I pulled my head up, adjusting myself in my bed, turning my head, tossing it back.
I was not sleepy. I rather seemed very uncomfortable and not at home. I don't know why.
I pressed my eyes tight, biting my lip, forcing myself to sleep.
But it did not make me sleep. Something didn't make me sleep. A thought.
Lisa. And all the drama-fest that happened in the hospital.
And yes, me and Lisa had a small argument before bedtime about it, and she got grumpy.
I had a crush on Jimin. I didn't say that, I just didn't want him to be hurt.
And she kept on insisting that she wasn't with Jungkook and I told her, I believe her.
But doesn't Jimin have to believe her. Or Jimin sunbae oppa. It's weird.
And I knew Lisa liked him too, so I just left him and thought that's not what life is about.
And..... I tried, ignoring him for sure, but he just wouldn't get off my mind.
And I just got hurt seeing him walk away like that, and I wanted to go to him.
But, I thought about it better. I shouldn't, after all Lisa was so over him.
But I wanted to see him now and tell him, it is okay, and you should truly believe Lisa.
But a evil part of me, wanted him, so bad, so bad.
I got up, I wanted water. This is not me. And I slowly headed towards the kitchen.
There I saw Lisa slumped on a bar stool with a shuddering glass of water.
"Lisa ?" I questioned.
"Ye-yeah-yes unnie" she looked at me, her face red and teary.
"What happened ?" I whispered as I sat down with her in a bar stool.
"Nothing unnie, it's just Jimin....... I know you like him too" she looked at me.
How the he- wait, how.
"Umm...... how ?" I abruptly asked her, without going like 'What are you talking about ?'
I didn't feel like lying. After all, I was so close to Lisa. I should not.
"Unnie, I can feel it, I just guessed it after our conversation, it's obvious" she looked down.
"So, you're mad at me, aren't you ?" I looked at her.
"I will never get mad at you for that, just mad at you for not saying you took that video" Lisa stared at me, with her deep eyes.
"No, I did not, L-L-Lisa..... I did not !" I backed away. What the hell was she saying.
"Unnie, Jennie unnie told me, you said you wanted to go to the washroom and you came back, and you were the only person there, and you didn't see anything, that means you knew I was not there, and you knew Jimin was there, and you were being possessive over Jimin, and you wanted to see what he was doing, and to take revenge over me, you shooted the video !" she screamed.
"Lisa, you're talking nonsense" I hissed. "I would never take a revenge on you" I shushed her.
"That's what you say, but, it is clear, you did that" she hissed.
"Lisa, you're making me really angry, I did not !" I looked at her, sternly.
"Oh yeah, I've mad you angry many times before, and this is the result I get" she got up.
And she walked towards her room, slowly closing the door, so Jennie unnie couldn't wake up.
I sighed heavily, I was never ever jealous of her for Jimin doing that too her.
And I was never ever possessive, I mean, he was not mine or anything, so I shouldn't be.
I lay down on our comfy couch, resting my head in the soft cushions.
Blinking hard, turning to our window, to see the empty, beautiful place we were in.
I badly wanted a boyfriend, I was a desperate love-case.
I hated people thinking of me in that way so I just shut up. I don't open my feelings to anyone except for maybe a few people. Like my mom and my members.
And when those particular people loose trust in me, I feel I'm......... a hopeless girl with no agenda of making anyone happy.
I've always wanted a boyfriend who would listen to all the things I say, when I cry, when I laugh, I hope he would be supportive, and I think I found Jimin in that.
Anyway, since we could date, I'd thought I'd be happy. But no, it just made me feel destroyed.
Because, I lost the trust in one of my friends and...... a huge friend, and she thinks that I purposely destroyed her, AKA..... cyber bullying.
When I never wanted to......... I mean, I would never do that. Except for a tingling feeling.
I promise, I wouldn't to anything else, I'd just be happy, that my friend got a, nice boyfriend.
Though I would never admit it. Nothing else, I swear to god.
I'd be happy if he came to me. But after solving all the fights with Lisa.
But, they'll get back together then, I should be happy. Happy and happy. Happy than ever.
You can't get all the things you want in life, and you have to sacrifice too.
And I did, and that's what I get. Being a idol is definitely not easy. Not at all easy.
Slowly, my eyes closed down, drifting me to my sleep.
