Past Friends

Part 37: Late Night Confessions

You put your single mug away and pull out the tea set, adding several tea bags to the pot. You tell Loki to go sit in the main area while you finish making the tea and also that he better not sneak off to his room to avoid talking about it. You turn around holding the tray of tea, not too surprised to find Loki still standing there. The way he looked at you though was kind of weird... or was off more the word? He stared at you intensely, not breaking focus with a sort of predatory look in his eyes. You freeze up for a moment, feeling rather nervous about what was going through Loki's mind. You walk towards him, out of the kitchen making your way into the main area where you could sit together. Loki was silent as he followed closely behind, joining you on the couch.

You both sat down on the L-shaped couch near the corner, sitting opposite each other, with your knees almost touching. You put the tray down on the large coffee table in front of you, you go to pour the tea. Loki stops you, pushing the tray away he takes your hand and holds it. The sudden act of physical contact makes you all flustered and you freak out a little. You try to keep eye contact with Loki but it's suddenly hard again, like the first day you met. He releases your hands seeing how uncomfortable you were, turning his gaze away from you. After a moment you look back at Loki seeing a look of longing, of loneliness as he stares off into the distance. You apologize to him, you don't know why you were so flustered, you thought you had gotten somewhat used to being close to people but I guess not. I guess being sick and or sad made your usual awkward and anxious self disappear. He looks back at you but you can't keep eye contact with him for long, you end up looking down at your lap and ask him what's wrong.

He stares at you for a moment, enjoying the way moonlight lit up your face from outside. Loki then says he has something to asks you and you give him an understanding nod. "This is about the other day... when you were out with Thor" Loki began, you look up at him wide-eyed and a little confused. "He was holding your hand..." Loki's voice trails off, you look back down understanding what he's implying as you began fidgeting with the necklace Tony gave you. "It wasn't like that... I, well... I don't like Thor that way... something happen..." you stop talking and turn away worried about how Loki would react if you tell him; I mean Bucky just had you pinned up against the wall and Loki threw him across the room, threatening everyone saying he'd kill them if they touch you. What would he do if he found out 3 strange men tried to have their way with you? You didn't even want to think about it, there would probably be 3 new bodies in a morgue somewhere if it was Loki there instead of Thor.

Loki sees you holding the pendant of your necklace, and notices it's designed to look like a mini-arc reactor. Loki finds himself getting annoyed at the very sight of it and he asks you about it, trying to sound calm and totally not pissed off at all. You tell Loki it's a gift from Tony as you smile admiring it, Loki sees this and gets more upset. Before you can say that he gave it to you as an apology Loki asks in more of an accusing tone if it's Tony that you like. You look up at Loki, not quite sure why he sounds so mad about it, telling him Tony wasn't the one you liked. You didn't mean to admit to Loki that you did indeed like someone and you mentally chided yourself on letting that little detail slip out. At the realization that you like someone Loki couldn't help but get jealous, wondering who it could be.

Was it Spiderboy? You liked playing video games with him and he always made you laugh. Was it Pietro? His powers were actually interesting, annoying but interesting and he was always offering to buy you things, usually just food but still you always seemed super happy at the offer. Was it Barnes? He called you 'Doll', you let him call you 'Doll' and Loki's seen him wear the jacket you gave him, the one you altered just for him. Loki then thought maybe you don't even like men, maybe you liked women.

Loki starts listing off different Avengers asking if you liked them, sounding mad and judgmental as he does so. Each time telling him no I don't like said Avenger, each time making you more and more furious. You were reaching your breaking point so you told him to stop asking but he just kept going. Evidently, you snapped after telling him no for like the sixth time and end up yelling at him. You shout "I LIKE YOU DUMBASS!!!".

You covered your mouth the second you finished speaking, but it was too late, he knew the truth now. You kind of had a thing for him ever since you wrote the Loki Report, back then it was more like you admired him; following his progress with the Avengers, the way a sports fan follows their favourite athlete. After meeting him however your feelings only got stronger but knowing he was Asgardian, knowing he was a god, an immortal prince, and you were just a mortal, it wouldn't work. The other night when you thought of asking Loki to stay, you let yourself worry about the possibility of him wanting you, how foolish to think he actually would. You decided a long time ago that if you ever met Loki you'd do your best to be his friend, nothing more. But now it would be an awkward mess, how could you stay friends now that he knew you liked him? Friendships where the one is crushing on the other hardly ever work out, maybe on tv but this was not some half-baked teen drama. This was the real world and in the real world this is how friendships die, how could you stay friends with Loki now?

You begin to tear up and start to move from off the couch to run away, you were too overwhelmed and embarrassed to stay but Loki stops you. He takes hold of your wrist pulling you towards him, pressing you firmly up against his body. He then wraps his other arm around you, gripping you tightly at the waist, you weren't going anywhere. Loki then releases your wrist, placing his hand on the back of your neck, his thumb resting on the edge of your jaw. You didn't know what to think and before you could even fully process what was happening Loki leans down placing his lips on to yours, giving you your very first kiss.