Kiara
We arrived at the cabin yesterday and I am still pretty shaken up. I am in my room looking at the celling thinking. Overthinking. Literally torturing myself.
I do this for most of the 9 days. Every night we play some board game Kylie chooses.
When the Finnley's arrives, we go snowbording almost everyday. We are also going to the local pub for karaoka nights and before we know it Christmas rolls up. I do some shopping with the twins for my family but also for the Pogues. We already bought something for the Pogues from me, Kyle, Riley and Kylie, but I wanted to buy them something just from me. I can't help it. I know they won't probably ever talk to me again but it keeps me going. I don't have much left from my family. I don't buy anything for my parents which is enough reminder how little remains. I don't what to do to make it better.
I also talk to my therapist daily in the morning because not that I am suicidal but I am worse than I was. I am good when I am with someone but when I am alone, it all hits me.
Riley invited the Finnley's on Christmas dinner but I tried to help and the electricity fuses shut down, so now we are ordering McDonald's for dinner.
JJ
Sarah bought our favourite foods and we made the dinner at the châteu, but we are still waiting for the sun go down before we go eat.
We are playing scrabble at the porch when my phone starts to ring. It's Kylie.
,,Hola." I pick up and put her on speaker.
,,Guess what?" she squicks.
,,What?" I ask.
,,We are getting McDonald's on Christmas dinner! I love this year!" she laughs and we do too.
,,How come? I thought your mum was cooking?" Sarah asks.
,,Hey, I am caplable of getting it!" we hear Kiara's voice over the phone.
,,No! You just sit here and don't touch anything else! I would actually like to eat something tonight!" Kyle's voice shouts.
,,Shut up I am on the phone!" Kylie shouts.
,,Our electricity is down thanks to Mia." Kylie explains and Sarah chuckles. I don't do anything. It has been almost three weeks since they left and... I miss her so much. I'm still pissed but jesus I can't help it.
,,Hey, it's not my fault!" Kie shouts at Kylie.
,,Oh, please! You almost burned the house down too." Kylie shouts back.
,,That girl do like fire." she tells to us.
,,Oh my God." Kie comments and go somewhere loudly.
,,I want my phone back! Where are you hiding?!" Kie shouts.
,,Oh fuck. She's mean." Kylie chuckles.
,,What are you doing?" she asks.
,,Playing scrabble." I say.
,,Ooh, we played two nights ago and I crush them." she comments.
,,Mikayla Carrera! Give me my phone back!" Kie shouts closer.
,,I'm talking to my friends! Shut! Up!" Kylie calls back.
,,I don't care if you are talking to the fucking Pope! You know you aren't allowed after what you did today!" Kie comes closer.
,,I am actually talking to Pope! Right, Pope?" Kylie says.
,,Sure." Pope chuchles.
,,What did you do?" John B asks her.
,,We were skying and I wasn't listening so I bumb into some people." she laughs.
,,Some people? You crushed into the fucking line of people." Kie is at her.
,,Give it." she adds.
,,It's not fair! They don't want to talk to you so I can't talk to them!? Jealous much?" Kylie asks and I raise my eyebrows.
,,Oh she's mad." Cloe comments.
,,This is better than TV." Pope laughs.
,,Lose the attitude, Mikayla." Kiara says.
,,You can talk to them and whoever you want when your parents allows it, now you can't, so say your goodbyes and go help your mum." Kie states.
,,I liked you better before the fucking bomb went off!" Kylie shouts.
,,Don't we all." Kie comments coldly.
,,You should call back your therapist! You obviously need more help!" Kylie doesn't stop.
,,Are you done?" Kie asks.
,,I wish you died that day!" Kylie shouts and runs off without ending the phone call. I think she forgot about it.
,,Oh shit, that was... harsh." John B shakes his head.
,,Just call her tomorrow." Kie says into the phone and hangs up. I look up.
,,Jesus." I state suprised by Kylie's reaction.
,,Should we... I don't know.. call back?" Sarah asks. I exchange a look with others.
,,Maybe just text her?" Sarah says when no one doesn't say anything.
,,Okey." I nod.
Kie
JJ: U okey?
Kie: I told you to call her tomorrow, she's off phone today.
JJ: I was asking u Kie.
Kie: Fucking great.
,,Fucking great." I read out loud.
,,She thought I was asking about Kylie." I add.
,,You suprised after you yelled at her like that?" John B shrugs.
,,I tried, man." I state and put the phone
away.
,,It's none of my business, J." he states.
,,That's right." I nod and we finish the game.
Kiara
He had to text, because I am not overthinking enough. I know he did it only because he heard Kylie say those things. I bet the Pogues made him to text me, because he was pretty clear how he thinks about me.
I sigh and put my phone away. I go downstairs when I hear Kyle comes back. I don't say anything to them today. It's Christmas and I know she didn't mean any of it. We have been through a lot so I give her a pass, but if it happens again, I'll have to tell them she should talk to someone. Maybe I tell them that anyway, but not specificaly why.
,,Alright! Let's eat!" Kyle says and we sit around the table. Kylie ignores me for most of the dinner but no one notice since I don't talk much to anyone either, but I guess it's normal for me nowdays.
We talk a bit even after dinner and when Kylie leaves some cookies with milk for Santa we go wrap our presents and leave them under the tree in two piles. One from Santa, one from us People.
Our parents did the same for us and it made more sense for us as kids. Knowing that we give each other presents too.
Then we go to sleep too, but before we do I can't help but sent them another message since it's the 25th already.
The Pogues
Kie: Happy Christmas <3.
Then I put my phone on the night stand and close my eyes pretty tired. It does to you knowing it's first Christmas without your parents and your best friends.
I am so ready for this fucking year to be over but on the other hand I can't imagine going into 2023 knowing my friends won't talk to me.
Maybe going back to OBX isn't a good idea. Maybe we should move somewhere else and start fresh allowing them to breath without fearing they will have to see me in school.
