Dance Through Trauma

May 24, 2021

Today, I had a flashback of when I was physically attacked by a group of teenagers when I was about five years old. From what I remember, it was a sunny day. I was with my aunt Chila by the playground at the apartments that we used to live in. Chila lived with my parents at the time, so I sometimes went with her to places without my parents because I liked going out with her. We were by the playground because the laundry place was right in front of it. While Chila folded the clothes inside the laundry place, I stayed in the playground. I saw a couple of teenagers there, so I came up to them and wanted to play with them. I don't remember what I did to make them angry, but I believe that I said something deemed as socially inappropriate by neurotypicals, so they pushed me onto the sidewalk between the laundry place and the playground, and they began to kick me. Their angry faces couldn't stop saying mean words to me until I saw another teenager stop the group from hitting me. The guy looked at me while I cried, and he saw my pain. Then, after a minute, Chila came to pick me up from the ground. I don't remember anything afterwards, but I remember the traumatic experience. So, when the flashback popped back into my head, I started to feel anxiety. Anger then came, which led to extreme stress. After some minutes of being angry, I developed intense stomach pain and dizziness, which led me to the bathroom twice for diarrhea. I still felt dizzy afterwards, so I went to my room and just laid in bed to rest. It's been hours now, and I'm still resting on my bed as of right now. I don't like when PTSD does this to me, but there's nothing I can do to get rid of it. However, I can cope with the pain. I tell myself that I have to try my best to keep my positivity going no matter what happens, but trauma is too harsh on me.

- May 24, 2021