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Take Her To The Moon

Author: Zandra996

Reviewer: ialwaystanbts

Take Her To The Moon

Cover:(1/10)

The cover is a hot mess. It looks like you have just randomly placed a picture of Jin there. It would be way better if the picture was not included. Also, the title on the cover is incorrect. It should be 'Take Her To The Moon'.

Title:(4/5)

Not my favorite but it is related to the story. I guess it would work since it is inspired by a song.

Synopsis: (3/10)

The synopsis is great but there are several errors in it.- "fingers of death is now caressing"It should be - "fingers of death are now caressing"The punctuation marks are missing in some sentences too, so do correct them.

Plot: (8/30)

It was extremely difficult to understand the plot because there wasn't much to read. I also found a big plot hole in your story. You mentioned a type of cancer called 'Astrocytoma benign' in your story so I got a little curious and searched it up on Google. According to Google, Astrocytoma benign is supposed to be harmless whereas in your story it was the reason behind Y/N's death. I suggest you do a little research on it before mentioning it in a story. Also, I don't like the fact that it took Jimin three days to convince Jon that Y/N was sick. Lastly, I could never imagine anyone taking a person close to their death to a park in a wheelchair, away from the hospital. Overall, I felt that the plot was rushed and rather confusing.

Characters : (2/10)

To be honest, I personally couldn't connect with the characters. As I said, instead of getting straight to the point, Jimin kept asking Jin to talk to him. Not a fan of Jin's personality either. I only liked Y/N's personality because she left Jin for his own benefit.

Grammar: (5/25)

There were A LOT of grammatical errors in your story.

1. Ellipsis: Elipsis (...) are represented by three periods. Not more, not less. I have seen you use random periods throughout the story so check that out because they are grammatically incorrect.

2. Excessive use of punctuation marks: I have noticed that you use a lot

of periods even though they are completely unnecessary. You also always tend to add a period before 'as'. 'As' is a conjunction and you need not place a period before it.

3. Wrong use of pronouns: It took me 3 reads to understand chapter two because you had replaced 'her' with him'.

4. Tenses: I have seen that you keep changing the tenses in your book. Let me show you this example-

Original: "yet she didn't cried"

It should be: "yet she didn't cry"

Look into these mistakes and edit them because they didn't let me enjoy the story.

Writing Style: (3/10)

I would describe your writing style as dull. You tried to add a lot of descriptive words but they didn't work because you simply don't know the basics. (I suggest searching for better words on google.) I was also confused while reading some parts of the story because they were not explained well.

Overall:

The overall idea of your story is nice but the mistakes may make the reader give up on your story. Your chapters were short but they still had several errors in them. Check all the errors I mentioned and correct them. (I listened to the song and it is very beautiful.)

Review Scores :(26/100)

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