Past Friends

Part 22: Secrets in the Garden

You find yourself feeling tense, your body rigid as Loki takes your right hand with his left, holding up and out. You feel yourself holding in a breath as he puts your left hand on his arm just below his right shoulder, placing his right hand on the small of your back. "Relax Y/N, it's just one dance there is nothing to worry about" Loki kindly states. "But what if I step on your feet?" You ask, Loki smiles then replied back with "will the world end if you step on my feet?" After hearing what Loki said you instantly felt better, you relaxed, smiled and even giggled for a moment realizing how silly you were being. "No, it probably won't," you say cheerfully, "So will you lead or should I?" inching closer to his face as you said so, your anxiety replaced by a sudden and unknown source of confidence. At that Loki lifts his right hand off your back for a moment snapping his fingers to start a new song to dance to.

You danced for quite a while, at least a dozen different songs played while Loki spun and twirled you around the garden. You were just walking around with him now through the courtyard as you listened to relaxing instrumental Jazz. You turn and look up at Loki, who is lost in thought when suddenly out of nowhere you start to laugh, a sweet, pure, breathy laugh. "What?" Loki turns to meet your gaze, but you turned away as you begin to blush "you certainly know how to make a girl feel like a princess" you say. "You could be my princess," he thought but as soon as the thought crossed his mind he stopped walking and became visibly tense. "What are friends for?" he said with each word cutting him like a dagger.

Your heart tightened at the word 'friend' you don't know why, that's exactly what you were, friends. You turn around giving him a smile saying "and I'm the luckiest girl in the world, or maybe the universe to have a friend like you, Loki". There was a solemn silence that followed your words as you both walk a little further and sat together on a large piece of stone until a familiar song started to play. "La Vie En Rose! I love this song" you quickly jump up from the make-shift bench and start singing. You weren't Aretha Franklin or Whitney Houston by any means but if you did choose to make singing your career you'd easily be someone's favourite.

You start moving and flowing gracefully to the beat as you sing. Loki couldn't take his eyes off you, not for a second. There was nothing that could tear his gaze away from you. You continue to sing as old memories of your Grandparents flash through your mind. The picnic in the park when you were 7, or how at 12 they let you sit on the roof to watch the Summer Firework Festival and wouldn't stop asking if you were okay from the balcony below. The first time you succeeded in making your Grandmother's cinnamon buns, how happy they looked while trying them or the first time they made you listen to Louis Armstrong and you fell in love with Jazz. Such beautiful, wonderful, and precious memories... something you'd never experience again.

As the song fades out all of your suppressed feelings hit you at once like a ton of bricks. You collapse to the ground, holding your arms as you let all of your grief wash over you. Loki is up and by your side so fast he might have rivalled Pietro in that moment. He asks you what's wrong, but as you sit there completely stone-faced and silent his asking gradually sounded more like pleading.

"It's after midnight, right?" you ask Loki calmly as you continue to stare blank-faced into the void. "Yes, it is. Can I ask why?" Loki is calm as he once again finds himself sitting there with his arms around you for the second time tonight. "It's their anniversary... My Grandparents' anniversary... the anniversary of their death I mean" you say still staring out into the distance as tears fill your eyes. You pull your knees up to hold them against you, as you begin to cry.

You ended up telling Loki nearly everything over the course of the next 10 minutes or so; how you quit regular school when you were 10 so that you could take care of your grandparents, how at 13 your "talents" were "discovered" by Shield, and how when they passed away when you were 16 you realized you had nobody. How it was so hard to deal with it, so you just shoved everything you were feeling down and focus on work or other people. Anytime you'd stop for a moment it would hurt so much and that was something you didn't want to deal with, something you couldn't deal with. You thought it would eventually go away especially as you made friends with the Avengers but it didn't, it only got harder.

You try to calm down as you tell Loki how sorry you are to burden him with this but he cuts you off. "Don't you dare say that!" he grabs your face with both hands making you look at him "you are not a burden! I told you I would be here for you, let me be here for you!". You start to cry again then lunge at Loki wrapping your arms around him pulling him into a hug. He held you tight, running his one hand down over your head, through your hair and back up, eventually resting it on the back of your head and neck. He whispers into your ear says the same over and over again to comfort you "it's okay Y/N, it's okay. You are not alone, we will get through this".

Loki held you until you were able to calm down and stop crying, it didn't take as long as he thought it would. You were still breathing weird and heavy as he took you by the hand walking back over to sit down together on the large stone from before. As you walked back over you noticed something strange happening to the garden; it started to come to life.