Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Faye: Remember Me

Title: Remember Me

Author: Raven_Rae17

Reviewer: Fayesther

Title + Cover: 5/5

The title certainly works for this story. It is simple and attention grabbing.

I really like the cover, the picture is pleasing to the eye and the colour palette is beautiful! The font is easy to read and no information gets lost in the background.

Description: 4/5

The description is intriguing and full of detail (yet not too much). It has a poetic feel to it that I appreciated.

It gives a good insight into your story and sets the tone really well. I like how you included a snippet from the narrative- that was a lovely touch!

Grammar: 3/5

I did not find many grammar errors in your writing. You punctuated your writing well, your vocabulary was great and it was all very easy to follow.

I would, however, like to point out this sentence:

"They sat on the nearest seats they could find, ending up quite closer to the doors than anyone else on board."

It reads a bit clumsy. If you got rid of the word "quite" it would read much smoother.

"They sat on the nearest seats they could find, ending up closer to the doors than anyone else on board."

Another sentence that needs revising is:

"...when the lights devoured the whole room with black." – this sentence was confusing to read. I understand what you are trying to get across, however it actually comes across as an impossible statement- light cannot be black. I think if you worded this sentence- "...when the lights went out and black devoured the whole room." It would make more sense.

I also found a few typing errors here and there, which I commented on as I read. There were not many though!

Writing Style: 5/5

I love your writing style! It is fresh and enjoyable to read. You give off a very poetic undertone all the way through, which gives off a timeless storyteller vibe.

I really like the use of quotes to start off each chapter. They are well thought through and introduce the content of each chapter wonderfully.

The story being told in Soo-yeon's perspective is very effective and you have managed to set the scene incredibly well through how she sees her surroundings. You wrote this story in a holistic way not leaving anything out. Therefore, drawing me (the reader) in completely.

All of your descriptions are incredibly executed. You managed to truly grab my imagination!

Soo-yeon and her fiancè- Yeon-Jin's interaction in chapter one is very authentically written. I loved how you subtly included details of their physical appearance when communicating their actions, beautifully done! I could picture their movement and their emotions very clearly. I also adore how you included Soo-yeon's thoughts on how she would have reacted to seeing her fiancè in the past (when their relationship was closer). This information is slotted in perfectly. Nothing seemed out of place or destroyed the flow of the story.

I love the line: "His smile had returned, but it did not reach his eyes." This sentence is so sad, yet so powerful. It shows the effort he is making with Soo-yeon, yet his true feelings cannot be hidden. Wow.

The imagery of the flowers is very well portrayed. Pointing out how quickly they wilt to reflect the fleeting nature of Soo-yeon and Yeon-Jin's relationship was so clever!

Your writing style was consistent all the way through and each chapter (so far) met the very high standard that you set yourself in the first chapter.

Characterisation: 5/5

You very clearly planned out your two main characters Soo-yeon and Yeon-jin thoroughly and you portray them so authentically in your writing. They are both so likeable with flaws as well as strengths in their personalities. Even though their relationship is breaking down they both so clearly care for each other. I found their interactions heart-warming yet under-pinned with great sadness. Such powerful character work was portrayed. Very impressive!

My heart went out to both Soo-yeon and Yeon-jin in the first chapter. I truly am rooting for them as a couple (I don't know if I should be, yet I am!)

However, your story is at its early stages- so I don't have a lot of information to go by for other characters. But you have sparked an interest in me and I can't wait to find out more. I especially want to no more about Jae-hwa.

Plot: 4/5

What an intriguing yet unique story idea! I am so excited about this!

The first chapter is an incredible pilot to your story! Full of emotion, character exposition and intrigue. It ends with a great cliff-hanger! I couldn't wait to see what was in store!

My only issue regarding plot in this first chapter was the part where Soo-yeon looks at her phone. There seems to be a jump in the narrative where it suddenly switches to describing her fiancé's occupation. It comes across like you began to develop one idea but changed your mind. I found myself scrolling back to make sure I didn't miss something. I would suggest adding more to her looking at her phone- is there a message there? Or is she annoyed at a lack of message? Maybe something she sees on her phone could lead her thoughts to her fiancè and his job.

The second chapter was amazing! We are thrown into such a bizarre situation and it is confusing- however, this is not a criticism at all because the main character Soo-Yeon is also confused within her surroundings and you managed to project her feelings onto the reader! It is genius! A very effective way to set the scene and show the reader how Soo-yeon felt within an unexplainable experience such as sudden time-travel!

Chapter three really has the ball rolling- story plot wise. Packed full of action and ancient world building. You managed to raise so many questions in my mind that I must discover the answer to! Good work!

OVERALL SCORE: 26/30

A poetically written story, full of beautifully detailed descriptive writing, well portrayed emotion and intriguing ideas!

You asked me to have a look at your dialogue and if there is any plot holes. Well I saw no problems whatsoever with your dialogue your characters interactions were a joy to read. You managed to bring your characters to life so well!

And as for plot holes. It is so early in the story its a hard call, as I don't have a full scope on your story. However, I would say that none have formed so far. You have managed to raise questions in me, but that's one of the aspects of your story that makes it so exciting! I cannot wait to find out more and I believe you are going to take me on a wild ride in your future chapters! I certainly will be following this story!

I hope you find my feedback helpful. Thank you so much for asking ne to review your gorgeous writing!