JJ
I get outside completely out of my mind. How could she went to my dad of all people? She knows what a monster he is. She knows what he did to me. What he still does to me. I can't believe her.
,,JJ." Caleb says my name but I shake my head, so he wouldn't try to talk to me. I need to cool down before I say something to her I would regret. But I am furious right now.
The door opens again, I don't even have to turn around to see who it is. It's either Kiara or John B. I hope it's John B. The door closes again.
,,I know you don't understand and you might never want to speak to me ever again, which I totally understand, I should have never go to him, but just let me tell you why I did it. I don't want to excuse myself, but before you decide if you will ever talk to me, let me tell you, why. Why I was so desperate for the drugs I went to Luke of all people to get it." she says. I close ma eyes and nod but don't turn around.
,,Like I said we dated for a while and Rafe though we are in love and it's time to have sex.." I open my eyes at that and turn around because in that moment I figure where she's headed.
,,No." I shake my head. She isn't looking at me.
,,I need to say it, J. I need you to hear it, so you might understand." she looks up for a moment. She has tears in her eyes.
,,He came to me and said I follow him. So I did. I though he just wanted to show me something or make out. You know? We went upstairs to his room. We talked for a while, some small talk, I don't really remember. After that he kissed me, we started to make out. He went further then I liked, so I said to him I don't want to have sex with him. At first he backed up, I think he thought I need some pep talk or something, but it would happen that night eventually. I said to him it's not gonna happen. We started to argue and then when I was mad a I said I don't want because I wanted to be with someone I love. Someone I am in love. He snapped, I saw it in his eyes. He grabbed me, he went with it. I panicked and started to shout for help. He didn't like that so he started to choke me, I almost passed out. I grab my phone and I tried to call someone but I couldn't really see so I was just pressing on some apps and hoped it's someone number. It wasn't. He noticed and throw my phone away and got back to what he was doing. He didn't care I couldn't breath, I think if Caleb weren't looking for me he would do it. He would have raped me even if I passed out. When Cabe came in and saw what was happening, he also snapped and punched Rafe. I fell down, I was.. in shock to say the least. I was out, I couldn't understand what just happened. I thought it must be a nightmare and would wake up any second. I haven't. When I could breath normally again I looked around and saw Rafe in blood, Caleb in blood. I begged them to stop. I shout for help and eventually Topper and Kelce came in and separated them. They wanted to know what happened, but neither of them told him. Caleb rushed to me. He picked me up and we went to the living room. Topper after a minute told us Rafe was on drugs and he's sorry if he was high and some shit. I didn't want them to know what happened, so Caleb went back for my phone and gave it to me. Then he left again to grab my jacket but I wanted to be as far as possible from Rafe, so I got up and somehow I got from the house. I don't remember much. It's still a blur what happened after that. I don't know how long a was walking. I don't even know if I was headed in the right direction. Like I said, I felt dead inside, I felt like a zombie and I was still waiting to wake up. Then I figured that is not gonna happen, so when Big John offered me a ride home, all I could though about was drugs to numb me. Maybe if I take something I wake up the next day and don't remember today. I told him to give me a ride to your house, I knock the door. Your dad opened up and I shove into his direction all my money and said I wanted the strongest drug he has. He was looking at me kind of confused but when he realized I was serious and I was giving him more money than I should have he grab the money and give me some pills. When I got back home I took some I was feeling.. I was feeling, the next day I felt nothing and then I took the rest of the pills... you know the rest." I don't even know what to say to that, what to do. I can't imagine that something like that happened, what she went through and we didn't know.
,,Fuck." I whisper and hug her as tight as I can. She was crying since she started to talk, but she wanted me to hear it, so I just stood in my place and fight to hug her sooner.
,,I am sorry, J. I should have gone home." she presses herself closer to me like I could disappear any moment. Or like this is the last time. Then I remember what she said before and I back away little bit, so I could look her in the eyes.
,,Don't. I understand. I can't.. I can't imagine. I understand." I hug her again fighting my own tears to come out.
,,I am sorry." she says again.
,,If you can't forgive yourself then I forgive you instead." I whisper, one tear slipping from my eye.
