Breaking promises

21. Truth about everything

"Where were you?" Seb asked sitting on the porch. If I said that he looked good, then I'd be lying. He had dark circles under his eyes, showing lack of sleep and messy hair. He also had a black eye, from Rylee's hit. I didn't pity him.

"That's for me to know and you to be wondering," I smiled too sweetly.

I asked Rylee and Savannah to leave me and settle this thing once and for all and they agreed letting me know that they'll always support me.

That was something that I didn't want to do, but I knew that it had to be done as soon a possible.

"I'm sorry," he took a sharp breath. "Can we just go back to how we were before I fucked everything up?"

"You can... I won't," I looked away from his eyes. It would be a pity if I started to cry after acting so strong.

"I fucked up big time, didn't I?" He asked and his voice broke.

This was actually surprising. Did he feel sad that he didn't manage to get me in bed, before I ended it all? Or maybe he is actually sorry for hurting me...

Yeah, sure. The pigs can fly and I can breath underwater.

"You didn't fuck anything up, because we hadn't even started anything. It was just a meaningless kiss," I said trying to sound strong.

'You go, Hailey!' I cheered myself up in my head.

He flinched after what I said and stood up looking into my eyes.

"Tell me that you don't feel anything towards me," Seb said walking towards me.

"I don't," I hissed.

"Good... now tell me that looking at me," he smirked.

I snapped my eyes at him, "if you think that I'll ever forgive you and we'll move on, then you're in for a big surprise, because I won't. I will never, ever, ever," I started walking towards him hissing the last part," forgive and forget."

Saying this I managed to wipe off the smirk of his face.

"What? You should have known by now that I never give second chances after betrayal. Maybe we didn't know each other as much as we thought we did," I shrugged.

"You're acting all tough right now, but you seem to forget that I know almost everything about you," he said. "I remember you crying for mistakes your brother did and you tried to find solutions for his problems, even though it wasn't your problem. You care about others and that's the first thing I fell in love with you about."

My breath hitched and my tough exterior started crumbling down around me.

"I know how you play with your fingertips when you're nervous, but you always act like you aren't. You're so strong," Seb took my face in his hands, but I shook out of his grip, as all I could see was the girl he kissed. He looked at me like I hit him and lowered his hands.

"I know all about your passion towards that one chocolate cake that you like to mix with cherry ice cream. I know that when you're batshit mad you play killing games, imagining that the person that pissed you off is your target," he smiled to himself sadly," I have no doubt that you did the same thing after you found out."

"You think that you always notice everything with the way you choose to observe everything rather that having a conversation with others, but you failed to notice one thing that I was showing you most of the time. I never hid my feelings, you chose to ignore them. In fact, I was an open book," I saw his eyes becoming glassy.

"Do you know why I always chose blond flings?" He asked and answered immediately, as he knew that I wouldn't reply to him. "I did that, because you were the only brunette that I wanted to commit to. All of the blondes were meaningless, Hailes."

"I remember you acting like you don't care, when I brought girls to your home and kissed them in front of you. I wanted you to show me at least one sign that you care, so that I could sweep you off your feet, but you always acted indifferent. You didn't even care about your feelings when I asked you to help me break up with them," he shook his head sadly. "If you had just showed me one sign. One sign that you felt something towards me, all of this would be different."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I felt tears streaming down my cheeks and now I realized how hard it would be to say what needs to be said.

"You think that this would be different, huh?" I asked sadly. "Maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong, but we'll never find out, because you blew your chance with me the second you had the chance to. And you kissed her in the chemistry lab why? To make me jealous there too?" My voice broke and he looked surprised. "Yeah, I saw you two and heard that you drove her to school."

"You just told me that I seem not to notice the most obvious things, but could you blame me? I fell in love with you, but you always were sucking the life out of different blondes. And obviously I thought that you never felt anything, because there wasn't a moment that you weren't with a girl. I felt hurt every single time, but you were not mine, so I had no reason to be hurt about it and that's exactly how i spent every day," I sniffed. "I woke up and convinced myself that you don't feel anything towards me and you're just being friendly and you could say that me being rude to you was something like defense mechanism, so that I don't show you how I really feel."

"You seem to have me all figured out, but let me tell you something. I'm not strong. I'm actually the definition of weak, I cried almost every night myself to sleep the first month you started having those blondes around you. Maybe I didn't cry at school, when I found out about you and that girl In chemistry class, but that's only because I don't want to seen as weak by other people, because i don't need their pity. But you know what?" I raised my voice a little bit. "I won't need to cry anymore, because I won't have to be left wondering if you feel something towards me, because it's just too late for that."

He grabbed my hands and pulled me towards him, engulfing me in a warm hug.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he cried.

I shook my head and tried not crying. I pushed him away from me and wiped my eyes.

"I know that you don't forgive easily, but I'll be waiting for you to forgive me, because I love you," with that he kissed my forehead and walked to his car to drive off.