Breaking promises

89. Help me

February, March, April passed and I couldn't get over him as much as I wanted.

I remember the day that I returned home. I was a depressed little chick, that couldn't keep herself together and actually cried in front of her friends. I feel that crying makes me vulnerable in front of other people, but I didn't care at that moment.

Blake had informed my friends that day that I had went back home and they waited for me patiently at the entrance of the airport.

Damien, Rylee, Savannah and Caroline all looked at me with pity in their eyes, as I sobbed in the backseat. I remember that I felt like my life had ended at that moment, but now I realize that it was the most ridiculous thing that I've ever thought.

It took me three long months to be finally able to start going back to cafeteria, where my friends sat and somewhere in the crowd was Blake.

They didn't need to know this and I wasn't planning to tell them anytime soon, but my time with them was limited. And I'm not talking about some kind of life-threatening disease, I'm just moving to live in England with my mother as soon as this school year ends.

She called me recently, after finding out about my depression and told me that she has been thinking for a while that the best thing that me and my brother could do, was to move to England to finally meet her and her new fiancé. And one of the arguments, as she knew that I didn't like acknowledging my weaknesses, was the fact that she was spending too much money to afford a house in a different country. And she missed us.

This is the best thing that I can do. I still have month left to say goodbye to my friends and after that I'll just let go of my past and who knows, maybe I'll move past the whole Blake thing too.

It was almost comical to see my friends shocked at the fact that I was finally joining them.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," I forced a chuckle and they kept looking at me, as if I had lost my mind.

"Do you want me to leave?" I suddenly asked, but knew that they wouldn't want that.

"No, no," Caroline quickly said. "It's just surprising to see you coming here. You haven't been too communicative lately."

"You haven't been communicative at all," Savannah said truthfully, correcting Caroline's statement.

I shrugged and sat down. After breaking down in front of my friends, I felt the need to push them away. And that's exactly what I did for three months, but I've come to realization that the more I push them, the more it pains me. And I'm feeling guilty about the whole going away thing.

They started talking about school, teachers and their summer plans, but I zoned out completely. That's a thing that I started to do more often recently. I would zone out reminiscing about our past and feeling pity towards myself. I hated that feeling, but I couldn't help it. I hated making myself a damsel in distress, but that was something that I tended to do especially the first month.

"So, are you up for it, Hailey?" a voice brought me out of my thoughts and I shot my eyes up to the source of the voice.

I forced another chuckle, "I'm sorry, I'm a little out of it today. What did you say?"

"Do you want to spend another day at the waterfall?" Rylee asked me and I shrugged.

"You are," she said, without giving me a choice. She always did that and it always brought a smile on my lips.

"We're leaving this Friday and I'll come pick you up," she explained.

"Who's coming?" I asked and she looked around, pointing her head to every person, that she called out.

"Me, you, Sav and Caroline."

I could see the silent anger coming from Jessy, as she always wished that Rylee was closer to her, but she was never really into it. Rylee considered me and Savannah her family and she never wanted us to feel anything less.

Until, of course, I pushed all of them away. And I must say that it feels good to be back.

The bell rung, signaling another torment, where I'll have Blake besides me, but at the same time so far away. When I first returned at the school after leaving him in Italy, he didn't come to school for a week, but then one day, he just showed up and like a king he is, he was sitting in his usual seat, without a fucking care in the world.

It was easy to say that I spent month after month crying myself to sleep, as his indifference hurt me to no extent, but I acted as if I was fine all of the time.

Well, If being fine meant closing off from everyone and focusing all of my attention to schoolwork and not sleeping at all, then I was completely fine. Blake never looked at me and certainly never talked to me. It was as if I never existed.

I think that at first I hoped that he'd finally see how miserable I am and he'll try to put me back together, but he didn't care for me at all. My friends knew actually half of the story.

I never told them about the fact that we slept together and he broke up with me afterwards. I knew that it would trigger something in them and I feared that they'd start a fight that was not worth fighting.

I stood up, taking the tray of food with me, that I had barely touched and started walking out of the cafeteria. I dropped all of the food in the trash and before I could exit the cafeteria, I was showered with hugs.

"God! I missed you so much!"

"Don't you dare to do this to us anytime soon. You know that we're here for you always."

"We love you," Rylee, Savannah and Caroline said, taking turns in hugging me. It felt nice to finally feel someone trying to hold you up, but what made me so closed off in the first place was also the fact, that their affection always made me want to tell them that I'm not fine and I never have been.

But telling them that would be extremely selfish, so I kept these silent pleas of help to myself.