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Review by Brooklyn: Emberspark Academy

Title: Emberspark Academy 

Author: wrenwhispers

Reviewer: brooklyn-rose-15

Summary: 3.5/5

Overall, your summary is pretty well-written! There are a couple of things I would suggest changing, though. I loved the first sentence, as it created a bit of suspense for the reader, but the continuation of the summary was a bit vague. Although I liked the dramatic entrance of 'the test,' I would recommend an enlightenment of what type of test. Is it physical, based on strength? Or mental, based on how strong your mind is when it comes to torture? One way you could rephrase it as is, "A physical test, to test their abilities and to progress the new learning style." You could definitely word it in several other ways as well, but that's just one of the ways I'd personally write it. Generally, though, I really liked how dramatic and suspenseful your summary was, great job!

Grammar: 4/5

Overall, your grammar is pretty polished, and there were only a couple of things I noticed within the text. In terms of constructiveness, I'd suggest telling the readers about Everly's nickname 'Evie' before using it further in the text. It took me a while to catch up on the fact that Everly's nickname was Evie, which brings us to the next topic: I noticed you kept switching between using the names Everly and Evie. I recommend choosing one and sticking with it throughout the story to avoid any confusion. There was also a spot in the first paragraph of Finn's perspective where you used a hyphen rather than an em dash, which looks like this "—" and is used in that circumstance. Otherwise, your grammar was pretty consistent throughout the entire story. Keep up the great work!

Character Development: 4.5/5

Honestly, your character development was outstanding, especially because I could really picture what was happening. The separate point of views really helped with character development, mostly because we could see their reactions from different perspectives. The only thing I would suggest is making each character's perspective more clear on how they know one another or if they're strangers. For example, in Luca's perspective, he thinks, "Finn probably knew the answer to this question. He probably knew the answer to every question on this test. Finn was really smart." This was a bit confusing to me because it was unclear how Luca knew Finn in the first place, or at least discovered that Finn was intelligent. Other than a couple of those slightly confusing incidences, your character development was pretty good!

Writing Style: 4/5

First of all, I really liked the way you portrayed each character in a different point of view. This really helps with the overall character development, but it can also be a huge downside when it comes to plot. While reading, I noticed a couple of jumpy transitions. The transition between Finn and Akari's point of views were very clear, as you mentioned Akari's exit from the library after her interaction with Finn in the first couple of sentences. Meanwhile, Akari's chapter was a bit awkward. I didn't quite catch how she knew Everly, Finn and Luca already. Akari and Finn both mentioned that they 'made a first friend' on the first day. If they already had one another's contacts, that presumes that all four of them were already friends. Perhaps you can make it a bit more clear in terms of transition, but otherwise, I really liked your creative writing style. A couple of touches and tweaks should make everything close to perfect!

Plot: 4/5

Personally, I felt that your plot was pretty good. Obviously, each and every plot—which includes other books too—all need some touching up. There were a couple of rushed spots in the plot, like when the tornado suddenly rushed towards the campus. Maybe there could be something leading up to it, perhaps a downpour or storms? It sort of confused me as to why a tornado suddenly appeared in the sky. Other than a couple of those spots, you did a really good job. Well done!

OVERALL SCORE: 20/25