Dance Through Trauma

August 4, 2021

My PTSD symptoms have been very mild lately, close to the point of being non-existent. I never thought that talking about everything that I could remember from my traumatic experiences in therapy would help me get out of the nightmare. I worked out my thoughts by switching negative thoughts to positive thoughts, and adding logic to my core beliefs. Why choose to live a life reminiscing about terrible times when I could choose to live a life of balanced emotions. I used to be so over-emotional, but I have managed to keep them all balanced. I still have a little trouble with managing them, but they should be sorted out in the future. I also have a lot of information on how to work out certain problems from a website that my previous therapist from Georgia sometimes used for our sessions, and they're really helpful. I'm full of gratitude that my current therapist has helped me with my trauma because it's barely there anymore. I'm really trying my best to get better because it is time that I live a happy life after all of these sad years. We all live once, so why not just live with a positive mentality? A negative mentality just makes life worse, and many things in life are out of our control to begin with, so we should focus on what we can control. I'm really improving so much mentally! I should be off medication by the beginning of next year, so the unpleasant side effects can go away for good! I can't wait to be full of energy again and finally feel like my age. I want to start getting a job, and do well in the work field to support myself and my family with the money that I will earn. I have my high school diploma, so I want to put that to use with a fair-paid and stable job. I want to be independent, and help out my family financially! I thought about sharing an apartment with my mother, but I want to try out living by myself. Of course, if she has trouble paying rent and I can't help her out, then we'll figure something out. Plus, they can stay at my place until they find a new place. I think it's good to live independently because your life skills improve and you learn to drive life on your own. I don't like buying many things, so I should have enough money to give to my family. That way, my mother won't ever have to depend on her ex-boyfriend. He is dangerous for the family, and I don't want my mother to come back to him ever again. My mother plans on moving out in September after her court date, so I hope she gets support from her family members and friends. I could have helped her babysit my siblings while she works, but it is stressful to babysit. I don't do it often, but when I do it, I feel like I am a father of four children, and not a brother. Doing so made me realize how big of a job it is to be a parent, and it's something that I don't want. I don't plan on adopting children, and I don't know if I'll have a boyfriend or husband in the future, but I want to work out my life first. Once I'm in control of my life, I'll search for love. I don't want to end up depending on an abusive man like my mother because that would be awful. From what I've seen going on between my mother and her ex-boyfriend, I realized that it's good to be in control of everything in your life because depending on someone can be dangerous. I can't have kids, and I don't plan on adopting kids or having a surrogate carry a child of mine, so I should have enough space for my family in life. I have five siblings, and I can't wait to see them grow up. I would love to help them be successful in life, and make sure that they all finish high school. My mother deserves a good break after all of my siblings are able to be independent at an appropriate age. I also want to help out my father with something once Jamie is able to live an independent life when he is an adult. My father will still work, but I want to help him find an easier job that will do him okay since he is getting older. My mother will be in her 60s by the time that all of my siblings will be living their own lives, so she shouldn't be working by then. Right now, my mom is 39-and-a-half years old, and my father is 45-and-a-half years old. I want them to be happy by the time they're old for all the good that they have done.

- August 4, 2021