Dance Through Trauma

March 11, 2021

It's 11 PM and I'm feeling better now after what happened over an hour ago. So, let me tell you what happened. My mother's boyfriend came to the kitchen accusing me of hurting my little sister's leg (Kathleen) as she complained to him of pain. I never hurt her leg; it was probably my brother Damian as his ADHD is so severe, so I understand why he would do it, especially because his behavior can be aggressive. He's getting help for it and he really does try to control himself from what he has told me. My mother's boyfriend thought it was me, though, For days, he has made it seem like I did something to my sister and what I mean is that whenever Kathleen cries over being hurt or does something, he says something that gives off the vibe of him accusing me. A couple of days ago, Kathleen threw honey in the kitchen and when I caught her doing it, I tried taking it off from her but she squeezed the honey more and it somehow got on her hair, which seemed strange to her dad, my mother's boyfriend. Not only this, but he also has said that he thinks I make fun of Kathleen, which I do not. I love Kathleen and see her as a sister, so why would I hurt her? She's a funny little rascal and cries a lot over being hurt because of what she does, but she's just a child and her silliness is part of who she is. Why would I want to hurt my sister, who is so kind to me. She's always giving me kisses and hugging me. I've loved my sister since the day she was born. So, my mother's boyfriend obviously is incorrect. I will never forget how he was physically abusive towards my mother. She loved him, but all he did was hurt her with his physical punches and pushing her while pregnant. She shares three children with her boyfriend; Kathleen, Ovi, and Jesiah. He doesn't love his children though because if he did, he would spend more time with them and show them more affection rather than anger. He was way worse before than who he is today. He still has his poorly-educated mindset and uses his religion to control my mom like for example, he doesn't let my mom play music unless it is related to Christianity. I mean, seriously?! There is so much about my mother's boyfriend but I wanted to write down what happened after he accused me today in the kitchen. So, after he accused me of an act I didn't do, I responded to him with something like "I didn't do anything to Kathleen. You need to stop accusing me and Damian of things we don't do." Then, out of anger, I told him that he was stupid for everything he had done to my mother. I also brought up the physical abuse into our argument. And guess what he said? In his defense, he said "You should be thankful that you're living in my house." That's funny because (as I told him afterwards) I can just move out and live somewhere else. My mother doesn't want to live with someone that is full of sexism and ignorance, but she has trouble moving out of here. She has plans to move back to Georgia, but we need someone to take us. Plus, I need to get more refills on my medication as I need it for my mental health. PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, and OCD are not easy to live with so imagine the horror I'll live if I'm not on medication. Anyways, after he left the kitchen, my mom told me and said that I shouldn't say anything to him; she could defend herself. Then, I went into my room, and sat down on my bed. Damian was sleeping there, but he heard the argument as he was awake and eavesdropping; I saw him in the small "hallway" from the kitchen after my mother's boyfriend left. Anyways, when I sat on my bed, I was angry but also sad. My mom was with me and she told me that we will get out of this house soon. I cried in front of her because I couldn't stand my mother's boyfriend's attitude towards us. He's always angry towards my mom and siblings and discriminates against Damian for his ADHD and my little brother Ovi, who is also autistic like me. Consciously, I have no feelings towards anyone, but, subconsciously, I am angry towards anyone who hurts others, especially my family, so of course I stood up against my mother's boyfriend. I'm surprised that he hasn't been in jail for domestic violence yet. For years, he abused my mother, physically and emotionally. What makes me more angry is that I made three police reports on him. In late 2017, I called the cops on him when I saw him fighting my mom, who was carrying Kathleen in her arms. In May 2018, I told someone at my mental health clinic in Georgia about my mom's boyfriend after I moved out of the house I'm im now because of his behavior and because of the sexual assault that happened around the school, which by the way has nothing to do with my mom's boyfriend. In July 2018, I wrote a police report with my therapist at the time about his abuse and even though she said she would send it through mail, I'm not sure if she ever did. But, no response to my report ever came. Seriously, all of this is too much. I try my best to stay out of it but my PTSD seriously pulls me into every situation that has someone hurting someone else to defend the innocent victim.

- March 11, 2021