Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Brooklyn: His Last Wish

Title: His Last Wish

Author: ThatgoofyNerd

Reviewer: brooklyn-rose-15

Summary: 5/5

Overall, your summary was nicely written! I liked the way you presented such a captivating blurb within the first sentence. The characters and direction of the plot were also entitled in an orderly fashion, although I myself would suggest mentioning Elijah's health condition in the second paragraph.

Personally, I feel that the introduction to Elijah's health condition was a bit abrupt, as there wasn't anything mentioned before, but it's totally up to you if you'd like to change it. Other than that, your summary was fantastic; I'm excited to read your story!

Grammar + Punctuation: 4/5

Your grammar was really polished; there weren't too many grammatical mistakes, just some awkwardly phrased sentences. An example of one I found in chapter one was, "They broke up just yesterday and he already found someone new was a story she was not buying." I think it would be better rephrased as, "They broke up just yesterday and the fact that he already found someone new was a story she wasn't buying." 

Another small error I found was, "The teacher had given them a homework due today to research on the history of Valentine's Day and give a speech about it." Instead, I recommend writing it as, "The teacher had given them homework that was due today to research the history of Valentine's Day and give a speech about it." Or, you could write something like, "The teacher had given them an assignment due today that required them to give a speech about the history of Valentine's Day." 

In the second chapter, there were a couple of missed commas such as, "'You're my match,' Elijah repeated more confidently this time," when it should be, "'You're my match,' Elijah repeated, more confidently this time." Other than a couple of similar errors, your grammar and punctuation was really clean. You did an outstanding job!

Characterisation: 5/5

I can't say this enough—I really, really love your characters. You did such a great job showcasing Natasha's personality. All of your characters were also very relatable, especially Natasha's relationship with her siblings. Her interactions with Elijah are adorable as well. I noticed that while on the stage playing piano with Elijah, Natasha's personality softened for a little. I liked that it showed some vulnerability in her stone-set personality; characters should always have some flaws, right? Additionally, you did an amazing job with Elijah's strengths and weaknesses. When he said, "I'll be going s-somewhere. Somewhere f-far away," it broke my heart reading that. Your perceptions of the characters are great; their personalities capture the reader's attention. Well done!

Writing Style: 5/5

Loved, loved, loved your writing style. Everything was written so nicely and it was almost as if I was in the story, standing right next to Tasha and Elijah while they spoke. I was nearly in tears by the end of chapter four. Your writing was sincere, deep and meaningful. The characters were so well-adapted to the plot, and I loved your easy incorporation of leveled vocabulary. Character-development and the stakes were nicely written and spread out throughout the story, which I really enjoyed while reading.

Plot + Originality: 5/5

Your plot was amazingly well-built and sturdy throughout the entire story. The story kept me on the edge of my seat in anticipation, waiting for more, hoping that Elijah would get through his health condition and praying so, so hard for someone to give him a liver transplant. That's how I personally feel about how good the plot is! I think there could be a bit more explanation about Natasha's relationship with Emma, but other than that, your plot was amazing. Nicely done!

OVERALL SCORE: 24/25