Dance Through Trauma

January 13, 2022

First day of work was actually today, and it was terrible. I had to work as a cashier, which wasn't what I expected to do. I really wanted to clean around or something. As a cashier, I had to talk to so many strangers, and that was so scary to me. There was a rude lady who told me that I couldn't do my job and that I couldn't understand her, but one of the people that works there defended me by informing that lady that I am new to the job. I had a man ask me what country I was from because he couldn't understand what I was saying due to my low talk. I had another woman who was mad at me for trying to get her to pay for ice that was actually for free, but I didn't even know that because it's my first day at that place. I couldn't count correctly when I had to give people their change, and I felt pressured to count fast, so the customers wouldn't get frustrated. I was nervous, so I tried to remain positive. However, hours later after people shined their negative energy on me, my anxiety levels went through the roof, literally. My anxiety was like the kind of anxiety that you would get if you were to fall from a helicopter accidentally up high in the sky except that being a cashier has no death at the end, which I begged for in my head. I couldn't take that pain anymore but I waited until my shift ended. It felt like an eternity standing there for 7 hours with so much anxiety. I never felt so relieved in my life after my mother picked me up from work. I told her everything about how I felt, and I felt so sad in my room tonight, but I messaged my manager about today, so I hope she understands me, and takes the cashier part of the job away from me because I can't deal with so many strangers. I really want to enjoy working, so let's hope my manager can give me something else to do at the workplace.

- January 13, 2022