Dance Through Trauma

June 1, 2022

My mom is getting a restraining order on Ovidio tomorrow thanks to a friend of hers who will be taking her to the court, which is like a 20-minute drive. I feel happy that Justice is finally happening for us. That man can no longer get near us thanks to the Children's Division Department, and they were very empathic for my mom, who explained the reasons why she continued to live in this house following horrible moments of abuse. The restraining order is to protect us more from him and his family because I am scared to death to see him near any of us. I never saw this as trauma, but it is definitely trauma. He never hurt me directly, but he hurt me through the abuse that he committed towards my mother and siblings, and that is traumatic. Now that I have finally accepted that this man has traumatized me, I decided to send a text towards his phone number before my mom gets the restraining order. I wrote it last night, saved it, and sent it to him this morning in Spanish. I wrote the English version too, so here it is:

"For years, I have lived in agony because you abused my mother since 2017. You saw how vulnerable my mom was, and you decided to destroy her instead of giving her the love she expected from you. You never hurt me directly, but through my mother, you hurt me, and that pain is still pain. You caused me so much emotional pain that I am traumatized. I have always talked about this in therapy since 2018. I have so many therapy note documents that show what I discussed and was diagnosed with PTSD from you. I've made several reports since 2017 concerned for my mother's safety and the safety of my siblings because I love them. You had the choice to love them too, but you chose the Devil's path. You chose to abuse them, physically and emotionally. You made our lives a living hell. The trauma you've put on my mother, me, and Damian is unjustifiable. That trauma is extremely horrible. I've cried these past couple of years because of you. I've had depression because of you. I've had suicidal thoughts because of you. You're a monster, and it pains me to see another evil soul like you in this world. However, I will forgive IF you are truly sorry for what you did all these years, but I will never trust you again for very valid reasons. Do you think God and Jesus condones abuse? Playing victim, lying about your actions, and not being able to admit your actions to anyone like family or friends only pulls you much further from God, increasing the chances of you going to hell. So, why bother hearing what your mother (a pastor) preaches when you don't even follow the word of God? Listening to God's word won't take you to heaven. Doing what God asks you to do WILL take you to heaven. The Children's Division department does not want you near the children ever again and they will help out my mom gain full custody as we have concrete evidence like reports, therapy notes, videos, photos, and witnesses. That will be your consequence for your insanely horrible abuse. Make this be a life lesson for you. You're still alive, so take advantage of that and seek God through Christ because if you don't, you are seriously going to end up in hell and you will always live a life full of pain while on this earth. Your evil is one of the reasons why I am a believer in God and Jesus. I had to see evil with my own eyes to know God is real. Seek help from God and Jesus, and try your hardest to follow the light. If you continue doing the same thing over and over again, then you will definitely end up in hell. So, seek the light."

Yeah, I'm afraid that he will like not my message, and decide to send someone or himself to murder me. I believe that he did indeed have someone killed in Guatemala many years ago because of the Facebook account that messaged me calling him a "killer," which is a very serious accusation that I doubt the person behind that account would make up. There have always been multiple Facebook accounts throughout the years siding with my mom, and it is not me nor my mother behind it. I have no idea who is behind all of this, but I thank them for speaking up for my mother. It's heart-wrenching seeing that a sister of Ovidio reacted to several Facebook posts about my mother's abuse with laughing reactions. Roció, how can you laugh at the pain my mom endured since 2017? What is funny about abuse? How can you go to church service when you aren't even following the word of God. I am absolutely horrified from seeing how Ovidio's family love to throw my mother under the bus, but when they face God, they won't be laughing anymore. They have an entire lifetime to repent for this horrible sin or group of sins. If they don't repent, and I mean truly repent, then they are destined for hell. I'm just so happy that God exists because there is real justice, not just social justice. The true justice is in the afterlife. The demon I saw as a kid confirms that hell is a real place, and that horrible people will go there. The Estrada-Cifuentes family can continue laughing at our trauma, but they will have the opposite reaction when they meet Satan. I won't care about their opinions on us. I will put all of this to the hands of God. I will have God's support while doing social justice in this world to teach Ovidio a life lesson with tough love. As horrible as that man is, I will forgive him personally if he truly does seek forgiveness, repentance, and has a full change. For now, I will forgive him in my heart because that is what God would do with every one of his followers; forgive the wicked. I will forgive, but I will never trust Ovidio ever again. He traumatized me and my family. I have every valid reason to feel that way. I'm not going to go back to welcoming him ever again with my arms. I will only do that in heaven. My heart is full of anxiety just thinking about that man, and he scares me so much. Maybe he will murder me someday, and I don't fear death, but I am worried that it will happen. Why? Because my mother and siblings need me alive to be their support in this unholy world. It's not because I want to stay alive or whatever. I just want to be alive for my family, and God. I will pray to God to protect me and my family from any evil as much as possible because it is needed during this time in our lives. I don't know what my destiny is, and I am scared due to my lack of knowledge for it, but all I know is that I can trust God, and I shouldn't fear evil.

June 1, 2022