Kiara
,,It was really horrible at the begining in there. I didn't know anyone. They were all judging me because I was friends with the Pogues, but then... Sarah Cameron, the Kook princess, showed up. She asked me if I want to go save baby turtles after school. We went. We became friends. I became friends with her friends. Her brother." I sigh.
,,Rafe Cameron, is that him?" she asks and I nod.
,,I feel like he's the main reason of these traumat you went through." she says when I keep queit.
,,You could say that." I nod and look out of the window.
,,We were friends at first. He was so charming and caring. He slowly got under my skin and I couldn't shake him of. I didn't even want at that time. But now, I don't know if he was playing me the whole time or what." my eyes starts to water.
,,I told him everything about me. About my life. I trusted him with my life. With my heart. And he broke all of in split seconds. Just like that. Like I didn't mean anything to him. Like..." I wipe my eyes and stop talking.
,,He broke me." I state and look at her.
,,That's why you keep everything to yourself now? Your trauma? Your pain?" she asks but it sound more like a statement of facts.
,,I mean. My friends knows. I guess. I told them some things. They were there when he shot me. He hurted them too. He shot his sister. He did unspekeable things. But we don't have a proof, so he's a free man. So after all that he did, I don't want to talk about it with them. I am not the only one he hurted." I state.
,,Or maybe you feel like like you can't talk about him with them." she corrects me. I raise my eyebrows at her.
,,You said they know, they witnessed what he did, they were hurt too. But it's different for you. It is. You have loved him. You had a relationship with him and trusted him, they didn't. He broke your trust. He broke your heart. I would say you are afraid what would they think of you if you told him about the time things were different, about the time before all of this. You might hate him now, but it's more complicated than that." she explains what she meant. I fidget with my fingers for a minute.
,,Maybe? I don't know." I shrug.
,,Let's start with me. Tell me what happened." she says, so I continue.
,,We started dating after 3 mothes we knew each other. He was great to me. To his friends. I was happy. We hang out almost every day. One day we stayed home, another we went on a date or hiking or just talking. I thought we got each other. Things started go change slowly, but I was in so deep, I ignore them or preteneded it's normal. We argued about little things like about other guys. How they look at me. How I flirt with them even though I wasn't. He started to hate my clothes. It was too revealing and shit. He didn't like my hair. Said it was too messy and didn't look like I ever brushed them. Every small thing really. He started to be controling, but I said to myself then that he just cares about me, so I did change my clothes. I started to straighten my hair. I wasn't talking to other guys who he didn't approve. I stop talking to the Pogues. Then he started to call me every other minute I wasn't with him. He had to know where and with who I was. When I didn't pick up the phone, we argued again. He didn't hit me or anything, but it felt like he was attacking me with his words. We got into a car accident because of him. He started yelling and I cranked the steering wheel into the tree. I broke my arm and had concusion. He told me different story. He told everyone I am bad driver. I believed him, but then I remembered. But I just thought, it was an accident. Couples fights, right? But it was always my fault. Never his. I was doing everything wrong and I just thought he's right. I needed to change. My parents wanted me to change at the time. So I did. I closed myself. I did everything what he wanted. I didn't go out without him. I clothe myself as he wanted. The fights stopped. Then the rumours about me started again. How I am using him and shit. Later did I found out it was him who started them so, when he told me not to listen to them and ignore them. Don't talk to them, they are not worth it. That he knows I love him and everyone can say whatever. I don't need them, but only him. I believed him. I was so manipulated by him, I wasn't even aware. He cut me from my actual friends and I was only left with him. The last night, he almost raped me. I realize in that moment what's happening. My best friend stopped him in time, but I was so broken by all the lies and manipulation that I went to buy drugs from a person who I shouldn't have. I thought it would make me feel better but it didn't. The next day, I took the rest of the drugs and tried to kill myself. My parents found me in time and I was sent to the psychiatry. When I got better and found out one of my best friend's dad from the Pogue group is missing, I went to him. He didn't ask what happened or why I was back. We huged and we talk about his dad. Since that day, I never talked about my Kook year. Only some parts that had to be said, but I closed my emotion in and tried to forget." I end my monolog fully in tears. Emily stands up and goes to me. She hugs me and we stay that way for the rest of our time together.
,,Kie, I know this was hard for you to say out loud, but it was a first step so you could heal, but we are not done. We need to keep going. You need to get it out of yourself." she says with a small smile. I nod.
,,Let me take your number so we can arrange another session." she gives me a paper and I write my number on it.
,,Okey. Take a minute and you can go." she squeezes my hand and goes outside to talk to my brother.
