Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Lina: A Gamble of Paintings and Poison

Title: A Gamble of Paintings and Poison

Author: RappyTheDinosaur

Reviewer: linalagosya

Summary: 3/5

What I like about the summary is that you do a good job nailing the tone down. It's funny, quirky, elements of fantasy. You also introduce the three main characters clearly, which is great. But overall, it's still a little hard to get a sense of exactly what this book is in terms of the world and the plot. I think you can keep what you have, but maybe expound upon that a little further in a longer synopsis paragraph following the cute one-liners about the characters.

Grammar: 4.5/5

Be careful of slipping into present tense when using "that's" or "it's." For example, in chapter four: "That's not cryptic at all" should be "That was not cryptic at all."

Other than that, your grammar was excellent. You clearly have a good handle on the English language. The only reason you didn't get a 5 was because there are several typos per chapter. Once you proofread it whenever you do the final revision, you'll be golden. 

Character Building: 4/5

Wow. I just have to say, these characters POP off the page. I love how dynamic they are and how different each protagonist is from the other. Super well-thought out and well-rounded characters with real flaws, real issues, and real relationships. And yet each one has his/her own brand of humor that really brings a lightness to the read that was wonderful.

One of the great things about this is how I really enjoy being in any of the three POVs. I'm excited every time I see the chapter heading, regardless of who it is, because all of the characters are engaging as are their storylines. There's never a moment of boredom or wanting to get on to the next chapter or POV.

I wanted to say that first because the following review on the characters is going to seem like A LOT. But it's honestly not - it's just because the characters are so well-written, it makes what's lacking in the narrative with them really clear. Which is actually a good thing! So, my thoughts:

MAGGIE: 

I love that right off the bat you show how she's funny and playful and has a passion - art. I love a character who actually has something they want to do. It makes them really relatable and easy to root for. Her passion for art persisted throughout the whole story, even to the climax, which I appreciated. It wasn't just forgotten about in the midst of all the plot. It really showed how important it was to her.

I think you do a good job establishing her relationship with Elle right in the first chapter. It's clear they mean a lot to each other. I think you could even explore that even further and really drive home what they mean to each other more in that first chapter. Overall, even though they weren't together for most of the story, how much they cared for each other was clear. Their relationship clearly means the world to both of them, which helped make the stakes of getting back to each other feel very real and important.

I think to really be all invested in Maggie's arc, I have to know a little more about what she was when she started this journey. You hint to a lot of things in the narrative later on, but we don't get to see much of it actually at play. I would love to see her have an interaction with her parents, show us what that's really like for her. You mention in Ch. 34 that she compares herself to Elle and her sister, but that wasn't something that came through super clearly before this point. A little bit with the sister, but not really with Elle. If she feels envious of who they are and how tough they are, I think that could be fleshed out more. The fact that she feels like the reject of her family should be established really quickly and fleshed out a bit more throughout as well. You don't have to reveal that she was unwanted, that twist was perfect in the Carlisle memory scene. But, if you hint to it sooner and show how she feels without explaining why, I think that'd be good. That way, when she's accepted kind of like family into the Order, we see why that's so important to her. Additionally, how does she feel about upsetting the balance of a family during the ball? And what is the end of her arc (at least for this first book of the series)? She goes from feeling unwanted (except for Elle) and feeling less than to what? Really hammering that home in the second half of the novel, how she changes and grows, what she learns about herself, will help to make that arc feel really satisfying and complete. The hints of everything are there, I just don't know that you've seen it through necessarily. What's her flaw and how does she change throughout the plot? I'm not clear on that.