Sapphire's Review Store 3.0

Review by Joanna: Grimm

Title: Grimm

Author: anuvashah

Reviewer: joanna388

Cover/Blurb: 7/10

I simply adore your cover! It's on point and expresses your plotline perfectly. And while I looked at it, it made me feel a little—wait for it—Grim! (Let's ignore this now that it's out of my system)

Your blurb, while pretty good, needs a little work. I like how you can read it and be able to tell what your book is about. But I would have liked to see something more about your main character. Not much, you don't want to info dump, just a little bit about who she is. Though it could be phrased a little better, you've added some very necessary suspense when talking about the storm between the celestial beings, but I think the last sentence is a spoiler that could be left out. You could say something about the attraction; make your audience create scenarios in their head and torture them with all the endless possibilities. But writing it outright takes away some of the magic.

Intro: 3/5

Excluding the prologue—

Your intro was pretty good. It made questions rise in my head, which is great because it makes me want to read on.

But.

You seem to have trouble discerning between having to write in past or present tense. Making some research will really help you with that, as it was reoccurring throughout the book. There were a couple of punctuation errors here and there, but nothing a little editing can't fix!

Plot + Originality: 9/10

While there are books about angels and devils and such out there, I think it's less common than other genres. Which, I think, also gives you a very good chance to create a story that's completely original and unheard of (-ish) that can really capture a reader's attention.

I like how you chose to approach it, and find your plot to be very original and enticing. I believe that there's a lot of potential to further develop your plot and I'm very curious to see how you'll do that.

Grammar + Punctuation: 8/20

First of all, there seems to be a lack in definite and indefinite articles, (a, an, the), as well as a usage of them when not needed.

Articles are used before nouns or noun equivalents and are a type of adjective. You can Google them, they will really help you with your writing now and for the future!

'Scarlett opens her mouth in shock to says something but words don't escape her mouth.'

The 'says' here should be 'say'. I've noticed that you also repeat yourself sometimes while writing. For example, here you repeat 'her mouth' twice without having to. Something like 'don't come out' might sound better in this case too.

You sometimes mix your vocabulary as well as your tenses. Example:

Our=> or

Layed=> Laid

Let goes of=> Let's go of

'He was wearing a long had and he had a brown coat on. He also had a bread on his face.'

So... to start, you meant he was wearing a long hat? I was confused when I first read this. After fixing the 'had', there's no need for the 'he' afterward either, it's just repetition. Now to the other part... When reading about a man having a bread on his face, I can either imagine that to be in some kind of weird food fight, or him trying to balance it on his head. No sense, right?

You probably meant beard there, but my brain just did a one-eighty, and I simply sat there, staring at it. It really messed with the fluency of the book, so I suggest editing your book thoroughly to make sure such small mistakes are corrected.

"No, what's wrong with two of you. You just gulp down beers instead to talking about your problems, as if it's going to solve your problems."

"What's wrong with you two" or "What's wrong with the two of you" would be more accurate here, grammar wise. There's also that repetition here again, about the problems. You could just use 'them' or something like that, there's no need to repeat. Instead of, is also the correct grammar.

"You cannot save her from drowning unless you don't learn to swim. You are a doctor, you know what stress can to your brain."

At first, there's a double negative. Since you're using the 'unless', you don't need the don't, because it means that she doesn't need to swim. You are also connecting two separate sentences here, I suggest using a semicolon instead of a comma. And there's a 'do' missing right after the can.

Bottom line is: Your grammar and punctuation need work. So do some research, it will really help you now and for the future!

Writing Style: 4/10

You started off with a '24 years ago', but right after that there was a '22 years later'. That is either 2 years prior to the present, which doesn't really make sense since you mainly write in present tense, or just a calculating mistake?

I like those poetic touches that you've added, and I must say I was mind blown with a few of your sentences. I really love the writing.

But you used it too much. There were cases, even in dialogue, where you added that poetic touch and made it a little unrealistic to read. Your genre is not poetry, so I suggest refraining to use it as much if you want to add depth to your characters, because while I Iove what you write, it just made the conversation feel a tad weak—rehearsed.

The PoV's weren't exactly set either. Sometimes, while we were dived in a character's emotion, you would write about another. While I was hooked and reading about one, you'd cut off for another. It was a little confusing.

I also noticed that there were moments when you broke the 4th wall. That tends to make a book look more amateurish so it might be better if you refrain from that.

Character Development: 4/10

Honestly, I didn't see much about their characters, and what I did read, was a little rushed. The emotions didn't blend in well together, and there were even scenes where they contradicted each other. Of course, that can also be seen as a character trait, but I think you should work on it a little more to really bring out their characters. That, along with changing from one person's emotions to another's' made me feel like they were cold. Which I know they aren't.

So please make them feel more.

Dialogue: 6/10

When your characters are in dialogue, you need to know whether you need to end the sentence with a comma, or a period. It wasn't constant, but it did happen, and there were also cases where you didn't punctuate at all.

If the sentence is followed by a verbal tag, you use a comma. Example:

"You wouldn't," he said.

Also, there are paragraphs where another person starts speaking but the dialogue isn't split. That causes confusion so I suggest you edit that part as well. Change paragraphs when another person is talking.

OVERALL SCORE: 41/75

I hope I've helped you and your writing by pointing these out.

Thank you for choosing me as your reviewer, have an awesome day!