Bungou Stray Dogs x Male Reader Oneshots

Nikolai x Reader

Thanks @iipobx for the request!
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The feeling growing inside me was strange.  I thought I felt happy one second but then I'd feel anxious in the next.  Something was changing lately and I wasn't sure what was causing it but it left me confused and in need of attention.  I tried to restrain the very strong urge to reach out to someone to try to talk through what was making me feel so weird and longing for something I wasn't sure existed yet.  To say I loved Nikolai just felt way too terrifying to admit out loud.  With each day that passed though, it felt right. 
    
At the end of a long night, coming home to be in his arms brought me so much joy it hurt.  Alongside the happy thoughts and memories were the shadows of terror and fear of him not wanting anything like that from me.  Nikolai was unpredictable and was way too good at masking what he felt at any given moment.  I didn't want to end up hurt and left behind because I wasn't content in a good spot. 
    
The greedy part of me wanted all of him though.  I didn't want to keep staying friends that would show affection every now and again when the mood arose.  I didn't want to wonder if he was out with someone else or overthink every interaction we had in hopes that it meant more than it did.  I just wanted him to be mine and for me to be his.  Somehow having no strings attached didn't feel like freedom but like a prison of its own where my emotions weren't allowed to interfere with a delicate balance. 
    
It was starting to get hard whenever I reached some invisible line that told me to stop.  Nikolai was the type to tease and torment and he seemed to enjoy doing it as well to me.  He'd lead me on, getting close when he knew it was affecting me.  There were times when he'd even leave kisses on my body out of the blue but push me away the next.  This man knew how to drive me to insanity in one moment and snatch me back the next.  One of these days I might end up killing him before I ever tried to kiss him. 
    
Perhaps that day would be today as I watched Nikolai stride into the living room of our shared apartment before he sat himself right by me where I was lying down.  He didn't even hesitate to lift my legs up before settling them over his lap.  I wouldn't have gotten so flustered over the contact if he hadn't let his hand linger on my calf, gently drawing circles on my skin.  My heart should've felt light but I only felt dread sink in my gut. 
    
"What's that face for?  Should I try moving my hand higher?" Nikolai smirked as his hand slowly slid up my leg to my thigh.  Before he could move his slender fingers higher, I smacked his hand away with a frown.  I felt absolutely awful and this wasn't helping my confusion.  Sitting up abruptly and pulling my legs away from him, I tried to stand up to get away from him but he only pulled me back down.  I felt my heartbeat thudding horribly in my chest as he shifted to have me laying in his lap with his arm secured around my waist. 
    
"Let me go right now Nikolai.  I'm not in the mood for your teasing tonight.  Not like this," I mumbled solemnly as I tried to pry his arm off of me.  He only tightened his grip, bringing his face down close to mine with his eyes staring right through me.  It sent chills down my arms that he could joke all the time and then have an expression like that.  It made me feel an ice cold uneasiness that contrasted with the flustered warmth spreading through my body with his contact. 
    
"What's wrong with you lately?  You've never cared when I played around like this before.  I'm starting to get a little bit hurt y/n," he admitted, pressing a finger against my spine to make me curl closer to him.  It was amazing how I felt a strong urge to pull him in for a kiss while also wanting to elbow his ribs enough to crack one of them.  I settled on averting my gaze from him while going limp in his hold.  My heart just wasn't in any of this anymore. 
    
"Everything is just strange.  I was perfectly fine with all this teasing at one point but I'm not sure how I feel now.  Each time you do stupid jokes like this, I want to entertain you and keep you smiling but I also want to push you far away.  I don't want to be a joke to you anymore," I whispered in defeat, closing my eyes so I didn't have to look at any expression he would make.  When I felt him let me go and set me onto the couch, my heart broke into a million pieces.  I almost cried before I felt the couch dip down under the weight of Nikolai hovering over me. 
    
"What made you think any of this was a joke?  Y/n, I know I play around a lot but with you I'm the most serious I ever am.  I suppose all of this was my way of letting you know I wanted more without saying it," Nikolai whispered back to me as he leaned in from above me.  His hands gently grabbed mine to intertwine our fingers.  I could barely breathe under his confession but as it sank in, an uncontrollable smile flitted across my face.  I couldn't help sighing in relief. 
    
"That's all I wanted to hear," I smiled up at him, my arms wrapping around his neck to pull him close to me.  He pushed his forehead against mine softly, kissing my nose tenderly in a way that left me flushed and happy.  This time there was no fear that gripped my positive emotions as I pulled Nikolai in for a kiss.