Bungou Stray Dogs x Male Reader Oneshots

Jouno x Reader

Thanks @-N1K0LAI for the request!
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‼️emotional damage‼️
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I knew love was a painful thing but who knew it could be the death of me. As much as I tried to push away my feelings to save myself, to survive, I just couldn't do it. Jouno was too important to me and I loved him too much even if I knew he would never return the feeling. Even if I know that it would eventually kill me.

I glanced over at Jouno now as we were paired up for patrol together. Maybe some light conversation could ease the strange tension between us or at least calm the pain in my chest that seemed to grow with every day.

"How have you been Jouno? I feel like we don't talk as much anymore," I asked, glancing towards him. He didn't even bother to face me as his hand tightened on his sheathed sword as if he was prepared for a fight. I couldn't help but frown at the subtle gesture.

"I've been fine," he mumbled, clearly uninterested in conversation as I internally cringed. I understood if he didn't want to talk to me but he didn't need to shut me out like this. I wasn't even sure why he has been so cold lately but his apathetic words made a sharp sting erupt behind my ribs. My arm wrapped around my side as casually as possible to not attract his attention.

"Right...that's good," I muttered, feeling disappointed. I should've stopped talking right then but the pain in my ribs only made me want to try harder to ease the pain. Even just hearing him was enough to cause a momentary numbness. "But what have you been up to?"

Jouno let out a sigh as he tilted his head at me before turning away again. "We're on patrol. This isn't some game so shut it already," Jouno muttered. I flinched at my foolishness. Nothing was going to happen on this patrol, it was deep in a forest where no one even goes but it was obviously a way for Jouno to get me to shut up...and it worked as I looked away from him.

"Forget it then," I whispered, clutching my side as I coughed into my hand. The coughing was quiet but it was harsh as I felt something flutter up my throat, burning its way through me until I pulled my hand away to find thick blood on my palm. I stared at it in horror, chunks of what looked like petals soaked in crimson dripping as I anxiously wiped it on my pants.

No. I stared at my hand in a panic as my coughing ceased, my ribs hurting like hell as I walked away from Jouno. I didn't even bother telling him an excuse as I trudged down a nearby path. He would probably be happy to know I had left him alone anyways.

When I was sure I was a decent way away from Jouno, I sat on the ground with my head in my hands. Hanahaki disease...I had Hanahaki disease. That must've been what the flower petals soaked in blood was when I coughed. It explained the way my ribs ached as if thorny vines were scraping along my bones. It explained my heavy breathing and the physical ache in my heart from Jouno's passiveness. And all of this meant...I was going to die.

The idea seemed to curl around my lungs tighter than the heartbroken vines and hurt more than the sharp prick of the thorns as I cried softly. I didn't want to love him, I really didn't but it wasn't something I could just turn off...and now I was screwed. I wasn't going to tell him though. I would never tell him that I was dying from a broken heart because of him, because I fell for someone who would never love me back. I'd take that secret to my early grave.

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Jouno POV

Today was the day. I've been denying it too long but now that y/n has been mysteriously gone for so long, I realized how much I needed him. I didn't mean to push him away like I did before but I couldn't understand the way he made me feel. I felt bad for trying to keep distance between us but hopefully he would forgive me when I explained to him that I was scared of what I felt towards him. I know that I've never felt so strongly for someone and the thought of confessing made me feel bubbly. I just had to find where he's been for the past week.

I decided to call Fukuchi to ask if he knew what mission he must've been given so I could talk to him. He would probably know where y/n was and what he was doing. I held the phone to my ear as I hummed in excitement. I couldn't wait to see y/n after a week of being apart, even if we didn't really talk before.

"Hey Fukuchi. Do you know where y/n is? I got to talk to him," I cheerily asked into the phone when he answered. There was a brief silence, I'm assuming Fukuchi was grabbing an address or checking a file to tell me what mission he was on but it took a while until he answered.

"He's at the cemetery," he answered softly. I was a bit confused as to why he was there but I shrugged. Maybe he was paying respects to someone he used to know. I could comfort him while I was there then and confess to him afterwards.

"Alright! I'm off then," I smiled, ready to hang up.

"Wait! There's something you should know befo—!" I hung up on Fukuchi before tilting my head in confusion. He sounded urgent but it was probably fine. I stuffed my phone into my pocket before I stepped out to head to the cemetery.

It didn't take long to get there, my senses reaching out in search of y/n as I walked past the gates. It was quiet as I walked around, down the rows of graves in search of y/n. There didn't seem to be anyone here though...until I bumped into Tetchou of all people. I groaned at the feel of his presence.

"Ugh, what are you doing here? I'm looking for y/n and your annoying presence is in the way," I grumbled bitterly. Tetchou would surely ruin the moment between us if he stuck around.

"Jouno...did no one tell you?" Tetchou whispered gently. I instantly hated his tone as I felt my muscles tense in fear, my head shaking before he even continued. "He's right here...". The smell of freshly dug up dirt, the aroma of flowers on the grave in front of us, the sickness and horror that washed over me as I dropped to my knees on y/n's burial. Tears slipped past my closed eyes as my shaky hand reached out to the headstone, my fingers running over his name before I let out a cry of anguish. I forced my fingers to trail over his cause of death, my whole body freezing as I sobbed. Hanahaki disease.

"No...please no," I whispered through my sobs, wrapping my arms around myself as I clutched my head. Pain shot through my whole body with the reality of his death, my chest aching as I shook my head in disbelief.

"It happened a few days ago. No one knew until it was too late," Tetchou whispered before I heard him take a step back. "I'll leave you two alone. I'm sorry Jouno. I know he liked you." That only made me sob harder as I tilted my head back towards the sky.

How could this happen? How could fate be so cruel and take him away when I realized I loved him? When I realized I couldn't be without him? The pain in my chest grew, as if something sharp was tangling in my ribs and heart but I didn't think twice about it as I sat against y/n's headstone, desperately wishing he was here. Wishing I had been given the chance to say goodbye. To say I loved him. The smell of flowers filled my nostrils, seeming to lace my tongue as my breathing turned heavy.