Nikolai x Reader

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Thanks @Sorbet29 for the request!
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The sound of beeping filled my ear just as much as the sound of my heart beating rapidly.  Fighting down my panic, I dialed again, desperate to hear his voice.  Like the other ten times I tried, my call was immediately declined. 
    
It wasn't unusual for Nikolai to not pick up his cell especially when he was busy with a mission but something about tonight set me on edge.  I could've been going insane but death seemed to travel through the air tonight, settling on my tongue and clouding my senses with a morbid promise.  With the stakes raised lately for our job, the chances of our demise was only growing.  It wasn't my life I worried for though, it was my lover's. 
    
Deciding I was getting nowhere by trying to call him, I decided to roam around the area where he was suspected to be working tonight.  He shouldn't be too far from around here considering he rarely finishes a job quickly, preferring to be dramatic and prolonging the final act of death to his victims.  I couldn't find any sign of him around though. 
    
That spark of concern I was holding back was turning into barely contained panic as I started to pick up my pace.  Looking down every corner and alley, my eyes cut into the dark of the shadows for the only shine of light in my life.  My movements were becoming jerky and desperate with each minute passed that I didn't know where Nikolai was.  The ache spreading in my chest was almost a physical pain at this point. 
    
Nikolai meant everything to me, my one true love for as long as I shall live.  He was the reason I even took this whole position with the Decay of the Angel in the first place.  It was a way to stay close to him and protect him in any way I could.  It was clearly pointless at this moment though as I staggered through the streets like a madman. 
    
It was then I noticed a crowd gathered around one of the abandoned apartments with policemen yelling out to one another.  Lights from cruisers parked haphazardly nearby blinded me as my knees began to shake.  I didn't need to ask to know what was happening as I sprinted into the crowd of shocked bystanders. 
    
Pushing through the onlookers, I had only one thought screaming through my head; just don't be Nikolai.  I broke through the huddle of people, throwing myself against the crime tape blocking off the entrance to the abandoned building.  Strong arms yanked me back as I desperately reached out to fight through, screaming and begging for it not to be true. 
    
I watched an officer exit the building with a sullen expression as I was wrangled to the ground.  The officer ignored me as he went to a city official who might've been a detective.  I froze my movements to listen to what he had to say, only picking up bits and pieces of the conversation. 
    
"...long white hair in a braid...black and white suit...gunshot wound...dead."  Vision blurring, my breaths came in ragged gasps.  The aching pain in my chest was so intense it was all I could focus on other than the realization that Nikolai was dead.  I didn't cry though, not yet.  I needed to see his body first before I completely broke down.  I was still pretty damn close though. 
    
A sudden surge of strength rushed through me as I knocked off the officer holding me down as I shot up.  There'd be more policemen blocking the common entrance so I sprinted around the side of the building to look for a window to sneak into.  Tears welled in my eyes at the possibility of it all but the description the officer gave to the detective sounded just like him, every beautiful detail of him. 
    
Turning a corner, I heard shuffling behind me but as I spun around, something hard was swung at the back of my head.  My vision went dark before I could see who had attacked me and I wasn't so sure I cared enough to know.  Without Nikolai, I didn't care what happened to me.

~~~

I woke up with my head spinning and tears falling down my face.  I wasn't sure how long I was out or where I was considering I refused to open my eyes.  I didn't want to see what this world would be without Nikolai in it.  Giving in to my sorrow, I began to sob.  My hands clenched the sheets of the bed I seemed to be on in frustration. 
    
A door creaked open as hurried steps ran in.  I braced myself for another hit or attack of some kind, my breathing erratic and my tears continuing to fall.  If I was going to be killed they might as well hurry up and do it.  They weren't getting information from me and I'd rather be with Nikolai than wherever I was now. 
    
When a gentle shushing brushed against my ear and a careful hand cupped my face, my eyes flew open in aching hope.  The world tilted sideways from the hit to my head earlier but I could still clearly see my lover standing over me with a concerned frown pulling at his lips. 
    
"Please don't cry my dear.  I'm here," Nikolai whispered gently, brushing away my tears tenderly.  My sorrow was replaced with relief before quickly turning to anger.  Despite my weariness, I gripped Nikolai's shoulders before flipping us.  Holding him down, my teeth gritted at the audacity of his actions. 
    
"How could you do that to me?!  If you're going to fucking fake your death you need to tell me.  God damn it, Nikolai, I was ready to go find your body," I seethed, eyes narrowed.  His eyes widened in surprise as if he hadn't thought to do that.  It only pissed me off more. 
    
Gripping the front of his suit, I yanked him up harshly.  He gave a small squeak as my lips hit his before he abruptly sighed.  His hands held my face to his as we pushed closer.  I was desperate in each touch, my hands moving down his body carefully, checking for any injuries as Nikolai shivered pleasantly. 
    
"Don't do that to me again...please, I love you too much," I whispered shakily between kisses.  Nikolai hummed before pulling away with a light blush and half lidded eyes.  His expression wasn't anything less than passionate and borderline sultry.  He adjusted to lean me back, moving to place himself on my lap with a warm smile. 
    
"I won't do it again.  I love you too, my dear," he whispered back before pulling me in for another kiss.  Holding him close, I vowed to never leave his side again.  I never wanted to feel the pain of his death again for I knew it would break me beyond any repair.  For now though I'd keep him against me to heal the pain.

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