Dance Through Trauma

July 25, 2021

I've been feeling very sympathetic for my mother lately because she received the news about her mother being in severe condition. She possibly has the COVID-19 virus, and also has been sick for the past couple of months. I hope my grandmother ends up well, but if she doesn't, then I want my mother to grieve in a healthy way. I don't want her to end up with depression or anything serious, but I shouldn't worry about that since it hasn't happened yet. I'm just doing some research about what I can do to help out someone who is grieving in case anything like that happens. I should have done that only if it happened, but I just wanted to be prepared. Not only is this worrying my mother, but she has a lot of problems with her boyfriend right now because she is certain that her boyfriend is cheating on her. I've heard her tell her boyfriend everything that he did to her in the past during their arguments, which makes my mom really angry at him. Her boyfriend has told me that he's not cheating on my mother, and that he's trying to be a good person to her, but that he doesn't understand why my mother is behaving the way she's been behaving. If he's right, then it's likely that my mom has symptoms of PTSD, and my thoughts are neutral on him trying to be a good person. It's great that he's trying to change, but I'm just neutral because some people don't believe bad people deserve another chance and some people believe that bad people do deserve another chance. I'm on neither side, so I'm just neutral. I wish he paid for what he had done to my mother in the past, but if he's going to be good to her from now on, then I wouldn't worry about my mother's mental health nor her safety. All I want is my mother to be fine, not seek revenge on her boyfriend for what he did. So, I'm just not going to focus on justice or revenge but instead I'll focus on my mother having better mental health. She will have a lot of stress for a couple of years because of my little siblings, but it's what every mother goes through. My mother has been a mother for many years already, and she did good at taking care of me and being there for me as a mother should be for their child, so she will be fine. I'm not worried about whether the cheating stuff that is going on in my mother's relationship is actually happening or not. I'm worried about my mother's mental health, and the well-being of my siblings. Despite the hate that I've had for my mother's boyfriend in the past and whether he's a cheater or not, I want him to help out my siblings, so that they grow up well. They need their father and mother in their lives as long as possible if it does any good to my siblings, which it does. It's true that he doesn't spend much time with my siblings, and some of that time is due to work, but even when he isn't working, he doesn't spend time with them, so he should fix that if he wants to be the best father that he can be for his children. It's all up to him, but all that I care about is that my family is living happily. I want my mother to seek professional help for her trauma because she seriously had a rough time with her abusive ex-boyfriends. If my mother and her boyfriend can't live together for whatever reason, whether it's the cheating or the bad things that my mother's boyfriend did in the past to her, I want my mother's boyfriend to help out my siblings in some way even if they're separated. If things go well with all of us here, then that's great. My mother shouldn't talk to her boyfriend's mother though because what she tells my mother is wrong. The woman tells my mom that even if her son is cheating on her, she should still stay with her and can't kick him out of the house because he pays the rent and bills, and she doesn't. It would make sense not to live with him if he is cheating because obviously no one would want to live with their cheating partner. The woman goes against my mother so much, and has in the past. That woman knows what her son has done to my mother, but still believes that her son has never done anything wrong. If he's doing something wrong to my mother, he should leave the house and leave it to my mother and siblings no matter who owns it. The law doesn't matter here; what matters is everyone's happiness. He should do that for the kids if he wants the best for them if things just can't go well with my mother. The woman should know that her son and my mother have three children together, so It's better for her to stay in this house with the kids instead of her son alone and my family suffering somewhere due to financial problems. My mother never did anything wrong, so why go against her? I guess it's the woman's mother-love that blinds her, but it's not okay what she's telling my mom at this point. So, that woman should be out of the family because not only does she go against my mother, but she also lacks care for her grandchildren. She never goes to our house to meet them, nor asks about them. That's not how a grandmother should act, and what I'm saying is all true. It doesn't matter anyway because my mother has her family and friends who love her, and my little siblings have their family. I only want our family's happiness to arrive.

- July 25, 2021