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Review by Gnome: The Royal Wedding

Title: The Royal Wedding

Author: Marykhah77

Reviewer: GnomeMercy

Summary: 3/5

While it does have characters, setting and the dilemma properly mentioned, your summary needs to be easier to understand and read and your stakes need to be mentioned. (Also, typically, summaries are in present tense, but there are exceptions, so as long as you keep the tense consistent, it's okay to write it in past tense!) I recommend you give your summary a reread and edit to make it a bit more concise and understandable.

I think one of the reasons the summary a bit unclear to me is because the two paragraphs have no relation. In the first one, you talk about how she is too stubborn to get married. In the second paragraph, you talk about magic. Instead, perhaps talk about the magic first, and why it is so important for her marriage to be a priority (i.e. the stakes). But then, as the dilemma, you could mention that she has always been to stubborn to get married. This way, it is makes more sense and is easier for the reader to grasp.

Overall, a decent summary. I was interested in reading more, but it needs to be rephrased and reordered a bit more. (Also, watch out for redundant words. One I found in your summary was the word "forced". It was repeated within the first paragraph.)

Grammar: 3/5

Overall, you definitely knew your grammar basics! There were only a few mistakes I spotted.

Firstly, tenses. Most of your story was written in past tense, but there were a few slips. Make sure you keep it consistent! It can be a bit jarring to see a sentence or even a paragraph in present tense when most of the story is in past tense.

Also, watch out for typos or missed words. I saw things such as "past" instead of "passed" and sentences missing words such as "the" or "it". I recommend doing some small edits to find these errors and fixing them.

Characters: 2/5

Throughout the story, I couldn't really get a grasp of your characters and their personalities. I would've actually put no score as I never really got a feel of them, but since there was already seventeen chapters out I thought that was enough time to get to know your characters.

One of the reasons I didn't fully know your characters was because personalities shown instead of told. Try showing what they're like through their beliefs, dialogue, and action—instead of outright telling the reader they're like that. It makes it a bit unrealistic and hard to believe.

I also had a big problem with Valarya. She didn't have much of a personality, not one that I could fully grasp anyway. I think the main issue I had was her reaction to killing someone. Unless you have some serious problems, you're not going to brush off the fact that you took a life so easily. In fact, she joked about it and completely forgot about it a few chapters later. Whenever you kill someone—accidental or not—there are many emotions that you go through. Fear, horror, maybe even utter disgust with yourself. When I wrote my main character killing someone, she vomited immediately after. There's blood on her hands and it's like she can't wash it off, even after putting her hands under the sink multiple times. Try to make her reaction more realistic so that you can show what it's like to kill someone.

Writing Style: 2.5/5

I think your writing style was alright! It was easy to understand what was going on, but I did have a few problems with it. Firstly, there was the tenses, but I mentioned that in the grammar section of this review.

Another problem I had was showing vs telling. For example, you told your characters' personalities instead of showing it through their actions, speech, and mannerisms. Try showing the setting or emotions. One exercise to help you with this trying to describe something without saying the actual word. Such as describing sadness without actually saying "sad".

Overall, you had a decent writing style, but there are some things that could be improved and more descriptions could be added!

Plot: 3/5

You had an interesting plot! I like how it wasn't just about the arranged marriage and instead took a turn into something new. However, there was a lot of unrealistic things happening in your story which made it hard to believe.

One main thing is that weddings take months to prepare (especially royal ones as they are much more extravagant). Realistically, she wouldn't be able to get married so quickly. She would have to court the prince for many months (or even years) before the even start planning the wedding. Wedding prep itself takes many months. I suggest doing some research into royal weddings so you get a feel of what it's like.

This story is called The Royal Wedding, but that's only a small part of the story. There were only a few chapters dedicated to the actual wedding and planning, and the rest of it was about her kidnapping. Either make the wedding a bigger part of the story or perhaps change the title.

Lastly, maybe explain the politics of this world a bit more since it's hard to understand. A lot of names, places, and information was thrown in without much explanation. I recommend giving some more backstory so it's easy to understand.

OVERALL SCORE: 13.5/25

In general, I think you have an interesting idea. There are some things to improve, but other than that good job. Hope this helps!