Kiara
,,The night before your dad disappeared in the see. I met him when I was walking home from Cameron's house." I start and decide not to talk about what happened before that with Rafe. If I absolutely have to, I'll them but I tried to leave it out for now.
,,He was driving home I guess, when he saw me on the side of the road. Something happened before that that's how I ended up walking home. I had all kinds of emotion going through me in that moment. He stoped beside me and when I looked up and saw it's him, I remembered that he was suppose to go to trip with Ward the next day. I got in the car and I was pissed at Rafe, he is Ward's son, that's why I warned him not to go, because in that moment I hated every person named Cameron. I didn't know at the time he was capable of doing anything to him, so in retrospective if he met me in another situation I wouldn't have warned him. That's why I didn't mention anything because I didn't think he did something to him and like I said he had an alibi. I was shocked as you were when the truth came out." I look at John B to know if he believes me.
,,Then he offered me a ride home." I add, but don't say anything else so I wouldn't have to say what happened after that.
,,That's it? He drove you home?" he asks.
,,Well not really." I look down again.
,,But it doesn't concern you. I made a mistake after that, he drove me somewhere but he stayed in the car, so nothing to talk about that you need to know." I say vaguely.
,,Really Kie? Why won't you say it? How can I believe you that's it that concerns me when you can't prove it? What if it's just another lie?" he raises his eyebrows. I sigh. Not even Sarah or Caleb knows this part.
,,Because it was the biggest mistake I ever did. Only two people knows about it. Your dad and me, but it's really not about him. However when I say it, you might never talk to me again. Or I say it but then I will have to explain to you what happened that night with Rafe and you might understand I was desperate to forget about it, but you will never look at me the same way. Look at Caleb, look at Sarah.. they pity me, they are sorry for me, but I don't want you to look at me that way." I try to reason with him, so he would let it go.
,,What the fuck did you do? What the fuck Rafe did?" Pope asks kind of concerned now. I shake my head.
,,Don't make me say it, I beg you." I look at all of them with fear in my eyes now.
,,I don't understand what would be worse than lying to me about this?" John B asks confused.
,,Trust me. It's way worse, because.. I can't explain it, but it's worse. But after that your dad took me home and that's the last time I saw him. We haven't talked about anything else on the way back to my home. I found out about his disappearance a week or so later. Of course I though about my warning, but then like I said I haven't give it to him for a good reason, it was because I was upset that night and when they interviewed Ward, he was cleared he wasn't near that boat or that he would leave Outer Banks that day. That day was a big storm in the location your dad went so the police ruled out murder, that's why I haven't mentioned it. I also tried to forget about that day, about my Kook year." I try to be as truthful I can be.
,,You find out about it after a whole week or so!?" he points out my slip up.
,,I wasn't.. home." I say vaguely.
,,Where were you then?" he keeps asking and I don't know how to get out of this.
,,John B.." I look at him hoping he says never mind, you don't have to answer that, but he's waiting for my answer like everybody else.
,,I was in the hospital. I lost my phone and my parents haven't told me." I admit, because I know I have to give them something. Hopefully not all.
,,What!?" Pope yells surprised.
,,Yeah, it was.." I shrug because yet again I don't know how to answer that.
,,Kie, how can I believe you when we don't know the whole story?" John B repeats. I shrug.
,,John B." Sarah shakes her head at him.
,,Don't make her say it. You know her, all of you know Kie, if there was anything else she would have told you." Sarah tries to reason with them.
,,I though I knew her, Pogues don't lie to each other, that's our rule. I can't think of a reason why she couldn't tell us." they exchange a look.
,,It's Rafe, you're telling me you can't think of at least one reason what he could have done why she wouldn't want you to know? He just shot her for God sake! He is capable of a lot worse." Sarah stands up in front of me.
,,You know what? Fine, I'll tell you what happened before that, if that helps you to believe me." I look up at them again. They nod.
,,That year my parents wanted me to try and go to the Kook academy, so after a lot of arguing I nodded because I wanted them to back up. I didn't really know anyone. I just knew I hate them. I thought I would go there for a while and then go back and said to my parents it didn't work out, but I tried. After a few days there Sarah and I started to talk, because of that I started to become popular around the school. She was dating Topper at the time and Rafe was his best friend. We hanged out a lot and as it happened, Rafe started to hit on me. Just to be clear he was totally different person at the time I have met him. After a few months, he kissed me and we kind of started dating. I liked him, but I have never loved him, but he though he loved me and we are on the same page. I don't really think he is capable of love. After a few more mothers he changed, he started using drugs, I didn't know till that night. He was on something he never had, he was unbearable. I wanted to leave, let him sober up and talk about it the next day. But it wouldn't be Rafe if he let me go. He did something what I haven't see ever coming from him. I didn't know this side of his. I found out days later he was using for a while now and I just didn't know it, I didn't notice it. After what he did, I left and I wanted to get home as soon as possible and forget about that night. Then I met your dad, like I said I wasn't in the right mind when I decided what I needed to forget. I felt dead inside, I was so numb and when I got home that night it was better. The next day, I lost it. I mean literally, I felt so guilty and I still felt all those feelings from the night before. I hit a rock bottom and I didn't know how to function. I took some pills, more than I should have and I overdose. My parents called me an ambulance. I ended up in the hospital and when I woke up I was mad, I was so mad that I survived. I thought I should have took more. I should have done it somewhere when no one would find me for long enough so I couldn't be saved. They locked my up in psychiatry for a week. They describe me some antidepressive and let me home. My parents wanted to know what happened, why I did it, but I couldn't tell them. I told them only some parts, so they wouldn't made me go back to Kooks. After a few more days, when the antidepressive started to work and I got better, I pick up the rest of me and went to your house. I remember when you saw me and you stopped at spot. I didn't know what to say, how to explain myself. You were looking at me and I was waiting for you to kick me out of your property but you didn't. You just started at me. For 72 seconds, I counted. Then you start moving and surprisingly you hugged me. I was kind of shocked to be honest. but then I figured it's because of your dad. I didn't even think about how you must feel, because I was kind of high on the meds, but in that moment I figured. We sat down after that and you didn't even want to know what happened or why I am back. You just said we don't have to talk about it. And we never did talk about my Kook year. But I though every day about what I did. I tried to make a reason, I tried to forgive myself, but I haven't till this day." I didn't even notice when I started to cry.
,,What the fuck, Kie.." John B sits down next to me.
,,What the fuck did you do when trying to kill yourself isn't the biggest mistake of your life." he shakes her head. I can already see the pity in his eyes.
,,If you say you still don't believe I am saying the truth, I am going to tell you, but.. I beg you.." we exchange a look. I see it in his eyes, he believes me with everything and he don't want to tell me to keep going, but he won't understand why I lied when I keep the rest from him. From them. I look down at my feat.
,,I told your dad to take me to JJ's house." I spit out already regretting it.
,,Okey? That's mistake why?" he asks confused.
,,It was Friday, I knew he won't be home." I admit.
,,Fuck." JJ says because he figure what I did.
,,Fuck." he repeats and gets up.
,,Tell me you didn't do what I think you did?" I can't even look up at him.
,,Kie." he wants me to look at him and deny it, but I can't.
,,Please." his voice breaks. I finally look up.
,,I went to see Luke." I admit out loud. He shakes his head, so I say the rest.
,,I wanted drugs, he was the only person I could think of. Except for Rafe. I didn't think. I was.. it was a mistake." I look down
,,I am sorry, J." I say before he leaves the room outside.
,,Fuck." I whisper to myself.
