Jennie
"Cut!"
"Jennie, are you ok?" Hyun-suk called from the director's chair.
I blinked, "Yeah, why?"
"Uh..." he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, "Everything was perfect, but you kind of flubbed the last line." He looked down at the script in his hand, "The line was - I can't imagine my life without you, I love you, James."
I frowned not following where I messed up the line. Brett leaned in, "You called me Lisa." he whispered. I gasped and put my hand over my mouth, "Did I really?" I looked back at Hyun-suk in horror, "I'm so sorry Hyun-suk." I've always prided myself for being able to act professionally and focused on set, this was really out of character for me.
Hyun-suk smiled at me, "Don't worry about it. The emotion that you showed was exactly what I wanted!" He looked at the watch on his wrist then looked at everyone on set, "Let's take a break for lunch everyone!" He looked back at me, "Whatever it was that channelled that emotion, hold onto it, Jennie. Because it was perfect."
I tried my best to smile at him and when that failed, I immediately made my way to my dressing room.
"Jennie! wait up!" I turned around and saw Irene walking towards me with a worried expression, "Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I've just got a really bad headache." I put my hand flush against my warm forehead.
"Alright." her expression not changing, "If you say so..."
I gave her a grateful smile and fished for my phone in my back pocket. Today was the day Lisa and I were supposed to put up our break up post announcement but she has yet to post it. I would know, I've been keeping an eye on her profile every minute that I could. I sighed and pulled up the photo I wanted to post. It was taken when we were at the bar in her hometown, both of us hammered but happy. I typed out my caption.
jennierubyjane: Our well-being and happiness will always be our number one priority. She has become one of the most special and important people in my life and with a heavy heart, we've both decided to take a step back from our relationship and be friends instead. We will always want the best for each other even if it means being with each other isn't. We're both so honoured and glad that our relationship helped others come to terms with themselves. Love is love and will always win.
I reread the caption and cringed at how impersonal it sounded. There were so many things that I wanted to add but a lot of it were things that I didn't even tell Lisa yet. I let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding as my thumb hovered over the post button. I closed my eyes and tapped on it. There. It was done.
My picture was the first photo on my timeline but my eyes lingered on Lisa's face. I really was going to miss her, not even just the physical aspect of it but her as a person. I was going to miss having her around, all of her touches, her smiles, and her laughter was what I was going to miss the most. I shook my head, I couldn't keep thinking about the what-ifs and focus on the regrets. This is the bed I've made, so now I have to lie in it.
In an attempt to distract me from looking at the picture any more, I grabbed the script from my bag and starting flipping through the pages. I just had to grin and bear it, it was what I was really good at. My phone pinged again in my hand with a notification from Instagram, ever since I put up the photo and caption, my phone has been blowing up. I was about to dismiss the notification when another one popped up.
"Urgh!" I groaned and tossed my phone onto the couch nearby. Alison walked into my dressing room, her eyes glued to her phone, "I see that you've put it up."
"Yeah." I replied closing my eyes as I slid down my seat, "And my phone hasn't stopped getting notifications from Instagram ever since."
Alison closed the door, "There are a lot of people upset about it. I have five different news outlets demanding an interview."
I winced, "Sorry, I know it's not exactly what you signed up for when I asked you to be my manager and publicist."
She shrugged, "I know, but every time I'm about to quit on you, I get my pay check and I hold off on it for another week." she joked. She plopped onto the couch and noticed my phone, "Did you see her post?"
I opened my eyes so fast and dove for my phone, "No, I didn't. I've been checking all day."
"I think she literally just posted it as I was walking in." she replied.
I unlocked my phone and scrolled through all the social media apps until I finally found the Instagram icon. Ignoring the hundreds of notifications I had, I immediately put in Lisa's username in the search bar. Instead of a picture of us that we agreed we would post, she posted a solo picture of me looking up at the stars the first night we went camping.
That moment played vividly in my head. I remember being so amazed at how many stars there were in the sky that night. I didn't even realize that she took a picture of me, I swiped right and found a picture she took of us cuddled in bed. I was asleep in her arms while she kissed the side of my head. My eyes went down to the caption.
lalalalisa_m: The amount of support and encouragement that we've received is something I know neither of us will forget and we're so thankful for all you. For those who are still questioning about their sexualities, I just want to say that you're valid and to come out when you're ready. Our community will be here to welcome you with open arms when you're ready. I'm so thankful that I not only met Jennie but had the chance to love her. She's stubborn in the best way and she's the kind of person that you'd want to have in your corner all the time and even though our relationship didn't work out, the love I have for her won't ever change. I truly believe that there's a person out there for everyone, but I also believe that you could meet the right person at the wrong time. And that's ok. Our relationship didn't work out, but she will always be the brightest star in my sky.
I read the last sentence over and over again, remembering the conversation that I had with Lisa at the same time she probably took the picture.
"So why acting?" she asked, while handing me a s'more she had just made. I accepted it gratefully and took a bite, "It gives me a chance to step into someone else's shoes even for a little bit. It's like playing dress-up, except that I get paid for it."
She laughed and I couldn't help but stare at her, she had the most beautiful smile, "That's a really good way of looking at it."
"Yeah, but there's always this pressure I put on myself, it's hard to stay relevant in Hollywood. I mean, sure I'm popular right now, but for how much longer, you know? I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm scared of being forgotten."
It was silent between the two of us and I felt awkward so I took another bite of my s'more.
"You really shouldn't worry about that kind of stuff, Jennie. For one, you're pretty unforgettable." she looked over at me, "Your fans will always support you and even if they don't, you'll always be the brightest star in my sky."
I was thankful that the sun had already set because I could feel my face flush red. "Are you always this cheesy?" I deflected, while giving her shoulder a nudge.
I couldn't believe she remembered that and I don't think she knew how much her saying that meant to me. I put my phone down and rested my head back on the headrest. Did Lisa really think that I was the right person for her? Did I self-sabotage the only healthy relationship that I've ever been in?
"What do you think?" Alison asked me.
I closed my eyes and didn't answer her, because honestly if I thought about it any longer, I'd just fall further into the feeling of regret.
