Dance Through Trauma

October 16, 2021

The last time I wrote here, I was full of uncomfort, but I've been comfortable at home since a couple of days ago. That man doesn't live here anymore, and only comes to pick up the kids for half a day as he can't handle his own children. I've been afraid thinking that he will do the worst thing ever to our family, but then I remembered that there is no such thing. That man will never ruin me even if he decides to take my life away because what matters to me is being happy in this world until it ends in whatever way it will end. If my life ever ends tragically, then it would be too much for me in a short period of time, but at least I would have lived thousands of enjoyable days. According to mathematics, I have lived over 7,000 days so far. Isn't that incredible? I don't care whether my life will be long or short. What I care about is enjoying my present. I could die tomorrow, but with a smile (hopefully). I'll obviously feel at least somewhat scared of dying but I know that I'll be safe in death. That's what helps me not care about what that man ever plans on doing to us. It's not about living as long as possible; it's about enjoying every second that you are given. In life, I will enjoy everything and have fun or be content with what I do in life until I depart. I may have a strange way of thinking about death, but it helps me with my anxiety. My mother and siblings don't think like me though, so it would be awful if they ever ended up in a tragedy because of what they may be going through in their minds. If I ever end up in such a situation, I will obviously have some fear because death is mostly unexpected, but I would know deep down that I would be alright. No one will ever ruin my spirit even if they plan on doing the worst thing known to humanity. It's not that good to think about thinking that my mother's ex-boyfriend will take away my life someday because it probably will never happen, but it helps me not feel an inch of fear, and I want to spend my life happily no matter the circumstances. If the world was ending tomorrow, I would enjoy every second that I have left instead of worrying about what might happen the next second. So, whatever that man does to me in the future, I don't care anymore. I'll dance through the lava that falls on me because it's not what happens to me physically that matters, but what happens to me mentally, and I am too strong to be broken by any one ever thanks to my creation of Xander. Nothing much has happened ever since that man left the house. Yeah, I've posted a few posts on Facebook about narcissism which were directed at him, but not because I fear him. It just makes me mad that men like him find passion in hurting good people like my mother. I'm going to try my best to handle that well by teaching my mother what she can do to live in harmony as much as possible even with that man trying to interfere with her life. Everything is up to her anyway as she is a grown mature woman, and she's been through much worse, so she'll be fine. My mother to me is a super mother of six children, and we will survive even through death. So, as you can see, I'm really happy right now. Besides my positive thinking, I'm also happy because I just got done watching the Selena movie, which is about the 1990s Latina legend Selena Quintanillia. I actually got a little teary while watching it because based on the movie, she really had many good moments in her life, and knowing that she's gone makes me miss her even though I didn't even exist when she passed away. Strange, huh? She left an amazing legacy for the world to enjoy. That's what I want to do with my writing, and I would love to do it with music, but I don't know what I'll do to become a singer, whether it would be an indie artist or a famous, superstar singer. I have so many ideas for what I would do with my music career. Whatever I achieve in life will make me very happy and that's what matters to me the most out of everything else out there.

- October 16, 2021