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Synchronized

Writer :: agust-bangtan

Reviewer :: haefatima99

Title :: Synchronized

Cover :: 5/10

Starting with your cover, it was something that didn't catch my attention. In fact, I couldn't find myself clicking on the read button out of curiosity. Firstly, the background image and the people on it seemed so artificial to me. Their placement while editing wasn't done well. Secondly, the font was okay until you added the red font below. It's making your cover look messy. I suggest changing the cover if you could.

Title :: 3/5

As far as the title "Synchronized" is concerned then the poem in the chapter "copyright" and the description set a tone for it. But as I read your story, I couldn't seem to understand why you titled this book as "Synchronized". I think it's because your plot is still in the early stages of development so I couldn't find much of its relevance to the plot. Other than that, I hope your plot will describe your title very soon.

Synopsis :: 8/10

Your synopsis speaks your story and this is the main concern here. You gave a proper introduction of each character directly and indirectly that could put your readers in a trance for the revelation of those characters. The main conflict (problem) is something that I could find easily by reading it which is the important element of a synopsis. What I found is the huge issue here is the wrong use of commas. You are making errors by putting comma splice here and there. I would explain that later in the grammar section. 

Plot :: 15/30

Speaking of the plot of your book so this was something that my love, you really need to work on. I am not saying you don't know how to pen down a good plot. What I mean to say is that your plot has many digressions (non-relevant, fillers) in it. Digressions are very important for the development of the plot but here my love, even after reading the 8th chapter and trying to find some spice. I couldn't find any major twist. In short, your plot is too slow paced that I felt no excitement to continue further. Your plot still needs its major climax so I can't say anything further. However, your storyline is something that I found very new. After reading the description, I was intrigued. But the basic skeleton (plot) needs work. 

A Quick tip: Go to Google and search "structure of a plot" you will find the following elements: beginning, raising action, climax, denouement (falling action), and lastly revolution. They will explain how to take the development of the plot. 

Character :: 5/10

Firstly, there's no development, your plot is barely developed. So it's having major effects on your characters too. When the development of the plot is slow then the characters' development will automatically slow down as well. Secondly, I could barely relate to your characters as human beings. I just see them saying things without any emotions. You need to work on the empathy of your characters as well. Anna loves skating and you explained it very well but why I can't sense the passion in her words? It's because you need to give that character a "voice", to provide more emotions.

Grammar :: 13/20

As you mentioned in the introduction of your book that your grammar isn't too good But it's way better than many but needs work as well. 

• Comma splice:  Comma splice is when you join two independent clauses without using conjunctions. There are three ways to fix a comma splice. You can add conjunction, change the comma to a semicolon, or make each independent clause its own sentence. For example, notice the following examples from your book. 

[A pitch-black surrounding loomed across you, your eyes emerald encased in white shone contrastingly...] 

A pitch-black surrounding loomed across you = an independent clause (a clause that is standing on its own) 

your eyes emerald encased in white shone contrastingly = independent clause 

There is a comma in their middle (,) so there you got a comma splice. There are many examples in your book that you could fix. 

Corrected version: 

[A pitch-black surrounding loomed across you. Your eyes emerald encased in white shone contrastingly...] I added a period to remove the comma splice. 

• Missing punctuations: Punctuations are necessary to create a mess free sentence structure. And there are wrong usages or not used at all could make a big difference. You missed out on them in many places. For example, notice the following lines from your book: 

["Anna, calm down, the ice rink is not going anywhere, and remember Aunty Ning Ning would be there so behave well, okay," she said patting your head.]

After the word "okay" you need to put a question mark since a question has been asked. 

• Please be careful with the correct usage of verbal tags. Sentences like," yelled", "whined" and "cried" will have a (.) before you close the quotation. For example (not from your book): 

"Never knew it'll be this hard to live without you." Laila cried. 

And if there are words like "said" then you will use a (,) in that period's place. 

Writing style :: 7/10

I loved the poem that you wrote in the copyright chapter. It spoke to your creativity. I appreciate your efforts that you put into describing the dance scene in the prologue. But as the story progresses, your book loses its description. Your focus goes more on the digressions than the description. 

The main character's name was "Anna" and in one place, you are using "I" the first person but immediately in the same chapter in the very next line you are using "You" the second person perspective. Please, try to stick to one point of view. You were switching between them and it was making it hard for me to understand your plotline. 

Overall::

Overall, you should work on the things I mentioned above. I am sure your book can improve a lot if you work on it more. If you have any questions then feel free to ask away. Good luck! 

Total :: 56/100

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