Kiara
JJ falls asleep in my arms after crying for what felt like eternity. I repeated to him I love him and I am not going anywhere. I stroke his hair and held him till he calm down a little and fell asleep like I said.
I haven't move all night. I was leaning against him and thinking what I want to say to him when he wakes up. I made little notes and then repeated it the whole night in my head. I started crying around two o'clock in the morning when I realize he has this feeling because of Luke. He always told him he's worthless and piece of shit and now he can accept I love him and not Rafe. Eh! Even thinking about it makes me puke, I can't imagine what must have thought when he thought I would still go back to him after what he did. How little he must think of himself when he think Rafe would be better than him? Jesus Christ, I need to think about anything else or I might actually puke.
Someone knock on the door when the sun is already shining in. I don't move. I don't speak. The person doesn't give up and opens the door anyway. It's John B. He looks on the bed first and when he realized no one is there, he looks around the room and find us sitting in the middle. JJ lying in my arms but still huging me and I huging him.
John B raises his eyebrows and when he meets my eyes he frowns.
,,Is he okey? Are you?" he whispers so he wouldn't wake JJ. I haven't slept all night so I can imaging why he's asking about me.
,,I'm fine, but JJ..." I shake my head a little and stroke his hair automaticaly.
,,Fuck, ehm... can I do something to help?" he ask.
,,I don't think so." I say and look down at JJ. John B sighs.
,,I'll be right back." he says and closes the door silently.
John B
,,Be queit, guys." I walk on the porch where's everybody eating breakfast.
,,What's up? Are they still sleeping?" Sarah asks.
,,Well, JJ is." I say.
,,They are sitting in middle of the room. Kie looks like she will drop dead from exhaustion and JJ is sleeping in her arms. I think she didn't sleep last night and she haven't slept much the previous day and she looks really worried." I explain.
,,I think something must have going on with JJ deeper that we thought." I add.
,,Fuck." Pope says and exchange a look with Cleo.
,,Can we do something?" Sarah asks.
,,No. Just stay quiet and on alert if anything." I say. I make breakfast and coffee for Kie and go back.
Kiara
John B comes back and sits down next to me. He gives me a coffee and breakfast.
,,Thanks." I whisper. I eat it and drink the coffee.
We don't say anything else. We just sit there in silance and wait for JJ to wake up.
After another hour or so, he starts to move so I look up at John B.
,,I talk to him, but go say the others not to do a big thing about this. He would hate that." I whisper. He nods and gets up quickly. He leaves the room to tell the others.
JJ opens his eyes after a few more minutes.
,,Morning." I say. He sits up properly but I don't let go of his hands.
,,Hey." he doesn't look at me.
,,Can we just... pretened yesterday didn't happen?" he asks.
,,You can with the others but not with me, J." I deny his request.
,,Yeah, I figured. You are the feelings department." he nods.
,,I'm what now?" I ask confused.
,,You know, when we need to talk about our feelings, we go talk to you. I think it's because you're a girl and good listener. We don't talk about feelings with John B and Pope." he explains.
,,Alright. I don't even gonna question that, because you're probably right, but... now I am talking to you as your girlfrined and not feelings department, okey?" I ask him.
,,My girlfriend? Didn't I scared you enough for you wanting to run the hell away? Fast?" he asks still not looking at me.
,,You just made me realize I care for you more than I thought and I didn't think that's possible." I squeeze his hands.
,,You broke my heart yesterday, J." I say but he doesn't understand what I mean.
,,It broke my heart seeing you suffer and not be able to take your pain away or help you." I add so he would get what I mean. He looks slowly up.
,,I'm sorry." he says.
,,Don't. It's not your fault. I should have paid more attention, I know you, I know how you think. How little you think about yourself because your dad didn't let a day go by to say awfull things about you." I scoot closer to him.
,,But he's wrong. You are so fucking amazing. You care about others. You love with your whole heart. You help even though there might not be a way, you always find one even thought it's probably stupid one. But you care enough to try anyway. I could sit here all day telling you how amazing person you are despite the person who raised you." I say and he finally looks at me.
,,Shit, Kie, you look terrible." he states and cups my face with his hands.
,,Jeez, thanks." I smile.
,,I just want you to know. It's true, I have history with Rafe and I can't change that and believe me if I could I would. But I can't, but it's in the past and now we are in the present. I'm with you because I chose to. I chose to becase I love you and I don't know when that happened and how but I can't imagine my life without you. And you have a lot to offer me, you make me alive every day. Everyday is amazing if you are with me. You make me laugh like no one else. You make me mad like no one elese. You would do anything for me. To protect me. To save me. And you did. Not everyone would do that and you did it without even thinking about it twice. The only thing Rafe gave me was pain. Depression. Almost death. He's not even on the same scale when it comes to who's better for me. It's you by the way, if you haven't got that by now. He told me yesterday, he did these things because how awfull Ward has been to him and I told him, your dad wasn't that great either and it still didn't make you into him. You are not murder. You wouldn't hurt your loved ones. You wouldn't hurt me. You would die before any of us. Don't do that by the way. Anyway, you get my point, right?" I ask. He smiles and nods.
,,I so fucking love you, Kie." he leans in and kisses me for a moment.
,,I love you more." I say when he leans his forehead against mine.
,,Be my girlfriend. Please." he says.
,,I already called you mine boyfriend, so it would be weird if I wasn't yours." I smile. He leans back so he could look at me.
,,Say that again." he smiles even more and I wish that smile would stay there forever.
,,What?" I ask.
,,That you are mine." he says.
,,I'm yours, JJ. I always had been." I kiss him again.
