Jennie
As soon as I got home, it was apparent that Lisa was in the process of moving her things. My heart hurt seeing how small the pile of her boxes was left in my room because after what I was about to do, she wouldn't have a reason to be here anymore or actually want to be around me.
I sat on the couch and tucked my legs under me as I pulled out my phone. Lisa sent me a good morning text earlier and normally I would've sent her one back, but if I was going to break up with her today, I couldn't be sending her mixed signals.
I untangled my legs from under me and sat up straight, my leg bouncing nervously as I waited for her to come home. Three months ago, I wasn't sure if I could even fool people to believe that Lisa and I are in a romantic relationship and Alison gave me the advice to pretend that it was just a role I was playing.
Initially, I didn't think I could do it. But how could I not fall for Lisa? She's the most charming and beautiful person I know. I took a deep breath, trying to get into character because that's what all of this was - just a role I was playing. I was supposed to play the part of smitten girlfriend to Lisa Manoban and now I was supposed to pretend that I didn't want to be with her anymore.
But this was how it was meant to end. Lisa and I were supposed to go our separate ways. What wasn't supposed to happen, was getting attached and falling for her. Everything started to get complicated once feelings started getting involved.
While I was deep in thought, I saw the floor numbers climb above the elevator doors. She was here and I was going to see her in about a minute. I changed the expression on my face from anxious to stoic, channelling the actress that I was, as the elevator doors open.
Lisa stepped off the elevator tentatively holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers in one hand while holding a box of pizza in the other. I tried to calm the butterflies in my stomach that always appeared whenever she was near me.
"Hi baby." she bit her lip nervously. "I... I got these for you." she handed me the flowers but I crossed my arms across my chest and looked away instead of taking her peace offering. Lisa pursed her lips and put the bouquet on the coffee table in front of me.
"I thought maybe we could have one last dinner together until I move out completely." she opened the box with pineapple pizza and I almost smiled, knowing that she hated pineapple pizza but was willing to stomach it for me.
She sat down on the couch beside me, "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for what I said the other day." she said quietly. "It was so out of line when I said that and I don't think that you're stuck up or pretentious." she reached for my hands but I moved my hands subtly, so it was out of her reach.
Lisa definitely noticed but she didn't let it stop her from continuing, "Yes, Hollywood is full of people who use others to get ahead and there are a lot of narcissists in your field of work. But you're different. You're the kindest person that I know and you would literally give the shirt off your back for a stranger if they needed it."
She reached across to hold my hands and my heart fluttered with the physical contact, "But I never should've said it and we never should have gone to bed angry at each other. I'm sorry." She lifted my hand up to her lips and gave it a soft kiss.
I had to look away from her because the sincerity in her eyes and her words would've been enough for me to break. It took everything I had to pull my hand away as I stood up and started walking towards the kitchen for a glass of water. I could hear her footsteps follow from behind me, "Is everything ok, babe?" I could hear the anxiousness in her voice.
"Maybe you're right." I replied not turning around, "Being a celebrity is all about appearances and it's really unfortunate but that's how this industry works."
I finally turned around and Lisa gave me a confused look, "We work in completely different fields that prioritize different skills."
"I know." Lisa smiled and wrapped her arms around my waist, "And how amazing is it that even though we're so different, we go so well together?"
I let her arms linger on me for a couple more seconds so I could savour this feeling just a little longer before I stepped back from her, "But I think we're too different." I said in a quiet voice.
Lisa frowned, "What are you talking about?"
I swallowed the lump in my throat, "We run in completely different circles, Lisa. You prefer a night at the bar with your friends while I like going to celebrity parties and award shows." That couldn't have been a bigger lie. If I had the option, I would definitely skip the parties and award shows, they were so unnecessary.
"Where is this coming from?"
I shook my head, "It was always there, Lisa. We just kind of ignored it." I looked down, ashamed at what I was about to say, "We're in different social classes, it would have never worked out for us, so why don't we just call it quits now? Give us both an out."
"Babe." she started, "I don't want an out." she pointed between us, "I don't even know what we are but if you just want a casual relationship then I want that too. I just want to be with you. I hope you feel the same way too." She lifted her arm to touch me but stopped short knowing that I'd probably move away from her, "I love you, Jennie. I love you so much."
If she had said those words any other time, my heart would have swelled. But right now, all I felt was pain inside.
"I'm sorry but I don't feel the same way. It was a mistake for us to get involved with each other romantically. We should've just stuck to the contract and save ourselves the trouble." I didn't want to look up and see her face.
I heard her shuffling in her pocket and the sound of her throwing her key onto the table. She blew out air and laughed without humour, "I guess that's show biz right? Once you've got whatever you wanted, you give them a polite rejection, saying that it just wasn't working out." She shook her head at me, "Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you're just like all of them, I mean you're a really good actress, Jennie. You had me fooled into believing that you actually had feelings for me. How you don't have any Oscar award sitting on your mantel is beyond me."
She turned walking towards the elevator and pressed the button, "You know, I used to feel bad for you whenever that asshole Taehyung would stand you up or treat you poorly. But you're both more alike than I thought, so maybe you do belong together."
Her eyes were glossy and she pressed the button on the floor panel, "I hope that you're happy now." she sniffled just before the doors closed. I ran to the doors, not like it wouldn't have mattered though. She was gone, did I really expect her to fight for us after all of the horrible things I said? "Fuck!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.
In a fit of rage, I flipped over the coffee table. Papers and magazines flew to the ground, while the sound of mugs breaking against the floor rang through the room. But I didn't stop there, I went into the kitchen and started smashing and flipping over everything in sight. It didn't make me feel better but it did give me an outlet on how to channel the anger I felt inside right now. It broke my heart to see her walk out of here. As much as I wanted to blame Mina for making me do this, it was ultimately my decision to follow through it. But I thought about how vulnerable Lisa was when she told me about her biological mom and how protective she was of Chitthip and Lia.
I couldn't just sit back and watch Mina ruin their lives even if it meant that I would lose Lisa. I was willing to sacrifice my own happiness to make sure that Lisa's life didn't get any harder. I knew that she went through a lot as a kid and I didn't want her to have to open that painful part of her past up again.
I was never really calling the shots in my life, especially when I started to act professionally. My image was important and making sure that I was well-received by the public was critical, so when I was forced to do something that went against what I believed, I didn't really mind because it was for the sake of my career. But this one was solely my own decision and I knew that it was a mistake but I had no one to blame but myself.
