Mistakes [Completed]

Chapter 10

He kept still.

His hands that had been holding on to mine so tightly before, were now loose and his colour had turned so pale at my confession that it looked like his soul had left his body. Jungkook's pink lips were slightly parted and even though his eyes, those beautiful dark brown orbs were fixated on my face, I knew very well that he was just staring off into space, too shocked to say anything in return.

Albeit, I am more than just scared.

Five years, that's exactly how long I had kept these feelings to myself, scared that if, in any situation Jungkook even got so much as a hint about my feelings, he'd change his mind about being my friend, and would avoid me at all costs. Never had I ever, even imagined of confessing my feelings to him, let alone like this.

For a fact, I knew that Jungkook has loved going on picnics ever since he was a kid, and so, I thought that taking him out for the same while telling him the truth would make a good match and as I was preparing all of this, the food and everything, I had obviously prepared myself mentally to accept  his rejection and I had gone so far as thinking of a speech about how I didn't want to lose him as a friend and everything, in case he does say that he doesn't wish to be friends with me.

But at the end, it all depended on Jungkook and how he chose to react to my confession. If he said that he never wanted to even see me or talk to me, I would of course tell him my share of thoughts, but if even that doesn't change his mind, then I wouldn't force him.

Now, I know that many people would think of me as some coward who was too scared to admit his feelings, or even say that I wasn't "too much in love" all because I didn't force Jungkook to accept me, even as a friend.

But that's just how it is.

I love him so much that I cannot even think of putting my own happiness before his, or coming in the way of him being happy with his decisions and life. Jungkook is one of the most smartest, kindest, cutest and the most mature people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, and I'm sure that he knows what's best for him.

If he thinks that he could be happy with someone, anyone in the future, except me, then so be it. Who am I to take away his happiness?
If anything, I'd support him completely.

As I continued to stare down at my own hands, pulling them away from his to rest them on my lap, I couldn't help but feel a mix of emotions stir inside my chest. There was this slight feeling of nervousness as I sat in front of Jungkook waiting for him say something. At the same time, I felt a little scared as to how he would react after coming out of the shock, and on the other, I was happy that I had finally gathered up enough courage to admit everything to him. Everything was messed up and him still being silent wasn't helping.

"Jungkook? Are you okay? You've be-"

"I'm not gonna forgive you." He whispered, after cutting me off mid-sentence while his eyes were still focused on his lap. I stared up at his face in confusion and I almost felt something weird inside my chest when he lifted his face up. Even though it was starting to get dark, the tears that were on the edge of falling down from his eyes and onto his cheeks didn't go unnoticed by me.

I was about to wipe them away and place my hands on his plush cheeks, when he pushed them away with force.

"I said I'm not going to forgive you. Y-You're an asshole. And I hate you."

In a split second, even before I was able to comprehend his actions or his words, Jungkook moved onto my lap with tears running down his face and started slapping my chest repeatedly whilst sobbing.