Dance Through Trauma

May 19, 2021

My mother's boyfriend believes non-Christian music is bad! It bothers me so much because what he intends to say is that non-Christian music aren't positive songs when there are so many positive songs out there that aren't related to religion. It's completely okay if he or anyone else likes to listen to Christian music, but he tries to enforce his belief onto my mother. He shouldn't be the one saying things like this when he has committed so many things that are seen as sins in Christianity. After everything that he has done in his life, he is not what they call a true Christian. I'm agnostic, but it bothers me to see religious people doing contradictory things because they think of themselves as saints and try to make others feel bad to feed their narcissism. I don't understand why he goes to church, listens to Christian music, and other religious stuff when he does things that he shouldn't be doing according to his religion. If he's Christian, he wouldn't be doing things against his own beliefs. My mother told him about this, but he said that he will continue going to church despite his behavior. My mother says that it's not worth going to church if you're not going to follow the rules. It's interesting that he does this, but what really bothers me is that he doesn't like my mom listening to non-Christian music, nor my sister Kathleen! We're in America, and everyone has the freedom to listen to whatever music they like. My mom and sister can listen to anything they want to listen to. The songs I like are about love, self-love, positivity, related life situations, and more good stuff that make me feel happy. Music has been such a great coping skill for me, and has gotten me through a lot in my life. So, it offends me that my mother's boyfriend thinks of music that way only because it's not related to his religious beliefs. Not every non-Christian song is bad, so why does he keep telling my mom about that? People draw, ride a bike, drive a car, and do other things that aren't a form of worship or praise for the Christian God, so why does he have to unfairly view music as something bad? It's okay for him to believe in any religion, and to listen to any song, but I just don't like his unfair belief about music that isn't related to Christianity. I don't listen to Christian music at all, so the music I listen to is obviously non-Christian music. It just hurts that someone like him judges music that way because music is a beautiful kind of art that fills me with happiness. Even sad songs make my days better because they are songs to relate to. The other day, he didn't want Kathleen to sing 'Como La Flor' by Selena Quintanilla out loud because of his beliefs. My sister can sing any song that she likes, as long as it is not harming her! He needs to understand that he shouldn't be trying to control the lives of others. Kathleen is his daughter, but she still has the freedom to listen and sing to whatever song she likes! They're literally just songs, so what's the big deal? The song 'Como La Flor' isn't even explicit, so why is he prohibiting her from expressing her love for the song? It's not surprising that he has these kinds of beliefs, but it just bothers me so much that he thinks of music that way. It only makes me hate humanity more because knowing that there are people like him on this planet makes me more triggered! Why can't people mind their business and let others have their own freedom? Freedom is what makes us live a life. Without it, there is no life. We would just be dead souls. So, leave other people alone! I love my freedom, and knowing that people like my mother's boyfriend exist on this planet makes me more nervous to lose it. Thanks to him, I'm becoming more hypervigilant of my surroundings because I really don't want to lose my freedom. What if people want me to stop doing something that I like? What if people want me to do everything that favors them? I don't want to be a slave to anyone! I rather join death than to be a slave to an evil human being. I want to be myself anywhere I go, and I'm so thankful that the constitution of the United States protects my freedom. I still fear losing my freedom though because someone bad can take control of me, and I can lose everything that makes up who I am as a person, and I don't want that to happen. Without freedom, I am not me. That's why my mother's boyfriend's belief about non-Christian music concerns me because I don't want him to force me nor my family to stop listening to songs that we like. Enjoying music is part of our freedom, and I don't want to lose that for us. I want to listen to my music, and enjoy it. I love my favorite musicians and their songs, but having someone here at home who thinks that my music is bad makes me so nervous because I strongly fear that he will someday make me not listen to my favorite music anymore, and that will be torture. I don't want to be strictly religious like how he is becoming recently! It's okay if he or anyone else wants to be that way, but I don't. My mom is Christian, but not as strictly Christian as her boyfriend. I don't understand why that man even considers himself as a Christian when he has broken so many rules of his religion. Why does he keep doing stuff against his religion knowing very well that he shouldn't be doing things against his beliefs? If my mom did the same things as he did, then he would be against her, and abuse her for it! Yet, if he does it, he's still a saint no matter what he does. He even lies to himself, but nothing about him is surprising because he only does what he pleases and doesn't care what others feel. He only acts like he cares about others at times to make himself feel good, and not because he really cares. I don't want to think about him, but I don't want to lose my freedom of anything at home because of his new strictly-religious behavior. I've heard of strictly-religious people prohibiting others from listening to music, dancing, dating, and much more because they want everyone to live a life fully dedicated to the religion of the obsessed person. It's seriously scary just to think about them! They can be strictly-religious with themselves, if they want to, but leave everyone else out of it! And wow, I've never realized how precious freedom is. Freedom is so important to have!

- May 19, 2021