Different Things God is teaching Me

My Ex and Whys (Movie Review)

Impersonal Love- taking a look at the worldview of Cathy Garcia-Molina's "My Ex & Whys"

So, in the midst of all the positive reviews my fellow Pinoys (Filipinos) have given since the release of "My Ex & Whys" with love-team Lizquen (Liza Soberano & Enrique Gil), I would like to take the opportunity to share my thoughts, particularly to my Christian Pinoys.

EVERY FILM IS TEACHING SOMETHING

We must keep in mind as we watch any film (Filipino, American, etc...) whether on the TV or DVD, that there is something more than just mere entertainment or a "good story" being presented. It is easy for us (including your's truly) to be caught up in the gwapo/handsome gwapa/beautiful faces of the actors and actresses, the moments of clean and/or dirty humor, the excellent HD cinematography (which "My Ex & Whys" performed a stunning capture!), the well-crafted editing and storyline, etc etc. It is easy to be caught in these and to go away contented: "That was a fun film." It is too easy for us (especially me) to go away without realizing and acknowledging that movies are more than just mere entertainment or enjoyable. They are objective tools by which artists convey their view of the world (worldview), of how life ought or ought not to be lived, what is truth and what is false, what is beautiful and what is ugly, what is right and what is wrong. These things are being conveyed constantly through the TV & film industry. We do a great disservice to ourselves and the artist (or in case, director Cathy Garcia-Molina) if we walk away ignorant to the message, the lesson that the film is trying to teach us.
That being said, for those of you who want to know the synopsis of the film, I will just recommend you to Wikipedia or some other similar site to reveal the storyline to you. My review is concerned with the lesson (moral of the story) that we find at the end of the film. Obviously, every film/story has an ending and that end is more than just a punctuation: The end is a point (a capping point), the foundational message/lesson/answer/explanation to the struggles, whether minor or major, of the characters of the story.

MY STAR[the one in the five]

Certainly, "My Ex & Whys" did very well to lay down the painful consequences that arise when a person tries to take vengeance for the hurt that has been done to them; how vengeance (though just, because justice has been broken) against a criminal can actually end up bringing those one loves (though unintentional) to be touched and burned by the fire that one unleashed on his enemies. An avenging shot fired in return may cost us dearly as it may end up taking down those whom we did not intend it for.
Though bitterness is natural in a fallen and imperfect world, it still remains for it to be redeemed, not revenged. Two wrongs do not make right. Bitterness must end and forgiveness begin. In most cases, for most of us, this is a constant thing and indeed it is hard to forget after we forgive.

LOVE UNDEFINED

How does Director Cathy Garcia-Molina film the redemption of bitterness & brokenness? Ano ba kanyang solution?
Trust love.
Now if I were the Bakit List Girl I would ask the question "Ano ang love? (What is love?) I would be very surprised if Cali, the protagonist of the film, had not already asked her bloggers this question. Love has to be defined or it is a contentless and meaningless word. Like the name "God", it also has to be given an articulate explanation or we can take this word anywhere and justify any action. If the path is not laid out clearly, you will have wandering and hurt followers.
Unfortunately, Cathy Garcia-Molina just assumes we all know what love is. But is that true? If mankind on an average must already know 'love' without having it defined for them, then why is there still so much hurt being caused and received? Why does the cheating and abuse continue to exist (and grow!) ? Obviously, this is not just unique to Filipino love-films but to the American love-films as well yet I would say Philippines is responsible for how much inspiration they take from us Americans. "My Ex & Whys" is really nothing unique from all the other chick-flicks. Though the story is unique the lesson it would have us take away, is not. All that one can gather of the definition/content of love, from this film, is that it's a good, plushy feeling (or force). We've heard this before.
I mean, who's to say that Cali's dad wasn't wrong in having extramarital affairs or serial fornication? We could say that he too had this 'good and cuddly" feeling to have sex with woman after woman. Cathy Garcia-Molina attempts to answer that by having the film portray that love in it's purest sense (true love) does not hurt other people or violate their trust. One would think that all the answers and situations have been solved. The path is laid out. The lesson is clear. No one's wandering. No one's lost.
But actually, I'm still lost and grasping dahil (because) that leads all of us to the next question:

WHO DEFINES LOVE?

That's the problem. Popular or majority opinion cannot define love because everyone's definition of love and its boundaries will be different and in opposition. Some would say love has no boundaries; men and women should be allowed to have sex without sacred lifetime covenant and commitment. Our generation of fellow Pinoys & Americans seem to be so sure of what love is and yet the hurt and pain and confusion continue on. No eternal answer and satisfaction has been given.
Let's quit beating around the "bush". The definition of love and the answer as to who gets to define it is God. Let's not get this wrong. Love IS NOT God. God is Love. Just as much as you may be humble, but humble is not you.
God is the fountain of love and He is the definer of it. Without Him, it is left up to us, finite mankind, to decide what this (infinite) love is and with that kind of destiny, we are pitifully and pathetically lost.
Love becomes a relativistic statement that is up for anyone's grabbing and the count of abused and violated victims rises and they cry out "My love has been abused and my trust violated" thus assuming/presupposing that there is a law (standard) to love. Yet, as seen before, no one knows what that law-giver/love-giver is. Tagged at the very end (literally) of "My Ex & Whys" is a modern translated quote of 1 Corinthians 13; the biblical definition of what love is. Who wrote 1 Corinthians 13? Not ultimately Saint Paul, or else we are back to the problem of man ultimately getting to define what love is. It was God (through Saint Paul) that gave us the definition of what love ought to be. Take it either way, two questions must be answered: "What is love?" and "Who gets to define love?" The answer to both questions is God. If our Creator (the God of the Bible) is left out of the picture or story of our lives, we are vulnerable to the pain and hurts that others inflict on us and we will not be able to say we or love has been abused and violated because this precious and perfect thing that has been put within reach of the clawing fingers of imperfect humanity; a light to be used however each person wills, eventually to be smashed and trampled. What I would personally, ultimately exhort you, reader, to walk away from this review is to find the One who defines love (and is the infinite fountain of it) and see for yourself what He says. Seek His help and do not rely or be carried away by what your heart or the world says love is.

P.S- FINAL THOUGHTS

I did not appreciate the way Cathy Garcia-Molina made light of the lack of moral compass in Gio's father. Particularly that he could be both a bad example and yet give words of "wisdom" to his sons. "A spring cannot bring forth salt and fresh water...My brethren, these things ought not to be so." Certainly such fathers exist in both the Philippines and America who are bad or poor examples to their sons. But if she wants to truly benefit the Filipino people, it would have been better to not leave the door open for us to walk out, presuming that such character can be winked at, laughed at, and overlooked.
Also, on the scenes where Cali tries to "frame" Gio several times...I realize that it is a part of the story, and I would be tempted to say that it was a unique  and clever way to spin a story. Pero, there are other CLEANER ways to portray sin and the sinful heart without having to get anyone's hands dirty. Trying to teach unfaithfulness or cheating on one's girlfriend is bad while at the same time portraying for the audience an attractive bedroom scene with light music, humor, and girls in skimpy outfits just ends up shooting oneself in the foot. That part of the story is counterproductive to the lesson I can see Cathy Garcia-Molina was striving to teach us. As said, there are CLEANER ways to portray sin without having to get your hands dirty. Believe me, I've seen it successfully done in other films. To speak hyperbole, I don't need to murder someone in order to prove my point that murder is wrong.

We need better, wiser, godly filmmakers in the Filipino film/TV industry. If God (His character and His will) the Creator is out of the picture of His creation, man corporately and individually, will continue to wander. Hurt will continue and the healing will never come. Man cannot cry "Abuse!" if it is up to him (or his heart) and his fellow men to lead and live life. Imperfect, dirty, hopeless man needs his perfect, clean, and victorious Maker-Savior to lay out the path (of love) and give him the strength to walk it: first in pursuit of his Creator and then second, in pursuit of unity with his fellow man.