Dance Through Trauma

July 9, 2022

Ovidio's mother, Ruth, came to the house today. She knocked on the door, but we didn't answer. I recorded a video of her from the window. She had a white sheet of paper on her hand, and her husband was waiting for her in his truck outside. They left for a bit, and came back, but this time, her husband was alone, and he went to cut the yard of the house since the grass was too tall. We received through our mail a notice from the city center about the yard, and it's not our own property, so we didn't care about it. My mom tried to cut the yard with the machine here at the house, but it broke down on us. Anyways, we had zero communication with them. The man left after he finished doing the yard, but I have this huge amount of anxiety. Seeing that family scares me. I feel like Ovidio will come and kill us, and I am afraid of being killed. As much as I deny it, I am actually afraid of being killed. I don't want to be murdered by my mom's ex. The root of this fear is that he threatened to hurt me back in June 2021. Seeing the evil in his eyes a few months ago makes me scared. The presence of that family brings negative energy. I feel so uncomfortable being in this house but we are moving out very soon. It's the 9th, and we should be at the new house between the 13th and 15th. I'm just afraid that Ovidio will come with a gun and kill us. His brother owned a gun, and even though his brother can not get a gun anymore due to domestic violence, they may still figure out a way to get a gun illegally, and that scares me. So, I brought in a glass of jared jalapeños from the kitchen, and left it in my room, in case Ovidio comes into the house, and tries to enter my room if I'm there. I'll throw the glass jar at him if I don't manage to escape out of the room through the windows on time. I am seriously so scared that he will kill me. I am so traumatized from everything he's done to us. I really am. I prayed to God, and I am putting my trust in him, but I have always been a person who worries too much, so I am still afraid, but I am trying my best to remain positive. It may most likely not happen and if it does, I will use self-defense. I'll stay in my room for most of the time from now on until we move out in case Ovidio tries to come kill me. My chest is hurting, and I'm just so scared. God, please help me. I just want to move out already. We can go to the motel but that would be 70$ per day, and I don't have the money for that. There's a restraining order at Ovidio, and Ovidio hasn't made any threats or whatever to us, and I'm sure his mom knocked on the door to let my mom know about the yard. Still, I feel like that woman maybe was going to threaten us. I feel so scared. I just want to move into our new house already, and finally be safe. I can't live surrounded by negative energy, but God's got my back.

- July 9, 2022