You're Not Alone

60: Insecure

2 months later
AMELIAS POV
Eliana was definitely a crier. Owen and I barely got any sleep anymore. She only cried at night too, which was the worst. I was currently making coffee in the kitchen while Owen was showering. Thankfully Ellie and Kamryn were still asleep. I looked over at the clock and it was only 6AM. Ugh. So early.
"Amelia," I heard.
"Hm?" I said and turned to see Owen.
"You wanna fill your cup any more?" He chuckled. I looked at the cup and I overfilled it and was dripping down the sides due to the fact that I wasn't even paying attention.
"Shit," I said and he grabbed me a paper towel.
"Go lie down, I'll get Kamryn up for school," he said and kissed my head.
"It's okay," I said.
"Amelia," he said,
"Go lie down it's okay," he said and kissed me.
"You sure?" I said, feeling bad.
"Yes I'm sure," he said.
"Thank you," I said and kissed his cheek, "I love you."
"I love you too," he said, "get some sleep." I walked out to the living room and grabbed a blanket and snuggled into the pillow.
OWENS POV
I looked at the clock and it was now 7:20. I walked upstairs and opened Kamryn's door, and to my surprise she was still asleep.
"Good morning," I said softly as I rubbed her back.
"Mm," she said and rolled over. Just like her mother.
"Kammie it's time for school," I said.
"Okay," she said softly.
"What do you want for breakfast?" I asked.
"Waffles," she said and opened her eyes.
"When you come downstairs be quiet okay? Mama didn't sleep well last night and she's sleeping on the couch," I said. She nodded.
"Is ellie up?" She asked.
"No she just went back to bed," I said.
"Okay," she said. I left and she got ready for school as I started making waffles. I heard footsteps and I turned to see Kamryn in the kitchen with her backpack.
"Here you go," I said and handed her a plate of waffles.
"Thank you daddy," she said.
"You're welcome," I smiled and sat down across from her. I looked over her and into the living room and saw Amelia peacefully asleep on the couch. I'm glad one of us is getting sleep at least. She deals with loss of sleep a lot worse than I do, and I feel bad. She's trying really hard not to let it get to her but it totally is. I feel bad. Kamryn finished breakfast and we both put on our coats and shoes. I made sure the baby monitor was on in the living room for Amelia. I locked the door behind me and Kamryn and I walked out to my car. I drove over to the school and when we got out she grabbed my hand in the parking lot.
"Have a super fun day at school today okay?" I smiled and kissed her head.
"I will," she giggled, "I love you daddy."
"I love you too princess," I smiled, "Mama or I will be here to pick you up."
"Okay!" She said and gave me a big hug. I watched her walk into her classroom and then I walked back to my car. I drove home and parked in the garage. I unlocked the door and when I walked in I heard crying. Poor Amelia didn't get much sleep.
"I'm home," I said.
"Hey we're in here," Amelia said from the kitchen. I walked in and Amelia was cradling Ellie.
"She won't stop crying," Amelia said, "do you think something is wrong?"
"Is she hungry?" I asked.
"I already tried, she doesn't want the bottle," Amelia sighed. Ellie kept crying as Amelia held her.
"Want me to try?" I offered.
"Yeah," she nodded and placed Ellie in my arms. After a few moments she stopped crying.
"Magic touch," Amelia chuckled.
"Guess so," I said.
"Did Kamryn get up okay this morning?" Amelia asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Are you hungry?" She asked, "I was gonna make eggs."
"Sure," I said. I looked down at Ellie and she was peacefully looking around the room. Amelia made breakfast and I put Ellie in her little high chair.
"Hi," Amelia said in a cute baby voice, "are you hungry baby?" Ellie obviously just started at us both and Amelia and I chuckled.
"So what do you want to do today?" I asked.
"I don't know," she shrugged, "we could run a few errands."
"Okay," I said.
"I need to shower though," Amelia chuckled.
"I'm in no rush," I chuckled.
"Alright," Amelia said. Ellie started crying again and Amelia looked like she was ready to cry too.
"I got her," I said.
"You sure?" She asked.
"Yeah," I said. I picked her up and she stopped crying.
"I'm gonna go shower," Amelia said and got up.
"Okay," I said. I couldn't tell if she was just exhausted or if something was wrong. I put Ellie back down and cleaned up breakfast. I noticed Ellie's eyes started closing so I picked her up and cradled her in my arms until she fell asleep. I brought her upstairs and put her down in her crib. Our bathroom door was closed but the water wasn't running. I knocked on the door just to make sure everything was alright.
"Amelia?" I said.
"Yeah?" Amelia sniffled.
"You okay?" I asked.
"Yeah I'm fine," she said as her voice broke.
"Honey what's wrong?" I asked. I heard her crying and my heart broke. I turned the bathroom door knob and surprisingly it was unlocked. I opened the door slowly and Amelia was curled in a ball next to the tub crying.
"Hey," I said softly. She looked up at me and burst out crying more. I sat down in front of her and she buried her face in her hands.
"What's wrong? You can talk to me," I said. I brought her into my arms and she cried into my chest. I rubbed her back and kissed her head.
"I feel like a bad mom," she said quietly. Those words broke my heart because they were the farthest thing from the truth.
"Why? You're not a bad mom at all," I said reassuringly.
"I can never get her to stop crying. You pick her up and she instantly stops," she said crying, "I'm so exhausted and I feel like a shitty mom for just wanting some sleep."
"You're not I promise," I said, "you're a great mom I promise you."
"Kamryn didn't have baby years, it was so much easier," she said softly.
"I know," I said, "it's hard."
"You're so good with her," she said.
"So are you," I said, "you're discrediting yourself." She sighed and looked up at me.
"I love you," she said.
"I love you too," I said.
"I think I'm having an extra bad day," she chuckled lightly.
"It's allowed," I said and ran my fingers through her hair, "guess what."
"What?" She said.
"She's asleep right now," I said.
"Can we sleep?" She asked cutely.
"Yes," I said. I wiped her tears away with my thumbs and kissed her. We got up and walked back to our bed. Amelia snuggled into me and I put my arm around her.
"Good night," I chuckled.
"Good night," she said as she dozed off. I don't know how she could think she was ever a bad mom.