Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Faye: The Obsessions That We Hide

Title: The Obsessions That We Hide

Author: AngelDirectioner15

Reviewer: Fayesther

Title + Cover: 4/5

The title is intriguing and fits your story beautifully.

The picture you have chosen for your cover is interesting and the font is clear and easily read. I like the red against the white. My only gripe with the cover is the "Canva" watermark, which spoils it a little for me- this is a problem that is easily fixed though.

Description: 3/5

This description truly has some gems! You give a good amount of information to introduce your work to potential readers and how you end it is incredible!

However, I noticed a few grammatical errors; tense swaps and unnecessary words included in a couple of sentences making them sound a bit clumsy.

Grammar: 4/5

You use an incredible vocabulary; the words you chose in the poem, in the prologue, are a delight to read and you bring that fabulous vocabulary throughout your story.

For the most part your grammar was really good. I just found typos here and there and I tried to pinpoint them in your comments as I read.

Writing Style: 4/5

You have such a sophisticated way with words! It is so impressive and a joy to read.

Writing a poem explaining the concept of "obsession" was truly inspired! A gorgeous way to start off your book and so well executed! I can't praise it enough! Just gorgeous.

The first chapter is also well executed. You do tell rather than show within this chapter, however, I don't think this is a method of writing that is out of place for your story. You give your reader a good foundation to dive further into your writing.

You are an amazing descriptive writer. You paint beautiful pictures with your words. I love how you inserted poetry within your story. You are an incredible poet and showcasing your talent within this field is such a good idea to spice things up. I loved the line "the moon dripping with lust and the silver jewels making love to the universe." I loved much more lines than that; if I were to write all my favourite lines in here it would've taken up a lot of this reviews word count!

I found some of your structure work a bit hard to follow at times. I think in order to tidy things up it'll be a good idea to keep italics to fantasies and diary entries- keeping events that really happened in the usual font- separating flashbacks out with page breaks. Having flashbacks, fantasies and dreams in italics puts them all in the same box and it makes things a little bit confusing at times. Also, large sections of bold italics is quite harsh on the eye.

Characterisation: 5/5

You made brilliant choices regarding character building within your story. You gave enough background information for both Viona and Easton so that the reader understands why they behave the way they do. I also loved that they were polar opposites within how obsession affects them. Viona having a crush, Easton being paranoid and looking for conspiracies.

You did a good job with communicating their emotions. How you portrayed Easton's paranoia was really clever. The repeated thoughts was a simple idea but truly showcased the urgency that he felt.

Dr Bradley is a brilliant character also. You managed to show his professionalism as well as capturing his caring personality. This can be a hard balance to achieve but you managed to do it justice. Good job.

There are times where you write about your characters and it seems like the information is coming from a second party's perspective, so the reader feels a bit disconnected from the characters. However, I only noticed this at times during the first few chapters once the story gets going this is no longer an issue.

Plot: 4/5

The plot of this story is unique and really interesting. It is a clever exploration of the concept of "obsession" and you keep your reader on board throughout with emotional flashbacks, intriguing snippets of present day life and diving into the psyche of your two main characters.

You've started your story off by explaining in great depth Viona's back story. I believe this was done really well. You give the reader details that truly helps them to connect with her and understand her. Moreover, you have not communicated this information in an overwhelming way. It is a gentle introduction to your story's premise.

I really enjoyed the chapter where Easton speaks to Dr Bradley. I also adored the chapter where Viona is writing about her fantasies in her secret diary. Both of these chapters have very different moods and are really immersive.

The plot, to begin with, does seem to be a bit slow. I believe setting up both characters in so much detail does snail the pace. It may have been a benefit to focus on one character and integrate the other more gradually as the story progressed.

OVERALL SCORE: 24/30

A fantastic piece of sophisticated writing; with a relatable story arch and beautiful word play and poetry inserted throughout. I can't praise your word choices enough, especially when you describe such deep, complex emotion. Your writing is inspiring and so impressive.

Thank you for asking me to review another piece of your work! It has been an absolute pleasure diving into more. I hope my feedback is helpful.