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Babyboy

Writer :: goldenmaknae5620

Reviewer :: SURREALGGUK

Title :: Babyboy

Cover :: 5/10

The photo of Jungkook used for the cover reflects the overall vibe of the story well, but the cover is too dull. It wouldn’t attract many readers because the colors are simply way too dark, and the cover itself is just too simple.

Title :: 3.5/5

I can see the relevance of the term “babyboy” to the story, but it’s way too common. Just search it up on the Wattpad search engine and there’d be tons of books with a title like that.

Synopsis :: 1/10

I get that adding just quotes into the description of the book makes it seem more aesthetically pleasing, but what am I supposed to be inferred from those two simple lines? I have no idea what the plot roughly is about, and have no idea who the characters are and what’s going to happen in the book.

Plot :: 12/30

The plot seems a little too cliché for me, though you added a twist at the end. There were 16-17 chapters of just a dom-sub relationship between Hyuna and Jungkook without any sort of actual conflict that the two had to go through other than Jungkook’s skeptical father. I did not enjoy the plot at all, and I feel that this could be wrapped up in less than 10 chapters simply because there’s really nothing much to write about. You could add in some more twists to the story, such as maybe a backstory of either Jungkook or Hyuna to add spice to the story, as right now this book just seems like it’s made simply for readers to obtain some sort of sexual pleasure from it. I feel like the plot has a lot of room for improvement.

In addition, I don’t like how the story ends. It seems too incomplete like something’s supposed to happen after that. If you were going for an open-ended ending, this isn’t how it works. An open-ended ending is supposed to give readers a “Wow, what did I just read?” moment, and spur them to ponder about the events of the book and what might have happened next. On the contrary, the ending of your book gave me a “Wow. That’s it?” feeling.

Character :: 6/10

There’s nothing unrealistic about your characters, or rather since this book is of the fantasy genre, it wouldn’t be right to nitpick aspects of the characters I find unrealistic. However, I just can’t bring myself to feel anything for the characters. This is especially important as to keep the readers engaged, you need a character, or characters, that the readers can relate to. I didn’t feel any sort of emotional connection to any of the characters, and it felt like they were NPCs instead of real, living people. (FYI, some or most NPCs do allow readers to relate to them.)

I do have one or two things to point out about Jungkook though. “Love” is a strong word, and for Jungkook to be using it to express his feelings for Hyuna after, like, weeks of meeting her is baffling to me. He barely knows anything much about her personality, and only knows that she’s a horny teacher out for Jungkook. Furthermore, Jungkook is 18 in the book, and he should know fully well that “love” is a strong word and typically wouldn’t be used to express such feelings, which brings me to my next point. Jungkook is 18 in the book, so why is he acting like a complete child? I don’t see any of his classmates acting like this, and he sure wasn’t acting like a kid at the start of the book, so I don’t really understand this sudden change in character. In addition, I don’t know if this applies to every 18-year-old in your fictional world or not, but 18-year-olds are more or less considered adults universally, and it is shown in your book as well. However, do adults really have to beg their parents to take them somewhere, or get permission to go somewhere?

Grammar :: 5/25

When reading your book for the first time, the bad grammar in the book is the first thing I notice. It really throws me off and makes me disinterested in the book immediately. When writing a good book, not only is the plot important, the grammar and vocabulary are equally important as well. Your book requires a lot of editing in terms of grammar, and I’ll point out a few mistakes to help you in editing the book.

[Just like that, there was a woman, who loved the boys of her class as she teaches them the subject, romance, as the major one.]. The sentence structure in this small part is all over the place, and it is a struggle to understand what you are trying to express. You should be able to make the reader visualize the scenes you are writing, not make them confused.

[“Yes, ma’am Hyuna!”, in a unison that the whole class replied while daydreaming about her whoppy buttocks.]. For this part, I can roughly understand what you are trying to express, but the grammar is completely wrong. First, a comma should not be used after the dialogue, and the dialogue tag coming after that does not make sense at all. Instead, I suggest you write this: [“Yes, ma’am Hyuna!” the whole class replied in unison while daydreaming about her buttocks.]

[She wasn’t intending to act rude but rather than be pretending like it.]. For this part, I have absolutely no idea what you are trying to express. The sentence structure is wrong, and you are using contractions inappropriately as well. Contractions are informal and are typically used in dialogue or informal text. In this case, this is a book, so contractions should not be used outside of dialogue. The term [rather than] is used as a comparison, but it is not appropriate in this context. An example on how to use this would be: [Rather than hockey, Joey prefers swimming.].

These are just a few of the grammatical mistakes I found in the PROLOGUE of your book, which means the amount of grammatical mistakes in the whole story is simply too much.

From this, I can see that English is obviously not your first language. Hence, you’re going to have to put in more effort than native English speakers in order to perfect your grammar and make reading your book easier.

Writing Style :: 6/10

I could roughly catch up with the flow of the story, but I don’t understand the transitions between chapters. Some of them don’t even link with the previous chapters and I’m just left there scratching my head, confused as I usually would think that I missed a chapter when that isn’t the case. Setting the context at the start of a chapter is very important, and a link between the current chapter and the previous one must be properly established so as to not confuse readers.

Overall ::
I did not enjoy reading this one bit. It just made me dread every chapter and anticipate its end. The plot was too simple, and there was no conflict to look forward to. I could not relate or feel anything for the characters, so I just gradually lost interest as the story progressed. Furthermore, the grammar really threw me off. There were way too many grammatical mistakes to ignore, and I just lost interest in reading because of it.

These are the main problems I found in your book. However, with some effort put in, the overall score for this book can definitely be increased. I encourage you to read up more on the appropriate use of grammar and vocabulary, as well as work on the plot to deliver a more interesting story that would attract readers and keep them reading.

Total :: 38.5/100

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