Random x reader

Edward Cullen x reader

(((A/n: The first quote belongs to the play Romeo and Juliet Act 2 Scene 6.
The second quote also belongs to the play Romeo and Juliet by Shakespeare, Act II scene VI.
But can also be found in Stephanie Meyers book New moon.))

(Y/n's intro)
I learned the hard way that loving someone with all your heart can be the most painfull thing in existence.
That's why Friar Laurence said to Romeo 'Therefore love moderately; long love doth so' in Act 2 Scene 6 of Romeo and Juliet. 
For he means for their love to last, they needed to love one another and they needed to both be irresponsible and steady.
For true love can make us stronger, but it can also destroy us.

(Y/n's pov)

That's why now, I fully understand what Shakespeare ment when he said 'These violent delights have violent ends And in their triumph die, like fire and powder, which, as they kiss, consume'.
Cause now as I lay in my bed looking up at the pale blank ceiling of my bedroom, my beating heart felt numb to everything else.
'No joy, no happiness and no anger.
Not even pain could touch it like it did a few months ago'.
My eyes flickered to my art supplies that I had set out a couple of feet from the foot of my bed just for moments like this.
Though doing my art didn't have the long last effect it used to have, it still got my mind off of him.
For however short it was, I welcome it now more than ever because the rain began pouring.
"Why don't you make something beautifull like you always do"?
I turned my head to see him, though he was just a voice, a figment of my imagination conjured up by my brain to help dealing with the pain of him being gone.
He looked just like I remebered, I think those that arent artists, would struggle keeping the face that looked like an Angel made out of stone for any long periods of time as they try to remember his voice.
I then said closing my eyes as I layed my head back down.
"You know more than anyone how much I really want to".
He was now beside me on my bed leaning on his elbow, his golden eyes staring at me.
"Then why aren't you doing what you love?
I would watch you no matter how long it took you to create the most amazing pieces I ever seen in my 80 years ".
I then said as tears fallen dispite my eyes being closed.
"I can't.
(I opened my eyes and looked at him.
He looked at me with an emotion I never seen him with before.
I seen happiness, amazement, fear, anger and panic, but never that emotion before.
So why would this figment of him have it that it screamed to me.
'He's right here! Y/n he's right here'.
I sat up and turned my back to him.)
Edward I can't.
I don't know if it's because you aren't here anymore, or that when I pick up a brush and my mind goes blank because It only seems to go back to when you said good bye, but I can't.
I tried, but.
(I stood up and looked away from him, tears dry.)
I can only you running away from me into the forest bever to be seen again.
(I looked at him and said.)
I let my mind play this cruel trick on me for to long.
(He sat up and said.)
I don't want to let you go, but I'm afriad that when I do.
I'll lose you forever".
Edward said as he stood behind me and said.
"Y/n I'm-".
My father's alarm went off and I cried harder when I felt that Edward was gone.
I turned around, held my head as the pressure was to much to bear.
The silence was to much to bear, I just grabbed my suppiles and my coat, then went to my car.
My beautiful 1975 Chevy Impala, a gift from Edward, parked on the grass besides Bella's Chevy truck.
I opened my trunk and put my paints, brushes and mica powder there, then closed it.
Moving to the back seat to put the big 24 x 36 canvas quickly because it started to rain.
Then as I got into my car, Bella came out and said coming up to me.
"Hey Y/n you alright"?
I didn't look at her straight away, my eyes still puffy from the little tear fest I had in my room.
But the rain made my face red from the cold atmosphere.
I turned to her and said smiling.
"Yeah Im fine, just going somewhere to paint, I don't think I could take another mintue being couped up inside my room".
She smiled and said looking at the multiple canvas.
"Your finally painting again".
I nodded and thought.
'Well it's an excuse to get away from the house where there's to many memories of him'.
You see Edward was Bella's boyfriend, or that's what I surmized when mom asked me to move in with Charlie after Bella got hurt.
Bella kept insisting, when I say be safe when she leaves the house when ever I see Edwards silver Volvo outside, that they are just friends.
I didn't have the courage to tell him good bye the day he left, let alone tell him I had feelings for him.
Before I found out that he and his family were vampires, I thought to myself then when ever I got the courage to tell him how I felt.
'Y/n he's 17, your 19, and he's Bella's boyfriend.
Be happy that both of them are happy'.
But my feelings never went away.
That's why I got more involved in my art career when Bella is at school with him.