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The spring we lost

Author : Daph_0913

Reviewer: haefatima99

THE SPRING WE LOST

Cover: 6/10

The cover was just fine but I felt like some spark was missing in it. It was on point and expressed your plotline, but so vague for my eyes. I suggest changing the colour of the font since it was hard to read it when I looked at the cover, especially, the author name on top.

Title: 3/5

The title sounded like the start of a sentence, however, after reading the blurb, it made sense. I think it was so long for the actual plot of your book because it was a short story. Mould your title into something short and to the point. Your title shouldn't be telling the whole story.

Synopsis: 3/10

Unfortunately, I didn't really find the synopsis interesting. Even though you kept it short and directly to the point, but your grammar was so messy that I couldn't able to concentrate on your storyline. You need to learn how to shape complex sentence since your language was plain.

Your synopsis was one of the essential fronts for readers to examine your book, but it had a lot of grammatical mistakes in it and that dampened the suspense. You need to rewrite it and you can add some quote from your book as well.

Plot: 17/30

Reading the synopsis, I would say I was interested in it since you stated that BTS changed our life for good. However, I hate to say it but I was reluctant to continue reading the book when you started off with MC waking up. I've read countless books that kick off with the main character waking up so it's very repetitive and boring for me.

The pacing of the plot was very fast because it was a short story. I felt like you were just trying to end the story without developing scenes.

You had quite a nice concept about the plot but you just failed to put that concept into words.

A quick tip: Read as much as you can. Reading helps you to grow mentally, plus, you could improve your writing skills in matter of how to sketch a plot.

Characters: 4/10

Since it was a short story, and you literally rushed on plot. Same goes for characters. I honestly don't even know how to give criticism in this section based on your book.

I didn't feel any kind of empathy with MC. If you were writing a short story, it was definitely difficult to develop your main characters. You shall use direct characterization and indirect characterization to develop the characters.

Direct characterization: Reveal your characters by directly telling about their features, habits, posters.

Indirect characterization: Reveal your characters through their speeches, actions, and behaviours.

That's how you get nice characters in your book. You need a lot of work in this criteria because as a reader, I wasn't satisfied with your characters.

Grammar: 5/25

Talking about your grammar, you definitely need more focus on this criteria.

1) Punctuation

In the very first chapter, I caught a lot of grammar mistakes, which led me to believe it hadn't been edited. But also, there were excessive exclamation marks and question marks, such as:

["Oi Cassie, wake up!!! We need to wake up early! You will be late for work!!!" Jayzy! said, while opening the windows ]

One exclamation mark was enough, similarly, one question mark was enough. Don't over use them.

Also, you weren't using full stops [.] in the end of every line of the paragraph. This was making your story to look tired and excessively messy.

Where punctuation was necessary, you didn't use it at all. But where it was unnecessary, you placed it there with full focus. So edit your book.

2) Tenses

Your tenses were inconsistent as you were switching between them in each and every paragraph. Notice the following excerpt from your book:

Incorrect:

[ Me and Jayzyl went in front of bighit as planned and i can see a lot more ARMYs are here with us holding their banners ]

Went = [ Past tense ]

Are = [ Present tense]

Correct:

[ Me and Jayzyl went in front of bighit building as planned and I could see that a lot more ARMYs were there with us holding their banners. ]

Your book had so many grammar errors that I was unable to concentrate on the story because of them. Those excessive exclamation marks were taking me away from your story.

A Quick tip: At least learn basic grammar so that your work could fall under the category of "professionalism."

Writing style: 3/10

To be honest, your language was pretty simple and plain. I guess it was because you were using "telling card instead of showing."

Your scenes were pretty dry when it came to the description of the mood. You needed to involve your reader into story by using different tons and moods such as "gloom, cheer, and pain." In short, you need to work on your descriptive language.

Why there was so much gap between the middle of the chapter? I see, you were hinting towards suspense, but it just made me cringe. Please, avoid so much spacing. Also, make your book less messy and more clean.

Overall:

I definitely don't recommend your book to others until you edit it and make it more suitable for people to read. You need a lot of improvement in every criteria and sadly I was unable to get any kind of excitement from your story.

I suggest improving the presentation of your book by editing it and then you should move towards insight of the story like plot, characters and writing style.

Review Scores :  41/100

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