Dance Through Trauma

June 11, 2021

I called the police at 11pm on June 10, 2021. I didn't talk to anyone on the phone. I only called, but declined immediately as my mother was afraid. She was afraid because her boyfriend would use my mental health and autism against me to paint me out as a psychopath, and she didn't want the police to fall for her boyfriend's lies. So, let me start with what led to this incident. So, my mother finally got a job nearby, and left me at home with my siblings. I took care of my siblings, and I actually did okay mentally and mostly physically. I have chronic fatigue, but I managed to take care of them anyway. Taking care of them was a great choice because it helped me distract myself from my sick brain, and also made me exercise, which helps with chronic fatigue. I don't mind taking care of my siblings, especially since It isn't even stressful to do so. I thought I would be, but I gave it a try anyway, and everything went well! I had to take care of them for about 10 hours. My mom went to work from 8am to 2pm and then went back to work from 5pm to 9pm. My mom came home for three hours before she went back to work at night. At 8pm, my mother's boyfriend came home from work, and noticed that my mom wasn't home. She had told him in the morning that she was going to work, but her boyfriend didn't want her to go. She went to work anyway, and I helped my mom with the kids. At first, her boyfriend asked me with a serious face about where my mom had gone. Then, he went to look for her at the restaurant that she works at, and asked one of the employees there about my mother. I don't know what he was trying to do, but he left the restaurant. I think he encountered my mom before he left because my mom did tell me that they had seen each other, and told her that he didn't want me to babysit my siblings. So, actually yes, they did see each other. Once he came back home, he told me that he thought that it was unusual for my little sister, Jesiah, and my little brother, Ovi, to be asleep because "they didn't sleep that early." He's wrong because my siblings sometimes take long naps during the day or at night before they fall asleep for as much as their body needs. He's barely home, so it makes sense that he thought that it was unusual for them to be asleep that early. He asked me if I had added anything into their baby bottles, and I told him no, which is true. He then proceeded to tell me that he just doesn't want any problems with me, and I said okay. I was confused and nervous. I thought that he was going to hurt me over his paranoia, but fortunately, he didn't. However, when my mom came back from work, her boyfriend wasn't at home for a few minutes since he went to look for her with his car. While he was gone, my mother told me everything that her boyfriend did at the restaurant. Then, her boyfriend came home. He talked on the phone with some of his friends, and completely forgot about my mom and I for a bit. So, my mom and I went to my room, and my mom told me everything about her new job. I was so glad that she was finally able to find a job! No one should ever force her to stop working. Anyways, my mom left my room to go to sleep. I prepared to go to sleep as well until I heard my mother and her boyfriend arguing. They were talking about me! Her boyfriend told my mom that if I ever did something to my siblings, then he would do something to me. I would never hurt my siblings! I don't know what is up with him, but he always thinks of me as a psychopath when the psychopath here is actually him! I have no homicidal thoughts nor any criminal behavior unlike him. He has threatened my mother with death before. I seriously don't like how he acts like a victim when he is all kinds of wrong. So, after they argued, my mom came to my room to cry and told me that she thinks it's best to call the police. When I tried to do it, my mother later told me not to do it, but it was too late because I had already called the police even if I didn't say anything on the phone. The phone barely even rang, but the police came to the house in just a few minutes! As I heard the hard knocking at the front door of the house, my mother's boyfriend asked my mom and I about why the police was called. He wasn't angry anymore, but instead scared for his own life. I went to open the front door and let the police come inside. I told one of the police officers about what was going on, and showed him photos of my mother bleeding from a time when her boyfriend hit her on the mouth with her phone over his paranoia. Then, the police officer came inside and told my mother to go outside for a bit to talk to her. She told the police officer what had happened as she cried from what I could hear from their talk. While that was happening, I spoke to the other police officer who was inside the house. I told him that I had PTSD, and so did him! He asked me about whether I worked yet or if I was just at home taking it easy. I told him that I was taking it easy, but that I was also focusing on my mental health recovery. He was very kind to me, and I just have so much empathy for him at this moment with only knowing the fact that he has PTSD. After our little chat, my mom and the police officer came back inside. Then, he talked with my mother's boyfriend. He lied about some things. He claims to have seen me using a knife against my arm to attempt suicide when that never even happened. Obviously, anything related to suicide isn't a crime. Even if I had done that, it doesn't mean that I am homicidal. My mom actually had told me about this lie from him during her three hours at home before she had to go to work again for some hours. I had never done what he claims to have seen. I wouldn't even use a knife to do anything related to suicide. I go to therapy and receive medication, so I am being treated. Being suicidal is not a crime; it is part of a mental disorder that requires treatment, not prison. I seriously can't believe he lied to the police so much, but I got to inform them that I only have suicidal thoughts, which are being medically treated. My mom's boyfriend believes in the stigma of mental illness. He thinks that I am literally a psychopath when I have no homicidal thoughts to begin with. My autism has nothing to do with that as well. I'm traumatized by human beings, but I wouldn't ever hurt anyone unless it is to defend myself in something serious and legal. His mindset explains his narcissistic behavior, and it's such a shame that people like him exist in this world. It's funny to hear him talk about being a true Christian and serving his God when everything that he does goes against his own religious beliefs! I don't understand the nature of his brain, but he does need serious medical treatment because he is dangerous. Anyway, the police officer, who had ginger hair, told my mom's boyfriend that my mom can work if she wants to. The police officer also informed us that my mom's boyfriend can not take us out of the house unless a judge signs something that will make us leave that house, but that requires up to 30 days. He will have to go to court for that, but it's unlikely that he would as it would be a waste of time. My mom told the police officer that her boyfriend wants to kick her, me, and the kids out of the house even though we have nowhere to go, which is why the police officer told us about being able to stay at this house unless a judge says to leave. My mom told the police officer that she wants to work to get an apartment for the family, and leave the house. After a little bit more of talking, the police officers were ready to leave. The ginger-haired police officer wanted to speak to me outside before leaving to ask about what my mom told him before they went outside since he didn't hear her clearly. Then, he told me that they can't arrest my mom's boyfriend unless an assault occurs, which I understood. He actually asked my mother before leaving the house about adding a temporary restraining order on her boyfriend, but my mother declined. The police officer then told me that if anything bad happens at home again, then I could give them a call. After they left, I just sat one one of the couches in the living room and talked to my mom kind of across the living room, where she sat on another couch. Her boyfriend heard us talking, but he didn't say anything. He seemed scared, and he was because while the police were inside the house, he kept saying why the police had to be called and painted himself as a white-pure angel. Of course, he will never see anything wrong with him. He was scared of the police because he feared going to prison, and the possibility of deportation. He didn't say a word to anyone at the house after the police had left. He just looked at his phone with fear. Everyone else went inside my room as everyone was awake. It was 1am in the morning! My mom and I talked about what the police officer had told me. I keep leaving out important details, but the police officer with ginger hair told me that he thinks that he came to this house one time and that her boyfriend was charged with assault of something. He mentioned assault, but I don't remember the rest. I told my mom that it was good that I called the police because another report was made on her boyfriend. My mom has called the police a few times to the house and even had a temporary restraining order on her boyfriend, which she removed herself due to pressure from her boyfriend's family. After our talk, we just spent some time in my room until my mom felt sleepy. So, we went to her room, which she shares with her boyfriend, but gratefully, he is sleeping in the living room alone. I'm in the room right now about to sleep. I just wanted to write about this in case her boyfriend plans to do something terrible to all of us. Seriously, I'm scared that he will do that, but it probably won't happen tonight. This entire situation had my heart racing with chest pain. My mom told me in my room (after the police officers had left) that she could see how scared I was. I was seriously scared because I didn't want her boyfriend to attack me out of nowhere even though there were police officers by my side. Plus, I was still nervous from their argument before I called the police. I always have a huge fear that my mom's boyfriend will take away her life whenever he gets mad about something, but what made me call the police was how my mom was crying and the fact that her boyfriend thought that I was trying to hurt my own siblings. How could I hurt such innocent human beings? Little children are the most innocent human beings out there. It's just not possible for me to do such a terrible thing because It's not in my nature to hurt anyone.

- June 11, 2021