Dance Through Trauma

August 20, 2021

I can't believe that I confronted that man! My mother's boyfriend finally was told the truth. I texted him a long message about his wrongdoings like being abusive. It all started at 9 PM when Damian asked his step-father if he could go with him to pick up mom from work, but his step-father said no because Damian didn't go with him to the river the other day, which would've been terrible anyway because Kathleen came back that day with severe eczema, which likely was triggered from a plant she may have been nearby. So, Damian told me that he was angry at his step-father, and almost cried. It made me angry how that man treated Damian in this house, so while he was out to pick my mom while he had my sister Jesiah, I sent a text message to the man about his unacceptable behavior. When he came back with my mother and baby sister, he still hadn't read my text message until a couple of minutes after they had arrived. He read it in the kitchen while I was with my siblings watching television in the living room. Damian was nervous because I had told him about the text message that I sent to his step-father because he didn't want me to get hurt. I was actually nervous too because I didn't know what was going to happen. So, after my mom's boyfriend read my message, he went to the living room and asked me, "Why do you send texts like that?" I replied "it was the truth." He started to get angry and said that I was probably the person who threw his phone in the toilet. I told him that that wasn't even me, and went back to saying what I said in my message. I yelled at him with the truth and some profanity because I could no longer control the anger that I have had for many months. My mother was there in the living room, and she was confused at first, but then proceeded to go to my side. So, her boyfriend went to his room and packed up his clothes. As he packed up his clothes, he said that I would one day remember him and regret what I did to him. What will I regret? Telling him the truth is something to regret? No! I told him that he always acts like he is a god because he seriously believes the world revolves around him when billions of people live on this world, and he is only one person. He was so angry at me, so I told him to look straight at the mirror to see how evil he was. His defense was "Actually, look at the mirror yourself." I told him that he is literally a criminal while I am not. He keeps lying to himself about being a good person when he is in fact not a good person. This morning, he actually had an argument with my mother over taking the trash out, and even said that he would break her mouth. Damian heard that argument in the morning as well, and we did not like what was said to my mother. So, I brought that up to my mother's boyfriend, and reminded him for the millionth time that he is a bad person. He then brought up the fact that I don't work because I'm "lazy" when I don't work due to chronic fatigue caused by medication that I take for mental illness. My mom told him that his brother and sisters don't even work, and depend on their mother, which is true. So, who is he to say that I'm lazy because I don't work when his own family doesn't work as well. So, I just kept yelling at him about why he keeps defending himself when he is literally the bad person here. He's done so many bad things, but he claims to be a good person while my mother is a "bad" person. So, he just started to say that one day I will remember him, when I will actually not remember him. My mom and I kept on telling that man everything that he has done wrong in this world while he left and came back to the house after leaving some of his clothes in his car outside of the house. While the argument happened, my brother Damian cried a lot. Oh yeah, I also reminded my mom's boyfriend about traumatizing Damian with his abuse, and how he abuses my brother Ovi with level three classical-autism or autism with high support needs. The man had a face of anger but he was also about to cry. It gave me some sense of relief because that meant that he was finally seeing how terrible of a person he is. After he left the house, my mother told me that I shouldn't have done that because we have nowhere to go. Luckily though, she has a friend who is renting a trailer house next month, so we can move there! So, while my mom and I were in the dining room, I went to Damian in the living room and told him to calm down because everything's going to be alright. He said that his dad thinks that I am a loser, so I told him that the loser is actually his dad, not me, and that I am fine. I feel bad for Damian because he had to witness so much at such a young age. I felt anxious, and I felt that the very-warm feeling in my head was preventing me from feeling even more anxious. Maybe it's the medication? I'm not sure. It was strange, but it gave me some comfort. After some minutes, we all settled down. I went to my room to pack my clothes into one big bag, and took down my LED lights in my room since we are going to move out soon. I thought to myself, "I would rather die out in the streets alone than to live under the same roof as a narcissist that is hurting my family." After that thought, I went back to the kitchen to eat rice that my mom had brought from her workplace. It was given to her for me (for free!) by a friend that she works with. I just said to myself "Oh, thank you." as if I was talking to my mom's friend. While we are, my mother received text messages and voice messages from her "boyfriend" with tears saying that he works for us and that he loves her. My mom said that he literally plays the victim all the time, and I agreed. We also agreed that he is in fact mentally sick, and needs help. After we ate, we went to the living room and spent some time there. Then, we went to our rooms to sleep, and I let Damian sleep with me tonight. He cried over my grandmother being gone, so I comforted him. He cries about my grandmother at night ever since she passed away. Now, we're going to sleep as I write this part of my book. It has seriously been a big day, but I finally feel relieved after letting out my anger to the antagonist of my life. I have received the best sense of relief so far in life.

- August 20, 2021