Breaking promises

52. Heartburn

I remember being in Seb's arms at my country side and the feeling of absolute comfort. I thought that I could never leave his embrace, because being in his arms had felt so good at the time.

Now I think back at that time and realize how wrong I've been all of this time. Seb isn't my home, nor he has ever been. With him I felt like I wasn't enough, that I have to improve myself for him, because I'm too... I don't know, plain.

My attraction to him blinding my brain into thinking that he might be my safe haven, but now I know that that isn't close to truth.

Me and Blake were lying on my bed, he had pulled me closer to him and half of my body was laying on his chest. His other hand was put under his head and he was facing the ceiling. He deliberately made me sleep at the side of the bed, where he could trap me between the wall and his body, if I wanted to move, I'd have to ask him to let me out.

At first we fought, because he always sleeps without a shirt and I was against it, because I knew that it would make me do dumb things, like drool on his abs, but I told him, that if my brother saw him in my room shirtless, he'd get the wrong impression.

Of course Blake didn't believe me, but he didn't comment on it either.

I was listening to his rhythmic heartbeat and realized for once in my life, I didn't feel weird listening to the pulsation of someone's heart.

Yep, I usually get sick of hearing a heartbeat. It's not that big of a deal- there are people, who get sick at the sight of the blood, so I don't think that I'm that bad.

Blake's heartbeat didn't make my skin crawl in disgust, but instead the sound of it made me feel extremely relaxed. Almost too relaxed. I was getting sleepy really quick and there was nothing I could do about it, but accept it.

"Why do you fight me... us so much?" He asked me and I tensed a little bit.

He felt my sudden change of mood and starting rubbing soothing circles on my back. He is a fucking god at everything, his touch made me immediately relax and melt into his arms once again. I hope I don't get used to him.

"Because I'm not easy. I don't trust you, you've given nothing to me that could make me believe that you're The One. Plus all you've really done is state me the fact that we're going to be together," I murmured into his shirt.

He sighed and i felt him suddenly move into a sitting position and he pulled me up with him. His hands grabbed my face delicately and I closed my eyes.

"What do i have to do, to earn your trust?"

I opened my eyes and looked at him through my lashes. He had a frown on his face, making him look older than he is. Which is... I don't know, I should ask him.

"How old are you?" I asked him and he looked at me weirdly.

"Turned 18 a month ago," he said calmly, though I could see that there was something on his mind.

"You know, you can ask me things too," I tried to make him share whatever it was with me.

He was silent for a moment, but the clenching of his jaw didn't go unnoticed by me. "How did Seb earn his trust?"

He wasn't looking at me anymore and I couldn't help but to feel my heart tug at his anger. I felt pain looking at him so angry about something so irrelevant. All of this is my fault and I need to fix this.

I crawled over his lap and straddled him my legs on each side of him and our chests now pressing against each other. I clearly took him by surprise, but he didn't waste a second to wrap his arms around me, hugging me closer to him.