Seesaw Review shop [closed]

My Salvation In Your Heart

Author: SunshineHues

Reviewer: sprite_and_hamburger

My Salvation In Your Heart

Cover: 6/10

The cover is good but not the best. The font placement is messy, I can't see Taehyung's face because you put the font on his face. You could have placed it a little lower. Your cover is slightly cut, the word 'Y' and 'T' are cut on the side of the cover. A bit of change can improve this cover.

Title: 2/5

Your title is interesting and eye-catching but there is nothing in the plot which can be related to this title. The word 'Salvation' has a deep meaning but your plot is nowhere near deep, it is more like some teenager fluff story. The story has no deep meaning so the title is irrelevant to the plot. Maybe change your plot or change your plot because this way it isn't going well.

Synopsis: 5/10

One question, what is it? The dialogue you put in the synopsis is confusing and the narration you put in the description is more confusing. I don't understand what you were trying to say. At first, you wrote 'you don't know who he is' and after that, you said 'you are sure he understands you' when the female lead doesn't know who 'he' is then how come she knew he understands her?  The narration is leading with 2 dialogues then some narration again. The dialogues are totally different from the narration, the dialogues are stating different things and the narration is talking about something else. I couldn't understand your point.

Plot: 15/30

I didn't quite understand what the story is about, is it about Taehyung's life as an artist and the female lead fell for his art? Or how Taehyung noticed the female lead and fell for her first? One thing I would say, this is a poor mess. Cliché stories aren't that bad but your way of execution is making it worse. You are jumping on scenes quite a lot. I think you didn't understand the point 'take things slow' because there are very few scenes with both leads up to 10-11 chapters but still you are rushing things between them. They don't know each other yet they are all friendly? You aren't taking things slowly but you are adding unnecessary things in your story, scenes that aren't much important but you are adding them just to increase the number of chapters.

Characters: 4/10

The character's personality is bad, you said the female lead has trust issues, and yet she is going with the total stranger on a coffee? She just met him and asked for the number? If we consider Tae's POV then he is more than eager to go out with her and exchange numbers but for Y/N he is just a stranger and if she has trust issues as you stated then how come she isn't insecure? They both are behaving like some old best friends despite the fact that they just met. For me, the emotions and characters in this story are totally fake, with no emotions attached.

Grammar: 15/25

There are many grammar mistakes in the story, mainly punctuation, and capitalization mistakes. Whenever you put an exclamation mark or question mark then please capitalize the first word after that. When terms denoting family relationships are used as proper nouns (as names), they are capitalized. However, when the terms are used as common nouns (not as names), they're not capitalized. ... You could replace them with proper names without changing the rest of the sentence. You are putting 'Mom' whenever you are mentioning the female lead's mom, which should be replaced with 'mom' because capitalization is used when you are using the relationship term as a noun. For ex:-  a) What are you doing here Dad? (Capitalize it because here we are directly addressing the relationship term)
b) What is my dad doing here? (Don't capitalize because the relationship term isn't denoted as a noun here).
You are mixing American English with British English, learnt is a British English word, and realize and capitalize are American English words.
If dialogue is followed by phrases like "she said", or "they said", and "he asked" or anything which is represented as talking then we will put a comma or the required punctuation at the end of the quotation.
Ex:- "Bethan loves flirting, but she is an angel," she said.

Now, if the dialogue is followed by action such as ''he grinned'' or "she scoffed" then we will put a period or the required punctuation at the end of the quotation.
Ex:- "Life is hard so I am." She wiped her tears.
You are putting the wrong punctuation many times or either putting an exclamation mark. You are abusing the exclamation mark a lot.

Writing style: 6/10

At first, your writing style was good, short paragraphs, and easy to read but when I read more chapters I realized you are making long paragraphs. There were too long paragraphs with any break or space. It looks like I was reading some history books. I suggest making short paragraphs because long paragraphs aren't pleasing. Sometimes I feel you are ending your chapter at the wrong scenes because it feels like there is more to it but you cut the scene. End your chapters on some cliffhanger or interesting scenes.

Overall:

Your story needs some editing as well as some emotional touch. Read some emotional books and you will realize what you are lacking. Don't rush things between the leads, take them slowly. It can be a good story if you write it more precisely because people love to read these types of books.

Review Scores: 53/100

✨Leave your comment about the review------------>

✨If you have any problem regarding the review then PM me or the reviewer.