Mistakes [Completed]

Not an update

Hi guys, this is not an update. I'm sorry, but I promise to update a chapter right after this. It's just my heart feels really heavy suddenly and I don't know what to do.

I saw the notification that BH released on Weverse today, about the 6th episode of Break the Silence. I'm yet to see it but then I saw a sneak peak from the fan accounts I follow on Instagram and I swear I cried like a baby. I'm not someone who cries a lot, or cries at all for that matter but when it comes to BTS, everything just comes naturally. It's been almost 7 years with them and they've taught me so much.

I've never been close to my family, never. And I never had a person who I could look upto. But then, when I was going through a really tough time, these seven guys some how found me and they helped without even noticing. It's like they saved my life. I will forever be grateful to them for that, because whatever I am today and at this moment, it is because of them. Because they helped me when I couldn't even look at myself. It feels really painful to see them going through so much, not only as artists when they're performing onstage to give us a good show, but also as humans beings. Like you and I.

For us, they sacrificed so much and I don't know just how to get through that. I want to do something for them, I want to give them everything happiness, strength, joy, hope, love- everything. Because they deserve it and so much more. I want to take away their pain just like they took mine.

It is really scary for me to even think of such a day when BTS will disband. I know the truth that there will come a day when they will be performing for the last time as BTS, but even after that I will be supporting them with all of my love and strength for all seven of them. Equally. Even as they emerge as individual artists, I will support them whole heartedly because they've become a family to me. They've taught me so many things, that I don't think I would've ever learned from my family. Or my friends.

It might sound a little far fetched but they held my hand as I walked on the way to love and embrace myself. They told me that I mattered. They showed me the reasons to love myself. I got so attached to them, that now it hurts to see them hurt. I'm crying even as I write now.

But even then, the fear is still there in the back of my mind. Of the day when they finally perform for the last time. Would I able to stay the same? Would I be able to make them proud? Would they be okay?
Would they know that all the armys still love them very much? I hope they do. Because this love and journey is not something that I will ever forget.

I can't really put it into exact words about the feeling when I think of them performing for the last time. My chest and throat pains when I do so. I'm scared, but I know that they' have given me strength to face everything.

Everything but this. So I promise to cherish every single moment with them. I promise to be the best of myself everyday, for me, for them and for those around me. I promise to love myself more than I did yesterday,but a little less than tomorrow. I promise to forever be with them, for as long as I breathe. I will be grateful to them for saving me.

I sound so selfish oh my gawd. I'm just going to cry some more. Thank you for listening to me. I really needed to vent, even though it's still not complete. But I think it's enough for now.

Thank you. I purple you all. I hope you have a good day. I hope you love yourself and I hope you know that there are a lot of people who love you.

I purple you to the moon and back.

xx