Past Friends

Part 20: I'm Here

You skipped dinner that evening, not really feeling up to being around anyone at the moment. As it so happened the anniversary of your Grandparents' deaths was tomorrow; your Grandmother past in her sleep and when your Grandfather realized what had happened is already weak heart couldn't take it, the shock was so great that it gave him a heart attack. After all the stuff that happened today you couldn't help but think of them. You had a shower trying to clear your head, afterwards you even put on your favourite nightgown but it didn't work. It was one of the things you brought back from the storage unit, it was something you found at a vintage Boutique when you are 15 and always use to cheer you up whenever you would put it on. It was cream coloured and went all the way to the floor. The cut of the dress was empire style, and it had a scoop neckline but it could easily become off the shoulders if you pulled the almost nonexistent sleeves down a bit. The way the top of the dress was decorated with lace reminded you of flower petals. It always use to make you feel like a beautiful princess who spent her days dancing in a garden or a proper lady from Pride and Prejudice. You actually preferred the movie version that had zombies in it but whatever, you'd be happy with either if it meant dressing like this. It's not that you dreamt of being a princess it was just nice to pretend for a moment, to be someone else and forget about the struggles in your life.

So you're laying down at the end of your bed with the bottom half of your legs hanging off it. You're staring at the ceiling your arms up laying on the bed above your head, while your gently kicking ever so slightly forward with your legs. You were off in your own little world humming La Vie En Rose to yourself. You're so far gone in fact you didn't hear the multiple knocks at your door, or said door being opened and someone walking in. After finishing the song you closed your eyes moving your arms to lay across your torso placing them just below your ribs like in classic princess fashion. You think "All I need now is a rose to hold and I'm set, well a rose to hold and a prince to kiss... or a badass sword wielding princess, that would work too". You sigh turning on to your side, facing away from the door when you hear "what's got you so down darling?". It was Loki, you turn your head back to find him standing right next to your bed looking down at you. You should have looked completely shocked, you should have jumped up off the bed in surprise, or at the very least you should have sat up all flustered but you didn't. You were too depressed at the moment to react or care, which kind of made you feel a little worse. You didn't say anything but gave him a soft almost sad smile to acknowledge his presents, then you turned back over on to your side. You grabbed the blanket laying on top of you adjusting it, making sure it covered you up to your neck. You then pulled your knees up close to you, placing your right hand on your thigh right above the side of your knee.

In all honesty Loki expected you to react in the exact same way you thought you would have. Some combination of stuttering, blushing, and sudden movement possibly resulting in you falling over. Not that he wanted you to get hurt, he wouldn't let you get hurt, he just couldn't help but love the way you reacted in certain situations. It was so genuine, so real, you were genuine and real and despite his best efforts he couldn't stay away from you, not for long. He came up to check on you after you weren't there for dinner, he was actually planning on eating with you but when you weren't there he got worried. He wanted to ask but Peter beat him to it, they said that you said you weren't hungry, you were still full from lunch and that you'd eat later. But it was later, much later and you still didn't come down stairs. He knew something was wrong, he was hoping you just got distracted the way his Y/N use to; she would get so wrapped up in reading, painting or training that she would forget to eat sometimes. He was hoping that's what it was but seeing the way you looked at him, something in him changed. As far as he was concerned you were his Y/N, that's all he could see now, you were her and she was you. Yes, he wanted to know the truth, but right now he didn't care, right now it didn't matter, only you mattered.

"Who did it?" Loki ground out trying to stay as calm as possible, but his anger could be easily heard as it seeped through. "No one Loki, I just... well I..." your voice trailed off, you were afraid if you said anything else you would start to cry. All these pent-up feelings that you worked so hard to hide were bubbling up from deep inside you, and you didn't want to burden anyone with them. You slowly turned back over to look up at him, trying to smile but you didn't have the energy to fake another one. It's not like you faked it all the time, as long as you ignored these feelings and focus on something else, anything else you were fine. You knew it wasn't healthy but that didn't matter, you didn't care it was the only way you knew how to get through in life. Besides it's not like you had anyone to listen to your problems, or to confide in and whatever.

"I'm here Y/N... if you want to talk I'll listen" Loki calmly says doing his best to look at you like he understood. He wanted to understand, so that he could make it better but also for himself; as long as you were hurting, so was he. He sat down next to you on your bed waiting patiently for you to answer, thinking of ways to comfort you without going too far. You lay there going over in your head what you should say to him, how far would you let him in? You decide first to warn him "Loki... it's a lot to get into and I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it with anyone...". You turn away again, wrapping the blanket around you, sitting up to look at him before leaning on him. He wraps him arm around you "I have all night darling, if you want to talk I'm here".

Loki hadn't said anything else to you but you felt so much better. There really was something about him that made you feel safe and calm. After about 10 minutes of Loki holding you he asks if you were wearing shoes. "Yeah I'm wearing my ballet flats why?" as soon as he got your answer he grabs you and teleported away.