Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Gnome: Only Mine

Title: Only Mine

Author: iampromzy

Reviewer: GnomeMercy

Summary: 1/5

A good summary should establish some of your characters, the setting, the dilemma, and the stakes. None of that (except perhaps your characters) were properly shown, so it's very hard for me to figure out what the plot of your story is.

Let's dissect what you already have. Here is the first sentence:

When Ava Blake was sent out of her house and disowned by her parent because of a one night mistake.

She had now her to go.

I think you mean:

When Ava Blake was sent out of her house and disowned by her parents because of a mistake, she had nowhere to go.

The next line:

She came across ruthless billionaire Dian Lawson who pick interest in her immediately he saw her.

I think you meant:

She came across ruthless billionaire Dian Lawson who showed interest in her immediately when he saw her.

Also, this is a great time to show why. Why does this ruthless billionaire take interest in a disowned girl? It gives an element of realism to your story, and it's important you add it in!

It turns out that the mystery Ava has been trying to solve for months now was all Dian Lawson.

How will she take it when she finds out the truth.

Will there be love or hate?

Okay, that's got a bit of the dilemma here, but what is this mystery? Why is this mystery so important? Give a little bit of the stakes here: does she have to solve this mystery within a specific time limit? If she solves it will she be able to come home? Give us a reason for her to want to solve this mystery and raise the tension. Also, grammatically speaking, you must add a question mark after 'truth'. As of now, your summary doesn't give us enough information. Watch out for typos and try to add all of the elements needed (as mentioned above).

Grammar: 1.5/5

There were a lot of grammatical errors in your story. Please make sure to do your research on grammar so you can improve it when it comes to editing.

Firstly, verbal tags. I've explained this so much I could probably do it in my sleep, so here are some examples of properly punctuated speech (which, by the way, you had absolutely none of). Also, before I show these examples, you need to know what a verbal tag is. A verbal tag is anything from "she said" to "they stated", or anything along those lines. It's about the speaking and the way a character says it. Phrases such as "he grinned", or "she nodded" are not verbal tags and have different rules.

Correct use of verbal tags:

"Hello," she said.

"Hi!" he said.

"How are you?" they said.

Some examples of incorrect use of verbal tags:

"Hello." She said.