Bungou Stray Dogs x Male Reader Oneshots

Fyodor x Reader

Thanks @kazuwuq for the request!
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‼️mild angst‼️
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The room felt more empty than usual today, something that I absolutely hated as I curled tighter into the couch. A deep sigh rattled in my lungs, the exhaustion, both physically and mentally, wearing me down. My eyes felt heavy as I stared mindlessly at the tv that only had about five channels. This felt like solitary confinement at this point, even though it was somewhat self induced. But without Fyodor, I didn't really have the motivation to go out anymore.

It's been a few weeks since Fyodor had to go off the grid, cutting off ties to everyone around him, including me. He had reassured me that it wasn't my fault and that he'd be back but as days passed without so much as a sign that he was still alive, I grew more agitated and lonesome. It was like he was the only person who could fill this emptiness that had begun to grow in his absence but I wasn't sure now if he would ever come back to fix what he had broken.

My eyes stung but no tears built up, those had long since dried up and I refused to cry over him again. It shouldn't have counted as bottling up my emotions but it sure felt like it as that dark ache in my chest spread up my spine and through my arms. I lifted my hands to my face, looking at them to find that they were trembling. My breathing began to pick up out of nowhere, the wonderful sign of a soon-to-be panic attack.

I threw off my blankets and bolted off the couch, stumbling to the bathroom and clutching my stomach as my mouth started to taste like static. Slamming open the door, I scrambled to my knees and lurched into the toilet. I hated this feeling with passion but managed to make it a quick experience.

After a few moments, I was reduced to dry heaving and hyperventilating; not a fun mix. My head rested on the counter as I splashed water onto my face every few seconds. Throwing up had taken all of my remaining energy to leave me behind as nothing more than a husk.

When I caught sight of myself in the mirror, I felt like heaving again. I was an absolute mess with dark circles surrounding my bloodshot eyes and unkempt hair that was too much of a nest to be seen as attractive. My skin had an unnatural shine to it that might've been sweat, might've been vomit that I spilled onto myself. I wanted to hurl again just thinking about what Fyodor would think if he saw me like this. He'd be just as sickened as I was.

"Fuck you," I rasped, flipping off my disgusting reflection. I pushed myself onto my wobbly knees, stripping myself as I went before half falling into the tub. I managed to turn on the water for the shower, feeling instant relief from the burn that made my skin feel tight. Still in a daze, I lazily scrubbed myself down as if I could wash away my shame and the sharp prick of loneliness that plagued me constantly. Maybe this was why Fyodor left me. He didn't need to lay low, he just needed an excuse to leave me behind. I didn't even blame him for wanting to put me in his past. What was I compared to him?

"Fucking hell," I muttered through a soft sob, turning off the water and reaching for my clothes to put them on. Shortly after, I found myself overcome with anger. This usually happened after my frequent panic attacks so it wasn't unexpected when I slammed my fist against the bathroom counter.

"Fucking damn it." Suddenly a hand gripped mine, holding me back from hitting the cold surface again. I gasped in surprise, shaken immediately out of my strange trance as I took a defensive step away from the person who had snuck up on me. When I caught sight of the intruder though, I felt the tears I had been suppressing for so long start to run down my face.

"Oh my, don't cry darling. I told you I'd be back," Fyodor cooed, pulling me into his arms where I felt instantly at home in a way I haven't felt since he left so long ago. It didn't feel real but as I buried my face into his shoulder and clung to him tightly with him kissing my head, I let myself calm down enough to realize that he was actually here with me. He had kept his promise to come back to me.

I tried to speak to him, to tell him what I've been through since he left me with no comforting words or calming touches but all that I could do was cry for the weeks that have passed, that felt wasted. He seemed to understand my inability to tell him this as he calmly shushed me while gently cradling me back and forth on my shaky feet. His kisses covered my head, trailing down my jaw and back to my temple in a sweet manner that couldn't be faked or disguised. It made me feel guilty for ever doubting him.

"It's going to be alright, y/n. I'm never going to put you through that again. That was too agonizing for me," he whispered, leaning in to gently place a kiss to my lips. I shivered at the contact but only pressed in closer against him, not wanting to ever let him go. I never wanted to be as lost as I was without him ever again.