Title: Bumbling Butterfingers
Author: LazyLikeACat
Reviewer: ScarredHeroes
Description + Cover: 3.5/5
The description was cute! But i would recommend you adding something more than just the excerpt as I was completely clueless as to what the preview was depicting. Maybe a short intro or a few lines on what the story will be about will be nice.
As for the cover, I suggest you shake things up, try more bolder fonts and better images, as it looks a bit like text slapped over an image.
Plot + Writing Style:
To be very honest, the first few chapters of your story were bleak and happened to not pique my interest. But as it progressed, I found myself liking it for its unique sense of humour and the slow revelations that are being dropped.
The thing with teen fiction is, you have to have drama in it, from the first chapter. Readers want to be taken in the first few paragraphs of the chapter. So, it would be even more better if you add angst right in the first place.
For example:
I quickly enter the high school with my head down and hands stuffed in my pockets. I head towards the office to collect my schedule and locker number.
This is what we do everyday when we go to school, then what's different?
Maybe you could specify why she's ducking her head, or maybe if the nerves get the best of her because of her past?
Something should be different. Little details, and minute things she does or any other character does in the story, in the particular scene you're writing, will give various emotions to the reader. Write just a little more description in context to the MC and the way
Your writing style is very formidable. I like the way you've wrapped sentences neatly and the formatting of your text is appropriate and easy for readers to read. I would suggest to split up even the paragraphs that you think are small to make it even more formatted.
Second, I didn't quite understand why the crazy group took her in. It would be nice if the forthcoming chapters cleared it out.
Grammar + Punctuation: 4/5
There were not many errors that disrupted my flow of reading and you were very studious with making sure you don't make much of intentional errors, so kudos to that! This shows how much you're interested and committed in writing and thats one of the reasons that persuaded me to read more.
Like I had stated in the above category, description writing gives a personal insight on the characters mind and how they view the world.
Hence, using a good range of vocabulary will help you achieve this. Your grammar seems to be good enough, but to emote your character's feelings, using a little complex words will do the job.
Character Arc: 3.5/5
As far as you've written, none of the characters struck a hard chord of emotions within me. I feel like if there was some more solid content I could've given you a much more detailed review in this aspect.
From what I've grasped, I like the way you've created Caspian, its refreshing to see such an adorable male character. I like how you've fit them into the cliche gang roles and made them to be cheerful and wild.
I like the way Everleigh is protective and so mother like to her brothers and I can already imagine why she's like that (theories, I have many.)
I'm impressed with the characters and I hope you can put more effort to make them even more memorable.
Originality: 4/5
It doesn't seem cliché at all! You have such a nice combination of characters and I'm very very happy at this aspect! Of course, many errors put aside you do have a lot to work on to make your book into something as substantial to get it to readers.
I have many requests, but the most important one would be- do not get swayed after reading other YA books and movies. Take inspiration from them, but do not use them directly, as it will kill the buzz of originality that your book has and will make it look like a fan fiction.
And it's totally okay to be unsure of where to go, because YA is something everybody and is writing and can easily be overlooked and not taken seriously.
Think of a lot of questions, especially for your characters.
Personalise them, everyone reacts differently, put them in situations that test them, that brings out their worst, that embarrasses them- don't be afraid to make them wrong, they're human and thats what makes your book unique from the others.
Your book has so much potential and something that I'm sure that readers will be surprised to read.
YOU ARE READING
Sapphire's Review Store 3.0
Non-FictionSince both our first and second review stores have exceeded 200 chapters (with a grand total of 379 reviews published), I am opening up this third book to fit in all of our future reviews. Yay team! We are still OPEN to requests, however, this book...
