Dance Through Trauma

January 2, 2022

Happy new year! I came back to Missouri on the 26th from Atlanta. I got a bit nostalgic leaving my father and Jamie behind, but I am so glad that I got to spend some time with them after nearly a year of not seeing them. Same with my turtles! We can always communicate through technology, so it's not like I won't have contact with them for another year. The last conversation in person that my dad and I had was about me becoming a police officer, and what he did during the Mexican army as a soldier back in the day. His story really inspired me to decide that I plan to become a police officer in the future. For this new year, I actually start my new job in a couple of days, so I plan on saving all of my earnings. I will only pay rent to my mother's boyfriend while I am here. I will pay 100$ per month to him just because my mother is tired of hearing her boyfriend bring up the fact that he pays the rent and bills, so he has all the say in everything. I agree with her, and honestly that man clearly helps people just to show that he is in control, and to use it against people who later end up going against him. That is not the sole purpose of what helping is. Helping means to help people that you care about even if they aren't going to return anything back to you because at the end of the day, you don't want something from them, you just want to make them happy with your help, and that is the main reason why humanity still exists today. I won't worry about his invalid opinions though, and I don't take anything he says personally. I don't mind paying him anyways even though I personally didn't want to because I wanted to save all of my money for 6 months, but I will go with saving money for 9 months to a year. 9 months or less will be for emergencies, while the rest of the money will be saved for the police academy of my choice when I turn 21. I can go to the police academy at 19, but I have to be 21 to take their P.O.S.T test, which will earn me a certificate if I pass it. It's the ticket to being a police officer. For now, I'm going to focus on saving money, and getting my driver's license this year. I've always loved having some action going on in life, which is why science fiction movies and action movies are my favorites. There's many reasons why I want to be a cop. I have my creative mentality that will allow me to be a cop, so why not put it to use in human society to help out people for the good. I don't want to be the person who's afraid of being hurt; I want to be the person in charge and being a cop will give me that confidence. Obviously, I'll be in charge on a healthy level because I do not want to be a narcissist ever. I really would love to be a protector of people because it's perfect for the mentality that I have called 'Xander.' I don't care about dying tomorrow nor living the longest, so I'm okay with putting my life at risk for the lives of others. After seeing what my mother went through with her violent boyfriends, I want to be the cop in someone's life that takes away the criminal out. I want to give in my life for the lives of others. Yeah, I could also be a soldier, but I prefer to be a cop because it seems easier than being a soldier, and I definitely wouldn't survive all the physical work being in the military. I would seriously love to be the person that makes sure people are following the law of this country. It's really the perfect job for me, and I've finally found out after so many years. My father was a soldier, so was my paternal grandfather who was also a police officer, and my paternal great-grandfather was a police officer too. It's as if being a cop is in my blood. Being a police officer and a soldier have its obvious similarities, so I would give up my life for this country to fight off crime and protect our future generations because I believe in humanity. I'm a person that really cares more about himself, but since I don't fear death, and have the ability to be a cop, then why shouldn't I become one if it's for the good? I'm only nervous about failing the academy and my job as a cop if I get it. I don't fear getting my life taken away. It's no wonder movies with war scenes or apocalyptic scenes grab my attention. I want to be in those places as crazy as it sounds. The universe to me is like another movie that I'm seeing, so I really can give up my life tomorrow that easy unless it's suicidal. So, being a police officer is my official future job.

- January 2, 2022