Storming through the bunch of patients as they looked at me speechlessly was not at all relaxing.
Thoughts of Rose crept in my mind, her lifeless body made me cry, and this was when I realized I actually loved her.
I still do, of course I do, but then thoughts of her baby.. my baby, OUR BABY was.. unbearable.
I've never even thought of being a father at the age of 22, though people say that 22 was never a young age to be a parent, I didn't like it.
And Rose was giving birth to a child at the age of 21, which made it even worse.
Though none of us could have known she would have suicided to save HER CAREER and not HER BABY.
How could she be so childish ?
Why didn't she tell me ?
Why didn't she tell her members ?
Why didn't she tell her parents ?
Why did she suicide ?
This all made sense to me after I knew she was pregnant.
Now, I can blame myself, for destroying her career because of making her pregnant, destroying our baby because of making her pregnant, destroying HERSELF because of making her pregnant.
I didn't know where was I heading to, but as soon as I saw a drinking fountain which was quiet and peaceful with surrounding plants and flowers, I sat down the aisle.
Tears rolled down my cheeks, could I really be the father of her kid ?
Or was it someone else ?
After all, I stopped her from breaking up with me and made love to her that day.
I could really be the father of her kid.
Why, why, why, I had such a horrible time with my love life ?
"Sir, coffee ?" I heard a female voice beside me.
I rubbed down my tears with crouching my hands into little fists and looked at the young lady beside me.
She wore a little white apron matching her white nurse dress and carried a little coffee tray around.
"No, thanks" I smiled at her, she smiled back, finally noticing my possibly red eyes and dried tears.
"If there's anything I can help-"
"Oh no, you know how hospitals can be, after all you work here, our loved ones injured or ill will make us sad, won't it ?" I faked a laugh.
"Of course, I was born and brought up in this hospital, after my parents decided to abandon me in a box after giving birth to me here, since this hospital was really poor back then, I didn't have proper education, so at the age of sixteen, I was pushed to give coffee for patients since then, I know how the hospital atmosphere is, after all, I've been her for twenty years ! she smiled at me warmly.
"Nice to meet you...... um, Eunbyeol ?" I read her little badge pinned to her dress, as I gave my hand for a handshake.
"Nice to meet you too, sir" she smiled back, giving her hand to complete our handshake.
"Do you know me ?" I asked out of curiosity, a Korean teenage girl who didn't know Bangtan was a miracle.
"Of course, Bangtan's Park Jimin" Eunbyeol laughed.
"Yah" I yelped, taking my hand away, laughing with her.
"Um, so what happened for a celebrity like you to have swollen eyes and prickling tears in a good half past midnight ?" she continued mocking about.
I had a straight expression now, which actually made her scared.
"Um, I'm sorry, I didn't-um.... mean to, bring up, the... the question" she stuttered about.
"My child's mother, which is apparently not my wife, but my girlfriend, tried to suicide after she found out she was pregnant, any suggestions ?" I looked at her, my eyes opened wide.
"Oh..... are you still mad at me ?" Eunbyeol asked, biting her lip.
"No, I'm not, it's true, my girlfriend's pregnant with my child, and... she tried to suicide, yesterday-" I said as I looked at the big clock which showed 2:00 am.
"After she found out she was pregnant, because she too was an famous female idol, and I was too an idol, if anyone found out she was pregnant, her career's blown, but apparently her career is more dedicated to her than her own baby" I gritted the last words out.
"It must have been a pure mistake, it shows well that she still has an innocent mind, poor her, don't be mad at her, after all she must have been having a bad time" Eunbyeol smiled.
"How young is she ?" Eunbyeol asked me, a small side of her frightened.
"You wouldn't suicide if you were in her place, right ?" I asked her.
"Never, if I was her, I would retire being an idol, it's my family and I need to take care of my baby" Eunbyeol sighed.
"Well, she's an year ELDER than you" I said the "elder" precisely.
Eunbyeol bit her lip, suddenly overflashed by knowing Rose's age, after all Rose only turned 21 on February, yet she didn't have a thing called common sense.
"I'll have a coffee" I said, suddenly breaking the sympathy silence.
"Sure, sir" Eunbyeol took a plastic cup as she poured some coffee into it and then gave me with the lit tight and closed.
"Well, can I-I'm not supposed to ask this, but- can I meet her ?" Eunbyeol stuttered.
I looked up at her after taking a long sip, "Sure, who's stopping you ?" I asked.
"She's a female idol, they're not easy people to meet" Eunbyeol replied.
I finished the coffee in one gulp as I looked at the white empty passage surrounded my windows that gave a lot of light inside.
"More, sir ?" Eunbyeol asked me.
"Call me oppa and no, thank you" I smiled at her as I signaled her to follow me.
"Well, she's not opened her eyes yet" I said.
"Well then, I actually wanted to speak to her-"
"About what ?" I turned back, and she stopped too, suddenly bright red in the face.
"Um, oppa, about- if I could... give her some... a-advice, like not like that, but some relaxation and calm easy-going stuff" she stuttered.
I took a deep sigh.
"Well then, you can go, she's not opened her eyes yet, and I'm afraid she doesn't want advice, I will talk to her in my own way, she doesn't need any calming, just a big whack on her head and she'll be fine" I hissed my words out in case anyone was walking by.
"Oppa, no, don't be mad at her, she still has a kid's brain-"
"Off you go" I ordered, I didn't know what has gotten in me to be so rude, but thinking of Rose just made me even angrier.
"But, oppa-"
"I said GO !" I raised my voice a little that made her sigh and walk out from the passage.
Suddenly tears over flooded my eyes, all I did was hurt other people, I didn't know what had got in me, but I couldn't stop behaving like this, I was such a bad person.
I suddenly sat on the floor, once again sobbing like a little baby.
Should I stop ?
